112. Sitting Bull

Sitting Bull

[Luan & Luna's room. The two sisters are doing their normal things until Lori comes in.]

Lori: Hey, are either of you guys free for a babysitting job tonight? Mrs. McCauley just called and I can't do it, I'm sitting for the Dunscombes.

Luna: Sorry, dude. I got the Katzes tonight. [picks up drum] I'm gonna teach Jaime and Sydney how to do a drum circle.

Luan: I'm sitting for the Santinis. I've got some great comedy props in case little Mary gets a ouchie. [hits herself with her hammer prop which she then faints.]

Leni: [laughs and claps] Thanks, Luan, that makes me feel much better about my ouchie. [shows Leni's feet with a bandage on one of her toes.]

Lori: Hey, Leni, can you sit for the McCauleys tonight?

Leni: Sorry, I can't. I'm sitting for the Lewises. I'm giving Tia and Salome makeovers, they're one and two, it's time.

Lori: Hmm, okay. I guess I'll have to tell the McCauleys no one's free.

Leni: What about Lynn? She's 13, that's when we all started taking babysitting jobs.

Luna: I don't know, dude. She's not exactly the nurturing type.

Luan: And we don't want to blow our reputation as Royal Woods' best babysitters.

Lori: Well, that is true. But you guys, it's only fair that we give Lynn a chance.

[Lynn, in the meantime, is in the backyard, tire swinging like a gorilla. The twins are rolling along in Lola's car, and Lynn hangs upside down in their path, causing them to scream, swerve, and crash.]

Lola: Ow! Watch it you clod.

Lana: Know how long it's gonna take me to bump out this hood?!

Lynn: Sorry guys, apology punches! [Punches the twins]

Lana: Ow!

Lola: Ow!

[Lynn goes back to her swinging. Lily is innocently walking along, not seeing Lynn. Charles sees this, and quickly dives at her and end up in a fight circle which Lily wins. All the while, the older sisters watch all of this, shocked.]

Luan: Still want to give her a chance?

[They then look over to Laney who is reading Squeals a book and then the girls got an idea]

Lori: Laney! Our favorite sister in the world!

Laney: What do you want this time?

Luan: We were just wondering if you were available to help with a babysitting job.

Laney: [gets up from her chair] Babysitting? Me?

Lori: You're literally perfect for it! You know more about babysitting than any of us. You're caring, nuturing...

Luna: That and you're so good at taking care of Lily.

Laney: Well, I am know for my fastest diaper changing record. I'll do it!

Lynn: [hearing this] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't give a babysitting job to Lamey! I'm next in line. [She hops out of the tire swing and lands right next to them.]

Lori: But Lynn, let's face it, you're not exactly the nurturing type.

Lynn: What now? I can nurture all day long. [Right then, Lisa comes out the backyard, carrying a jar of strange liquid.] Kids love me. [notices Lisa's presence and grabs her in a playful noogie.] Right, Lis?

Lisa: [slightly irritated by this] If it'll get you to stop bruising my cranium, I'll gladly respond in the affarmative.

Lynn: [drops Lisa] See? That's a yes. [Lisa notices her experiment is on the loose and chases after it in a panic.]

Laney: Not to take sides here, Lynn. But you don't know exactly what kids like to do.

Lynn: What do you know, Lamey?

Laney: [glares angrily] It's Laney! And I know way more than you!

Lynn: Says the girl who can't even tie her own shoes and has to wear laces!

Laney: [Angry] I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE!

Lynn: Come on you guys, fair is fair. I want some of that sweet babysitting moolah too.

Laney: You wouldn't make a dime without knowing when to tuck them into bed at night!

Lynn: I can do a lot better than you!

Laney: I can do a lot better than you!

Lynn: Oh yeah?

Laney: Yeah!

Lynn: Yeah?

Laney: Yeah!

Lynn: YEAH!?

Laney: YEAH!

[The sisters growl at each other]

Lori: Break it up you two! Clearly there is only one way to settle this!

Lynn: Bingo! Hot sauce eating contest right now!

