Thinking Twice (Cole's Point of View)

The way Declan was looking at me told me that he didn't believe me at all. I had never been good at keeping anything from him, from anyone really, because my face always betrayed how I was feeling or what I was thinking. That was one reason why it even shocked me that I had been able to hide receiving my letter and subsequently rejecting my mate for two years.

But the stress of keeping that important information and constantly lying about it was finally beginning to wear on me and I was tempted to tell Declan.

"I don't believe you. Cole, if there's something going on and you don't tell me, I can't help you."

There was no trace of sleep in his voice now. Declan was like that when it came to me, very protective. For a PA, he took his job too seriously in my opinion and it made me wonder if being my PA was just a cover for something else.

Seriously, the man often acted more like my bodyguard and lawyer than a PA. I made a mental note to ask my Dad about his job description later.

"Cole? If you don't tell me I will find out somehow. Tell me what is going on. I know you, so I know something is up."

I glared at him. "It's my personal life and that is not in your job description. And in case you've forgotten, you work for me, not the other way round. You can't order me around simply to satisfy your inquisitive desire into my private life shrouded in faux care just to enable you to rule over my life."

He gave me an unimpressed look. "I doubt you even know what my job description entails. Besides, the last time you gave me that posh personal life speech you ended up almost getting drugged and kidnapped because you wouldn't listen when I told you that guy wasn't to be trusted."

"He was your cousin!" I shot back. "I thought he could be trusted because he was your relative. Why would your cousin wish to harm me?"

He gave an unamused laugh. "That argument didn't make sense then and it still makes zero sense now. Do you trust all your family members simply because you're related?"

I shrugged. "Of course, why wouldn't I? We're family. We're supposed to like each other and be nice to each other."

He stared at me in disbelief for a while and then rubbed his hands over his face in frustration.

"You see? This is exactly why you need a keeper, someone who knows everything you're up to and can prevent you from getting into avoidable trouble. For a werewolf your instincts are crappy. Does your wolf think the same way you do?"

"My wolf is too paranoid. He doesn't like a lot of people, even family members who have done nothing but be sweet to me since I was born. I stopped listening to him because he's too difficult and distrusting and wouldn't let me have any fun if it was up to him! Can you believe he's even more of a party popper than you are?"

Declan looked horrified but ignored my jab at him. "Cole, have you been ignoring your wolf?"

"Not completely," I defend guiltily. My wolf was always frustrated with me because we didn't think alike and I keep ignoring his warnings and suggestions.

"Cole, your wolf is supposed to be your guide. His senses are stronger than yours and his instincts are meant to protect you. As an omega, it is even more important that you and your wolf get along fabulously. When you ignore him, you risk putting yourself in danger."

I knew he was right, but at the same time, I completely believed that my wolf exaggerates and suffers from paranoia.

"Anyway, let's not digress. Tell me what you did." I knew then that he wasn't going to let go until I came clean, and to be honest, I was itching to talk to someone else about it. When I had agreed to reject my mate years ago, I believed it was the best decision. However, as time passed and the initial ache I had felt after rejecting my mate got stronger I started to have some doubts. Besides, I could trust Declan. I didn't even have to tell him everything.

Taking a fortifying breath, I rushed out quickly before I could change my mind. "I rejected my mate."

There was silence while Declan just stared at me for several moments with no expression, then he shook his head and laughed. "I'm sorry, I thought you just said you rejected your mate but that can't be right."

I swallowed. "That's exactly what I said."

His eyes widened in shock. "Why on earth would you do that? Do your parents know about this?"

I scoffed. "Of course not. Do you think they would be constantly badgering me about the mate-match letter if they knew I had already received it and rejected him?"

He rose and walked to Cookie's sleep bed and dropped her gently on it, returning to me.

"When did you receive the letter?"

"Almost two years ago," I admitted with a sigh.

"You must have received it right on time then! Why did you reject him? Was he poor or ugly?"

"I don't know," I mumbled guiltily.

"What do you mean by you don't know? Didn't you see his profile?"

I shook my head, and Declan closed his eyes briefly, completely befuddled with me.

"Why would you reject a mate you haven't seen and whose profile you didn't even read?"

I debated whether to tell him the truth it not, but I made a promise so I shook my head again. "I can't tell you, but it was in my best interest."

My wolf had been very angry and hurt about the mate issue and still was, but then he didn't understand that it was for our good so I understood why he was mad.

My wolf just wanted his mate and believed that he would be the best match I could ever have. My rejection of a mate we don't know anything about had felt like a deep betrayal to him, and I don't think he had ever really forgiven me for that.