Chapter 38. Cicada (Part 3)

Want to read ahead of schedule? Head over to Patreøn.

[https://www.patreøn.com/amattsu]

The link is also in the synopsis.

______________________________________________________

The first thing I saw on Yuji's face was confusion. His gaze swept over the devastated area and scorched earth. Shock slowly gave way to horror, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"This...," his voice trembled, as if he was barely holding back tears. "This... all of this is my..."

Before Yuji could finish his sentence, I used one of my grandfather's favorite techniques—the "fatherly slap." The sharp sound of the slap echoed through the area. A red handprint instantly appeared on Yuji's cheek. He froze for a moment, staring into space, then slowly shifted his gaze to me, full of bewilderment and weakness.

"There's a saying: 'You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.' But that's utter nonsense!" I barked at the stunned boy. "If you're trying to be responsible for someone but you hate and despise them, that's not responsibility, it's self-inflicted masochism and useless heroism."

"But... I can't... I'm just a weakling who keeps letting his friends down!" At that moment, the dam holding back Yuji's accumulated emotions completely collapsed. "Every time I think I'm strong enough to live among others, I face cruelty and my own helplessness! Every time I try to prove the worth of my life, every time I think I can die the right way, I mess up and suffer!"

Once again, the sharp sound of a slap echoed through the area. Another red handprint appeared on the other side of Yuji's face. His eyes widened, and he froze again, like a kitten processing my actions.

"You know, I'm really fed up with this philosophy of a 'right death,'" I paused briefly, glancing around the surroundings. "In this world, there is no such thing as a 'right death.' Even saints feel regret when they die. How can someone as foolish as you try to achieve something so impossible? A right death? It's an illusion, a delusion we tell ourselves to justify our actions or inactions. Each of us wants to believe that our life and death have meaning, that there's some higher plan. But the truth is, in life and death, there are no clear rules or guarantees. They just happen, and we must accept them as they are. Life is a struggle; every moment, we fight for our place in this world. And you're no exception. You are strong, Yuji, even if you can't see it yourself. True strength isn't about avoiding mistakes or suffering, it's about continuing to move forward, no matter what."

My words were met with silence. Yuji quietly lowered his head, seemingly unable to find the words. What else could I expect from this guy? Teenage maximalism, combined with the heavy burden of being a vessel for the most malevolent and ruthless being in the history of the world of Sorcerers, had led to the point where facing something so horrifying and corrupt had nearly broken him completely. He was crushed not only physically but also mentally.

Yuji was just a teenager who suddenly found himself in the middle of a brutal and unforgiving war. He wasn't prepared for such a burden, for the dark and terrifying things he had to see and endure. And this struggle, this constant tension, was tearing him apart from the inside. I saw it in his eyes, in his gestures, in his voice. He was exhausted, drained, and it left deep marks on him... far deeper than the scar on his face.

Honestly, from the beginning, I tried to prevent this. Such a burden shouldn't have fallen on the shoulders of an ordinary, albeit somewhat strong, boy. However, even for me, Sukuna turned out to be a far more ruthless and powerful opponent than I could have imagined. In some sense, between the two of us, I was the one who should have blamed myself because, unlike the "weak" Itadori Yuji, someone as "strong" as Yami Sukehiro had made such a significant mistake.

I think, in this situation, aside from Sukuna, I am the one most at fault.

As I recovered from the battle and the adrenaline rush, guilt suddenly flared up inside me, trying to eat me alive like a venomous snake. I had long stopped feeling guilty for killing the "innocent," after all, many things happened during missions... And as Nanami said, "The world of Sorcerers is a world for adults," so I was used to bearing that burden. However, today's events managed to touch the dead strings of my heart. But unlike Yuji, I immediately cut them... After tonight, I no longer had the right to self-loathing.

"Listen, Yuji," I drew his attention to myself, trying to speak softly but confidently. "Weakness is not a sin. People are inherently weak. And because it's scary and, in some way, even wrong to be alone, there are concepts like comrades, friends, and family..."