Lori: No! Not again! I'm saying we'll send both of you to McCauleys to babysit and afterwards we'll see which one of you makes the better babysitter.

Lynn: It is so on!

Laney: You are so going down!

[The two contiue to glare at each other. Cut to later where Laney and Lynn are still glaring at each other at the McCauley residence and their parents drive off.]

Caleb: Uh, excuse me? [The sisters turn around to see the McCauley kids]

Laney: Oh. [clears throat] Hey, kids. So what do you want to do?

Caleb: Play with my science kit!

Camille: Play with my dress-up sticker books.

Laney: Well that sounds-

Lynn: [imitates a buzzer] Lame-o! Come on, I'll show you guys how to have some real fun. [Suddenly, the three are in a makeshift wrestling ring, wearing Lucha Libre masks, the McCauley kids are scared.] Alright, when I blow the whistle, you guys run to the center of the ring, and wrestle. [Blows the whistle, and the kids walk to the center of the ring, and hug.] Guys, Lucha Libre is a contact sport. This time, Caleb, you bounce off the ropes and come back at Camille with an angry possum! Like so.. [Before she did anything else, Laney stopped Lynn]

Laney: What do you think you're doing?

Lynn: Uh, teaching the kids how to Lucha Libre?

Laney: You will do no such thing! These are kids! You just can't teach them how to wresltle and use violence. [Pulls out Caleb's science kit] How about we just play Caleb's science kit instead?

Lynn: [Smacks the kit off Laney] Nope! That's you're problem, Laney. You don't know what children like.

Laney: [angry] I DON'T... [growls] That's it! Let's go! Right now!

Lynn: Bring it, sister! [Laney and Lynn then began to wrestle each other and the kids look at each other in concern]

[Later the kids and Lynn and Laney are in the living room Lynn brings out some condiments and frozen foods from their fridge.]

Lynn: Okay kids, clearly you're too weak to Lucha Libre. So we need to get you into shape. Your parents have a serious lack of exercise equipment, so we'll have to improvise. Camille, let's do some curls with these kosher dills.

Camille: [She tries to do one curl with them, but falls to the floor.] Ow! I heard something pop.

Laney: Oh my gosh! Are you okay!?

Lynn: She's fine. It's totally normal. [Camille whimpers as she tries to limp it off] Kay, Caleb, your turn. Let's see you dead lift this turkey. [She puts the turkey in front of Caleb and he groans.]

Laney: He cannot lift that and you know it!

Lynn: Of course he can! I've lifted thrice my weight when I was his age.

Laney: These kids aren't like you!

Lynn: Stop questioning my methods!

Laney: Only when your 'methods' stop being so questionable!

[The sisters began arguing again. And the McCauley kids knew that they could not get their attention. Minutes later, Lynn and the McCauley kids enter the kitchen, Caleb now having his back sore.]

Lynn: Important lesson for you guys, after a good workout, you always want to replenish those proteins.

Laney: Finally, something sensible [opens the fridge and pulls out a carton of eggs.] Now, who wants eggs?

Caleb: Ooh, eggs. May I have please have scrambled?

Camille: I like mine hard boiled.

Lynn: [imitates the buzzer again] Cooking takes too long, your body needs that protein now! [She cracks two eggs each for two cups then gives them to the McCauley kids. Caleb starts to whine.]

Laney: Are you out of your mind!? They can't eat raw eggs! They need to cook! [Laney pours the yolks into the frying pan]

Lynn: No! They need to eat them raw! [Pours the yolks back into the cups]

Laney: Cooked!

Lynn: Raw!

Laney: Cooked!

Lynn: Raw! [Lynn throws an egg at Laney]

Laney: Oh it is on! [Lynn and Laney then started to throw eggs at each other and the McCauley kids look at each other in sadness]

Caleb: Can we please go to bed now?

Lynn: Ugh, okay, fine. [Later, the McCauley kids are in bed and Lynn is telling them a story.] So I'm almost to the top of the climbing wall when I beef my foothold, lose my grip, and plummet twenty feet to the ground, bam! Broke my tibia so bad, you can see the bone sticking out through the skin. [Hearing that makes Caleb actually throw up]

Laney: What are you doing?

