Rigged Game

"This is among the more extreme simulations." J'onn commented as we passively monitored the teens locked in a doomsday scenario, "Subliminal separation may not be enough distance to protect them from the trauma."

"The exposure will be a well from which to draw courage and grit." I told my fellow psychic in this endeavor, "And the separation will be enough that minor counseling will be enough to see them healthy, and their minds will be forever tempered by the experience. Little they encounter will ever do more than perturb them."

"As you have demonstrated, there is always more to fear in the universe and beyond." J'onn mentioned in an even tone.

"It's not about getting rid of their fears. It's about making them brave." I informed him as the teenagers came out of the experience to due violent termination.

Connor, the Superboy, sat bolt upright from his reclined seat, clutching his chest briefly as his lungs brought in and out great gouts of air. Then he settled as the previously vital emotions separated from the experience not quite like forgetting a nightmare upon waking but more like stripping it of scent, taste, and color.

"I died." he declared with an unfeeling voice.

The others filtered in within the next few minutes from the temporally accelerated simulation with brief startles and thousand yard stares.

"Congratulations team, you're all better heroes now." I declared and gave them some weak jazz hands.

"That was absolutely fucked up." spat Robin who surprisingly lasted the longest out of the teens and obviously picked up a potty mouth for the trouble.

"You're welcome." I pointed at him with a half smile.

"For what? Putting us through that!" the thirteen year old snarled in a good impersonation of his guardian.

"For putting up the barrier that makes it impossible for the Dark Multiverse to ever invade this particular universe." I explained to the kid.

"You mean all that stuff is real!" Kid Flash shouted in dismay.

"Yeah, what you all experienced will happen, is happening, or has happened to the Prime Earth Universe depending on where we are relative to where they are temporally." I told the kids and all of a sudden they stood as one crowding around me.

"We have to help them!" Miss Martian shouted, "We can't leave them to face that!"

Her demands were rapidly parroted by the other teenagers and Manhunter looked at me with a told-you-so expression on his normally placid face.

"Fine! Fuck!" I shouted at the riled kids, "I'll track down that moment in their timestream and we'll invade! But it's on you kids if they don't have the gumption to get through the sequel."

"There's a part two to that bullshit!" shouted Kid Flash who apparently also picked up swearing in the simulation.

The League is going to be so disappointed in me. They'll probably talk at me for at least an hour or so about being a good influence and positive role model.

"This is what I get for being helpful." I sighed as I worked up some blood red mandalas to find a decent place to land sixteen universes over, "Alright… there we go."

I circled my hand and opened a portal to Prime Earth.

"Well kids, let's go smack down a bunch of bat-folk." I told them as I stepped through half to get to the battle and half to get some liquor to help make dealing with these teens more bearable, "Nightmaster, two Flashes, make 'em doubles."

The man at the bar looked wide eyed at me then gaped, "Lobo."

"Bastich knew this would happen." I muttered, "I'm his son. Now get me the drinks."

As the man in the blue tights and cowl poured me two doubles of fuck you up fast at the Flash cocktails the kids came in behind me with Manhunter.

"Mark, I have alerted the League to this." he informed me as the Superman and Flash of this universe arrived at the Oblivion Bar.

"Scoot over, Bobo." I said to the chimp in a Sherlock Holmes cosplay with a highball glass full of amber in hand seated at the bar who quietly complied.

"What the hell is this!" yelled a grizzled Nightwing with parts of spiked metal armor over his black and blue costume and a tattered and filthy shawl wrapped around his neck and draped over one shoulder.

"Congratulations, bastiches! You've been invaded by Earth 16. Surrender now and I won't let Manhunter have his wicked way with you." I declared with more good cheer than these people are likely used to hearing these days.

"Picked a hell of a time for an invasion." Green Arrow commented with Damian Wayne at his side.

"Timing is everything after all." I nodded to the man and started tossing Nth metal spheres at the teenagers who squawked in indignation as the nanites formed Warframes around them, "Clark and Bruce are going to be a pair of pains in my ass for the next few days, so you kids are wearing Nth Metal tech suits until we get back because those two will do their best to elevate themselves to thorns in my side if any of you get hurt or killed."

"Did you just say Nth Metal?" Green Arrow looked at the Warframes forming over the kids with a hungry wolf howling behind his eyes.

"Sure did, Ollie." I nodded then knocked back my first Flash, "Damn fine beverage, Nightmaster."

"I aim to please, Lobo Spawn." the fantasy rocker hero smirked as he tipped back a shot of something clear.

"How much do you got?" Green Arrow put his hands on the bar top and stared at me, "We need as much as we can get, it's the only thing that hurts the bastards that are destroying our world."

"Infinite." I answered causing the man's face to tighten into a grimace.

"You think this is some kind of joke." Oliver growled with his teeth bared behind his heavy beard and mustache.