I stopped, not finishing my thought. With a long sigh, I suddenly realized that my words were unlikely to comfort Yuji. Right now, the last thing he's probably thinking about is letting anyone close again. If that's the case, I need to knock these foolish thoughts out of his head and replace them with something more reasonable.

"Ow," Yuji cried, clutching his head where my fist had landed. "Why are you swinging your fists?" he asked indignantly, rubbing the bruised spot.

"I don't know if there's a correct interpretation of your so-called 'right death,'" I ignored Yuji's hurt expression and, crossing my arms over my chest, spoke more seriously. "But from my perspective, it's definitely not a death surrounded by friends. Because I think such a death is cowardice, where you want to surround yourself with those you trust, hoping they'll save you. But that's pathetic and unworthy! From my point of view, the right death is the death of a man who, despite all hardships, did not turn away from the people who loved him and from his ideals, which he pursued in life. Despite weakness, despite the guilt. Unfortunately, we don't get to choose our death, and that's why we can't die correctly. But we can meet it with dignity so that we are remembered as men."

Yuji listened intently to my words, and his expression gradually cleared. At first, he looked bewildered, his eyes wandering as if searching for something to hold onto. Slowly, his gaze became more focused. He rubbed his red cheek, and his breathing began to steady. It was clear that conflicting thoughts and emotions were battling within him. He didn't know how to accept my words, but he felt there was something important in them, something that could help him escape the darkness surrounding him.

I could see his shoulders relax slightly, and his posture became straighter. This was a sign that my words were starting to penetrate deeper, touching something important inside him. His eyes no longer seemed so empty and full of despair. There was a glimmer of understanding, a spark of resolve. He wasn't ready to give up, despite all the horror and pain he had experienced.

His emotions were almost tangible, as if I could feel his internal struggle, his desire to find his strength despite all the obstacles. It was like watching a small flame of hope begin to ignite in complete darkness. Yuji was fighting with himself, but in this struggle, he was finding something new, something that could help him move forward.

I saw his hands clench into fists, and he took a deep breath as if gathering his courage. He finally looked up at me, and his eyes no longer held the weakness they had before. Now there was determination, a desire to fight and not give up.

"You sound just like Todo," he finally said, his voice soft and even a bit cheeky.

"That guy didn't make you his brother for nothing," I smirked in response. "You ate a finger of the damn Ryomen Sukuna, the King of Curses! So have the courage to accept the consequences of your decisions, even if it means brotherhood with a blockhead like Todo."

Yuji smirked, a spark of resolve appearing in his eyes. He straightened up, and there was firmness in his gaze once more.

"I understand," he said, clenching his fists tighter. "I won't run away anymore."

"That's the spirit," I patted him on the shoulder. "Let's go; we still have a lot of work to do."

And before Yuji could even nod, I grabbed him by the scruff and pulled him forward. His feet left the ground, and he hung in the air, surprised by my actions. The wind whistled in our ears, and the world around us blurred in rapid motion.

A quick analysis of my state showed that my "Enhancement" would last a few more minutes: at best, about four minutes, at worst, a little less than two. This meant we had very little time. No, I certainly wasn't planning on getting into a deadly fight with Kenjaku and Uraume today… Facing Sukuna once was enough for me. Moreover, there was the problem of my cursed energy reserve, which was almost depleted. Even though the amount of my cursed energy was still comparable to a single finger of Sukuna, it wouldn't be enough to battle such experienced and powerful Sorcerers from the ancient era. Furthermore, I could feel a clear instability in my spiritual energy.

This instability was not just because I had almost completely depleted my energy, but rather because I had nearly shattered the barrier that separated me from the next sequence. Because of this, it was much harder for me to use any "spiritual abilities." Not to mention Spells and Aspects, even using spiritual vision, which I could maintain around the clock, now posed difficulties. Every moment felt as if my energy might either explode or vanish.

In this situation, any strain could lead to disaster, so I decided not to take any risks. The stability of my spiritual energy was disrupted, and it hindered my ability to fully focus on the fight.

"Ryomen Sukuna... If by our next encounter, I am not at least twice... no, three times stronger, I most likely won't survive," I thought to myself, feeling a cold sweat on my back.

These words echoed in my mind.