Lynn: I'm telling them a story.

Laney: About your injuries? You can't do that!

Lynn: You know what, Lamey? I am sick and tired of you always critisizing me!

Laney: And I'm tired of you trying to scar the kids for life!

Lynn: My injuries are very informational!

[Lynn and Laney once again began to argue and the McCauley's looked on sadly one last time]

[Back at the Loud House, the older sisters are on the couch when Lynn enters through the front door.]

Lynn: What up, fellow babysitters!

Lori: Hey, how did it go?

Lynn: Oh, great, I hit it it out of the park. Better than how Laney handled it.

Laney: Uh, I did way better than you! [To her older sisters] She had them drink raw eggs!

Lynn: She wanted to play with a science kit!

Laney: At least it was less painful then when you wanted to teach them Lucha Libre!

[Lynn and Laney started arguing again as the the older sisters left. Just then the phone started ringing and Lori answers it]

Lori: Hello? Oh, hi, Mrs. McCauley. What? She did? They did? Eggs everywhere? But, but- Okay, goodnight. [hangs up]

Leni: [She and the others walk over.] What happened?

Lori: Both Lynn and Laney completely negelcted the McCauley kids because they were too busy arguing! Lynn completely terrorized them and Laney was too busy competing with Lynn to even to take care of them. So now we're all fired as their babysitters.

Leni: [in union] What?

Luan: [in union] No way!

Luna: [in union] Bogus!

Lori: I think we need to have a little talk with them.

[In Lynn and Lucy's room, the older sisters talk to Lynn and Laney about what actually happened.]

Laney: That's what happened? Oh man! I'm so sorry got you all fired!

Lynn: I don't get it. I thought we had an awesome night.

Luan: Lynn, you made a five-year-old hang upside down and do crunches.

Lynn: Yeah, and his abs will thank me.

Lori: We're sorry, but you can't be in the babysitting group anymore.

Lynn: [now upset] What? Come on! It's not my fault those kids didn't know how to have fun! Give me a decent family and I'll show you I can crush it!

Lori: Sorry, but we just can't afford to lose any more clients.

Laney: What about me? Maybe you can consider giving me another chance?

Lori: Laney, you were literally too busy arguing with Lynn to actually do any babysitting. I'm sorry but both of you are not capable to do the job.

Lincoln: [pops in] You know, I'm available for babysitting.

Lynn: Get out of here, Stinkin'! [throws her football at him and he falls to the floor.]

Laney: You can't just do that!

Lynn: You stay out of this, Lamey!

Laney: [angry] IT'S LANEY!

Lori: This is literally what we're talking about. [She and the others leave the room.]

Laney: [realizing her folly and sighs] What am I doing? I was so busy trying to compete with you that I totally forgot what's really important. Taking care of the kids.

Lynn: [flops onto her bed and growls in frustration] Just so we're clear I can do so much better than you.

Laney: Lynn! I'm serious! If we're gonna fix this we need to start working together. Even if we have different approaches on babysitting.

Lynn: Hmmm. [Gets an idea] You know what, Laney? You're absolutely right.

Laney: Wait. You're agreeing with me? Who are you and what have done with Lynn?

Lynn: I'm serious, Laney. We need to work together to show our sisters that we need this job. [to herself] Me more than you... [To Laney] So I have an idea that will set everything right... [Whispers the plan into Laney's ear]

Laney: What? We can't do that!

Lynn: Relax, Laney. Besides those guys needed the break. We can handle this. Look at it this way, we both want to prove to them we're certifed to be babysitters. Now remember, the next time that phone rings...

[The next day, all the Loud siblings are watching TV on the couch, except Lori, who is on her phone, and Lucy, who is reading a book. Just then, the house phone rings.]

Lynn: I got it! [answers it] Loud residence, Lynn Jr. speaking. [She hears someone on the other end and sneaks off into the dining room, makes sure the others are still distracted, then responds.] Oh, hi, Mr. Dunscombe. Sure, let me ask Lori if she's free on Friday. [walks over to another spot then speaks in a muffled tone, then goes back to the other spot.] Sorry, Lori's not available, but I'd be happy to babysit. [She hangs up and takes her seat back on the couch.]