With a wave of my hand I dropped a pile of Orokin style weapons made of Nth Metal. Swords, axes, hammers, maces, shields, staves, polearms, bows, arrows, throwing weapons. All modded for basic power, speed, and critical strikes.

"Everything you need to slay a 6th Dimension god and his demented Batman army." I grinned as various heroes in the room gaped at the sight before them, "Alright kids, each of your suits comes with a host of defensive and mobility augments, but most important is that they come with four powers each you can play with. Instructions are playing out of the heads up display."

"Are these Symbiotes?" Robin asked from within his Ash based frame.

"Didn't you hear me when I said I didn't want Bruce and Clark hassling me so much?" I asked the kid.

"Who's Bruce and Clark?" Wally West piped up as he admired his Gauss trappings.

"I'm Clark." Superman stepped forward and picked up a hammer and shield from the pile.

"No way, that's so cool. I'm Wally, Wally West. It's an honor to meet you Mr. Clark." the speedster zipped to him and began rapidly shaking his hand.

"Safe…" Robin muttered and I could feel him giving me the stink eye.

His expression morphed when the All-Black formed a shotgun in my hand and controlled antimatter slugs annihilated a savage cannibal joker Robin that came leapt out of a dark corner.

"That's last call." sighed Bobo, the chimpanzee detective.

"They've found us!" Dianna shouted to make sure everyone was on the same page.

Green Arrow smiled as he pulled a Nth Metal Arrow back on his new gold and pearl bow, "I believe our new friend just said timing is everything… hehehe… looks like time just ran out for these schmucks."

Green Arrow released that golden arrow right when the door to the bar blew open and it pinned another Robin-freak on a chain to the wall through its mouth.

"Ollie! You killed the boy!" the Batman who laughs shouted as he came in and at the sight of us his giant grin inverted, "Oh… shit."

Another hail of antimatter annihilated his upper half leaving just his legs behind, a change heralded by another thundering of my All-Black street sweeper. My weapon shifted to a longsword and I sped through the open door, turning another of the Robin-freaks to paste as he stared at the legs of his master in confusion.

The All-Black bit into the edge of the curved Godslayer Sword and I pushed the Merciless back with each landing of my feet. Behind me came the rest of the heroes and 'The Team' who began combat with the various members of the Dark Knights.

The Merciless, a Batman with the powers of Ares a hundred fold further empowered by taking the domains of all the Olympians he slew in his home dimension and absorbing the power of the Valhalla bomb, and I exchanged a hundred strikes in the space between heartbeats, each collision generation a shockwave capable of turning humans to a fine pink mist.

"They should have named you Christmas." I mocked as the All-Black cut into the man's thigh with a shallow slash, "Bringing me that helmet and that sword. "

"You shall fall like all others!" the Merciless Roared and swung a punch that shot forth a stream of Amazonian souls that exploded with their full might against me.

"Hahahaha!" I laughed as I burst through the ethereal remains of the blasts and engaged him once more in a battle of swords, "Was that supposed to do something?"

"This will." A sickening voice rattled behind me as the pinstriped arms of Barbatos locked around my chest and the bat-dragon of destruction sunk its fangs into my trapezius.

Getting bit by a guy that can destroy a universe hurts. So I reached back and grabbed his head, my fingers sinking into his brain case through his edgy bat hood. I fought the Merciless with the other hand, the All-Black countering his blade until he parried it away and slid his sword through my chest.

It would have hurt too. Had I not shape shifted my body before contact. The All-Black shifted down my arm and formed a toothy maw where I opened my body around the Godslaying Sword while I clamped down on the wrist of the Merciless.

My face morphed as my head grew, my mouth widening and bristling with fangs, "From where you're standing this must seem like an interdimensional run of bad luck." I chuckled, "Truth is… the game was rigged from the start."

The Merciless failed to pull away from me as I leaned over and covered his helmeted head completely in my mouth.

Crunch.

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Batman is going to have a hell of a time figuring out if this was all some plot by Mark or not.

I find that Dark Knights Metal and its sequels and spin offs is like a fever dream of stupid, but also the most important comic run of the decade. Not that it was a very high bar to set. DC has been a series of messes for a while, and Dark Knights Death Metal took it all, created a pretty epic reset point and simultaneously validated everything that came before it. I haven't fucked with the Rebirth content yet cause I'm old and have responsibilities and jaded as fuck about modern writers.

I heard in an interview that the guy drawing the Ripperverse worked his whole life with the goal of being the guy to draw Superman, achieved the dream, then was told he'd be drawing queer Superman. He quit and is now super successful. Which is great for him but makes me not want to go read the new DC shit. Which sucks because I really liked DC. Why does Superman need to get his O-ring stretched out? Fucking assholes are doing it for the shock value because they are creatively bankrupt. Stirring up controversy in an attempt at brief relevance.

At least the people have Actually Invincible.

You can support me and my family at

ko - fi . com / jmanm