I Made a Mistake

Mistakes, they do happen. It's just how people see and act on them. They forgive and they forget. It's up to you if you're going to regret or repent.

It's been three months we are in a relationship, me and Miles. But for me, after I fell in love, time was going much more slowly.

And Aiden is still my best friend. And for fuck's sake, Miles stopped acting like a weirdo. And I thought everything was back to normal. But was it? I don't know. I just wish everything comes back to normal.

School days were awesome. Everyday me and Miles talked for hours. About how much I love him. Like yeah I do love him, for real. But we never had the same classes. He never loved Chemistry, French and Computer Science. I wonder why. After school we come home along with our friends. We always had a sweet little conversation. Miles ask seeing me down about studies and stuffs,

"Someone okay today??"

"Yeah, I am. Thank you, you know, for asking." I said

"I guess something isn't right." Miles again asked me as if he knew me inside out.

"And what is that?" I said reassuring him with a look that everything is fine.

"Come on. I'll show you." he said with a smirking face.

And everytime I go close to him he wraps me up in his arms. That's something I never liked. But never said so. Cause my mind said "he loves u, duhh!! For real." And I stay always happy that he loves me. But whenever he wraps me in his arms in front of everyone, I feel kinda awkward. Maybe it's because he's my first love or maybe it's just I'm not used to getting pampered in front of the people. We reached my home and he left. After that I went to shower like I usually do. At that moment Aiden messaged me.

Aiden : Hey beautiful..!

Me : Hey Aidie.

Aiden : What are ya doin' ??

Me : Nothing much.

Aiden : Oh come on. Tell na!

Me : Umm.. showering maybe.

Aiden : Ohhh. So hottie is showering naked?

Me : What type of fucking question is that???

Aiden : Send me a photo of yourself.

Me : Aiden, stop..

Aiden : Come on. We are besties, right? That doesn't even matter.

At that moment my mind went somewhere else. I don't know what to do or to say. I thought of giving him. But he already has a girlfriend.

I thought not to. "Because I'm in love. I can't betray Miles. No, I can't. I love him." But my mind skipped everything.

I wrap a towel around my body, covering my boobs. I take the phone. I thought of giving him. No, I cannot. I still click a photo. Looking at me.

My hair was soaked in water and so my whole body. "But the photo isn't showing much of my body part" I thought. And thinking about nothing I message him.

Me : Here u go.

***Photo***

Aiden : Uooh. Look at u. U little hottie beast.

Me : Aiden stop it.

Aiden : Look at u. Soaking in water. U look freaking hot, Samantha.

Me : ....

And he didn't stop texting me. I think what I have done. I cannot undo the thing I've done, I cannot go back to the past and not do it. I shouldn't have done it. I can't delete it damn. I need to tell Miles but i cannot tell him. I stopped texting him.

Next day at school

It slipped my mind that Miles had access to my account. I came up to him. He stared at me. Like he is going to eat me alive.

"What the fuck you did?"

"I know. Please stop. I am sorry."

"This isn't going to do any good. Fuck you Samantha."

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I gave him that photo."

"Yeah? Go and fuck with him."

I started weeping. I knew it wasn't gonna help. I came back to my class. I sat down on my seat. Lara came up to me.

"Samantha you could've at least told me that you did that sort of thing. At least I could've told him something."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. I'm sorry, Lara."

"You didn't know!? Shit, Samantha. He was over drunk. He texted me thousands of time saying 'I never knew she would cheat on me'. And you think a sorry will help??"

"For fuck's sake Lara. Stop, okay?"

"Damn you." Lara said as she slammed on my desk.

I thought to myself, everyone can post photos of them in bathing suits and shits but I just gave a photo where my body wasn't even showing. it's just like a normal pool photo. he didn't need to get hyped up like that.

Class started as usual. I slipped my phone out. I saw a message from Miles.

"I know you are hurt. I know you didn't do it intentionally. But what you did was awfully wrong. And baby I will always love you. But think about it. Did you do the right thing? Keeping me aside. Think about your parents and your little sister. What would happen if they find out? A revolution would take place. If Aiden leaks this photo in Internet, can u even imagine what would happen? I'm glad that he didn't. But what's the gurranty of this that he won't do it? Please don't do anything like that. I thought you loved me. And Yes, I do love you, like I did before. Don't worry. All will be fine. I love you."

"Thank you, Miles." Thousands of thoughts ran in my mind. I thought what would happen? I know my parents are very strict about my dress codes and everything and what would happen if it was leaked it wasn't a damn nude.

But still this is the thing that helped me to survive or else I would've died. But still I broke his trust. I broke him. He never did heavy drinking before. He did now. He was upset, broken. I could say that. Everything is okay now. But for how long it will be? I hope it stays long enough I die.

I came back home. As usual we walked home. But as soon i went in, a thought occurred in my mind. I thought of punishing myself. But how? I can't die or run away. I came in my room and jumped on my bed. I saw a glass piece. I was pissed at myself. I should break the glass, or so I thought to myself. And I threw the glass on the floor. I picked up one broken piece and a little piece of it pricked my finger. I can just cut my hand and see myself bleed, it'll satisfy him to know that I'm also hurt. I did what my mind told me to. I knew it wasn't the right choice I made but I couldn't do anything else. I need to punish myself and this is the right thing to do. I tried to get one scar, but as I did, I thought one won't be enough. I did it again and again. Blood was dripping from my hands on the floor. It hurted, Yes, it hurted like shit. I tried to scream but I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I stayed there, doing nothing. Maybe this was for my own good. And maybe this is for the greater good. When the blood stopped dripping, I went to the restroom and cleaned the blood. I saw four scars. Four, maybe it ain't enough. But I can't do this again. It hurts, it hurts like shit. I can't even place the broken glass over my hand. I'm scared. I don't want to die and i know i won't die. But still i couldn't do it again. I showered and wore a long sleeved shirt. I can't reveal it to anyone. Its impossible. But I felt shitty hot. But what to do.

At night Miles texted me.

Miles: Hey baby.

Me: Hey.

Miles: Still thinking about that?

Me: ....

Miles: Oh shit. Leave it.

Me: I'm sorry.

Miles: I know you are. And I believe you won't do it again.

Me: Trust me this time. I won't do it.

Miles: Yeah. I love you.

Me: I love you too, babe.

I thought about how easily he forgave me, I was happy for a moment. I was reassured by the fact that he accepted my apology and forgave me. I know if never do it again. I was relieved that he forgave me, but did he actually? Did he actually forgotten about it or was it a show? For something more horrible?

Whatever I did, I can't tell it to anyone, no, I don't have the courage. I cannot. Maybe it should be hidden. It's for the greater good. And this mistake ruined my life.

I can't think of anything else. I tried to be happy in front of them, Miles, Lara and all of them. And I succeeded. I succeeded in cheating maybe. I'm sort of proud of myself for acting that well. That they didn't know I cut or that they didn't get to know I cried myself to bed every night.

But still this mistake​, made me half destroyed.