Lori: [concerned] Who was that?

Lynn: A ding-dang telemarketer. I told him to buzz off.

[The house phone rings again. Lynn nudges Laney]

Laney: Oh! Uh.. I can go get it... [Walks up to the phone, feeling uneasy. Answers the phone] Um, hello? [indistinct chatter is heard] Mrs. Lewis? [More indistinct chatter] Uh, let me check... [Laney looked over the living room and Lynn gave her a thumbs up. Laney gulps nervously] Uh, no. Leni's not available this Saturday, but I'll be able to fill in for her no problem... [Hangs up and goes back into the living room]

Leni: Who was that, Laney?

Laney: Oh! Uh, that was Karla. She was calling to ask If I could come over to her house this weekend to binge watch the new season of Weirder Stuff. [Smiles nervously]

Leni: Oooh! I've heard the new season's gonna answer a lot of questions from season one!

Laney: Now, now. No spoilers... [Lynn winks and gives Laney a thumbs up and Laney looks at her nervously]

A FEW DAYS LATER...

[The older sisters are in the kitchen. Leni and Luna are having coffee, and Luan is having a bowl of cereal.]

Lori: So, you guys didn't have any babysitting jobs this weekend either?

Luan: Nope. Didn't get a single call.

Luna: [in union] Deadsville.

Leni: [in union] Me neither.

Lori: Weird. Maybe we should check in with our clients.

[The four girls are now in different locations of the house, on their cell phones.]

Leni: Hi, Mrs. Lewis.

Luan: Hi, Mr. Santini.

Luna: Hey, Mr. Katz.

Lori: Hi, Mrs. Dunscomb.

[They all hear what their clients have to say.]

Lori, Leni, Luna, and Luan: They did what!?

[Laney was reading her book in her room when her older sisters appeared]

Lori: Laney. Is there something you'd like to tell us?

Laney: What do you mean?

Luna: We mean why are you and Lynn-Sanity stealing all of our babysitting gigs!

Laney: Oh, that...

Lori: Thanks to you two, we lost four more clients.

Luan: Lynn we understand but how did you lose the other two?

Laney: The guilt was eating me up inside. [Flashback to Laney babysitting for the Lewis', she was too frozen up to do anything. One of the Lewis kids came up to her and tried to get her attention] I was too guilty to do anything. I choked! [End flashback; Laney was on the floor begging her sisters for forgiveness] Oh please! I'm so sorry! I will never take babysitting jobs ever again!

Lori: Calm down, Laney. It's not your fault. It's Lynn's!

Laney: What are you going to do to her? Fire her?

Lori: That's for us to decide. We'll talk about your situation later. [The sisters leave her room]

[The older sisters are back in the kitchen]

Luna: Lanes' got a point, dudes. What are we going to do 'bout Lynn? We know she ain't gonna listen to what we have to say. You know how she is.

Luan: [Thinking of something] What if we can get her to want to quit babysitting?

Leni: How would we do that?

Luan: Easy, get her to sit for the worst kids in Royal Woods.

[They all get closer together, knowing who that is.]

Lori, Leni, Luna, and Luan: The Fox quintuplets!

Lori: Ugh, they were literally a nightmare. [Flashback to them throwing stuff at her while she was hiding behind the couch.]

Leni: [Flashback to them locking her out in the rain.] So mean.

Luan: [Flashback to them throwing a bucket of water on her while she was sleeping.] Little monsters.

Luna: [Flashback to them flushing stuff down the toilet.] Bad to the bone.

Luan: So, it's a plan?

Lori, Leni, and Luna: It's a plan.

[Meanwhile, outside the backyard, Lynn is throwing some pitchers at her goalie net when the older sisters approach her.]

Lori: Hey, Lynn, can we talk to you?

Lynn: [knowing where this is going] Okay, I know what you guys are going to say but before you get mad, let me explain-

Luan: Oh, we're not mad.

Luna: We get it, dude, you were just trying to prove you can handle babysitting.

Leni: And guess what? You proved it.

Lynn: Really? So, your clients liked me?

Lori: Literally loved.

Lynn: Yes! I knew it. I told you guys! So, you're taking me off the bench?

Lori: Yep. In fact, we already have a new client lined up for you.

Lynn: Sweet, who is it?

[Later, Laney was in the livng room watching tv with her pig Squeals, when Lynn interrupted]

Lynn: BOOM! I'm back in the game, baby! I got a gig! In you're face, Lamey!

Laney: First, stop calling me 'Lamey'. And two, really? They're really giving you another job after what you did?

Lynn: Yeah! Lori said all the clients loved me! So they gave my own babysitting job! I guess I do make the better sitter after all!

Laney: Well, congratulations Lynn. So who is it?

Lynn: I'm babysitting for Mr. and Mrs. Fox. Welp, I gotta get going! [leaves] See ya, Lamey!

Laney: Stop calling me that! [sighs] Well, at least it's nice to know that Lynn finally gotten a chance to- [Realizing who Lynn was babysitting for] MR. AND MRS. FOX!? That means she's babysitting the Fox Quintuplets! The meanest, craziest, baddest, straight up most horrible children on earth! [Squeals squealed in terror] Oh man! What was Lori thinking! There's no way Lynn can babysit those monsters! Not with her expetise!

[Meanwhile, Lynn was at the Fox residence and the parents drive off.]

Lynn: Later, Mr. and Mrs. Fox! [closes the door] So, gang, what should we do tonight?

[Lynn is then shocked by what she sees; The one in green is finger painting on the wall, the one in blue is squirting ketchup and mustard into a table fan, the one in red is bow and arrowing the goldfish, and the one in white has an angry raccoon. She is shocked, she looks over and sees Pam standing next to her, Pam is looking at Lynn, and holding a hose. Pam sprays her right into the door, and all the quints surround Lynn and laugh menacingly, Lynn gets a nervous look. Back at the Loud House, Laney and Squeals were trembling in fear thinking about what Lynn was going through]

Laney: I gotta do something Squeals! Those kids are gonna eat them alive! [Laney dashes off to save Lynn but she stopped when Squeals oinked at her] What's that, Squeals.

Squeals: [Oinks]

Laney: Good point! I'll need protection. I'm not going in there unarmed. [Cut to Laney in her putting on an armoured knight costume from her chest, a super hero utility belt and holds a plunger in her hand]

[Later the older sisters were in the living room when they saw Laney coming down with her armour]

Luna: Uh, what's with the duds Laney?

Laney: I'm gonna go save Lynn from the Fox Quintuplets!

Lori: Laney, relax. Besides, she deserves this after she costed us more clients. If she kept this up, we would literally lose our jobs!

Laney: But assigning Lynn to the most terrible kids on earth? No one deserves this! You gusy know what their like.

Luan: Exactly, that's why we gave Lynn the job.

Leni: Yeah, I bet by now those little monsters have trapped her in the crawl space like they did to me.

[The older sisters laugh while Laney is terrifiedby the thought]

Lori: Or, rolled her up in a rug and pushed her down the stairs like they did to me. [They laugh again, only a little more dwindled.]

Luna: Or, thrown a skunk in the bathroom while she was doing her business.

[The others are just aghast at this, they all then start to look guilty.]

Luan: Well, Lynn had it coming.

Lori: Literally.

Laney: Really? I mean, sure she has no idea how to handle kids but that is no reason to punish her like this.

[A few seconds of silence.]

Leni: [giving in] Guys, I'm trying to be a team player here, but I'm starting to feel bad.

Luna: No, dude, I get it. I am too.

Lori: Me too. Lynn's only 13, and who knows what kind of horrible mess she's in right now.

Luan: And all she wanted was to be a part of our babysitting group.

Laney: I can get where she's coming from. She was really determined to be a good sitter just like you guys. Just like I was when you guys thought I could do it.

Leni: Yeah.

Lori: [immediately gets up] We have to go help her!

Luna: [gets up as well] Agreed. But first, Laney, you think you can score us some protective gear? [Laney grabs a rack of armour costumes] What size?

[The five girls approach the Fox residence, with their gear, and knock.]

Lynn: [Answers the door, unharmed] Hey guys, what's up?

[The five roll into the house, commando style, and get ready for a fight, much to Lynn's confusion. The four are then surprised by what they see; the Fox quintuplets are all sitting around reading.]

Laney: Uh, I think we got the wrong house.

Luna: Yeah. I thought you were babysitting the Fox quintuplets. Who are those guys?

Lynn: Those are the Fox quints, duh.

Laney: Aroo?

Luan: Wait, how did you get them to behave?

Lynn: It was a cinch. [Flashback to dinner, the quints are having a food fight while Lynn looks on with a displeased look.] First, I showed them that if they want to get crazy, I can get ten times crazier. [Lynn gets up, lets out a yell, and throws the entire dinner aside, leaving the quints shocked. Another flashback shows the quints playing tug-o-war.] Next, I wore them out with athletic competition. [Another flashback to Pam cleaning up her toys and Lynn giving her a thumbs up.] And lastly, three words, [She grabs Pam and gives her a horsey ride.] horsey, reward system. [Flashback ends]

Laney: I can't believe it! You did the impossible! You tamed the Fox Quintuplets. You really are the better babysitter.

Lynn: Told ya!

Lori: Well, anyway, I guess we should get going.

[They all start to leave, but Lynn stops them.]

Lynn: [Suspicious] Wait a minute, what's going on? Why'd you even come here in the first place?

Luna: Nothing, dude, we were just in the neighborhood.

Laney: Doing some... cosplay?

Leni: We were? I thought we came here because we felt bad about trying to get Lynn to quit babysitting.

Luan: [laughs] That's funny, Leni, but jokes are my territory. Come on, let's go.

Lynn: You wanted me to quit babysitting, why?! You said your clients loved me!

Lori: Well, they didn't. You actually terrified their kids, but now I think I know why, they just weren't the right kind of kids for you, these guys are. None of us could handle them, but clearly you're doing great.

Luna: We're sorry for trying to mess with you.

Lynn: [rubs her arm] Well, that's cool. I guess it wasn't so great that we stole your clients. And I'm sorry I got you involved in this, Laney.

Laney: And I'm sorry I was so cross with you about you not knowing how to take care of kids.

Lynn: Me too. Apology punches! [punches her sisters]

Luna: Dude!

Leni: Ow!

Luan: Ow!

Lori: Ow!

Laney: Ow!

Pam: [She and her brothers head upstairs.] Coach Lynn, we're ready for bed!

Lynn: Well, duty calls. I'm glad we're good, I'll see you guys at home. [heads upstairs and the four girls leave.] Who wants to hear about the time I broke my tibia?!

Fox Quints: I do, I do!

Laney: Wow, they really are perfect for her.

[The next day at home, the four sisters are in the living room. Lori is texting on her phone, Luan is reading a book, Luna is strumming her guitar, Leni is filing her nails and Laney was playing with Squeals. Lynn shows up with her duffel bag.]

Lynn: Off your butts, ladies. You've all got babysitting jobs tonight.

Luan: What are you talking about?

Lynn: I got your old clients back. It took a lot of begging and pleading, and the apology punches didn't help, but I was able to convince them.

Luna: Mighty dece' of you, sis.

Lynn: Well, see you later, I'm sitting for the quints. Now that Mr. and Mrs. Fox have found someone who can handle their kids, they're going out, like, every night. Yo, Lanes. You wanna come with? We can share the load.

Laney: Thanks, but no thanks Lynn. I had enough babysitting for one day.

Lynn: Your loss. [She leaves the house]

[That night at the Fox's, Lynn and the quints are Lucha Libre wrestling, Lynn blows her whistle, and the quints are loving it.]

Stevie: [As Lynn has him over her head.] Best babysitter ever!

[Lynn laughs]