Unique Skill[4]

[Damage Inflicted!]

[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]

…?

The memory packet for the counter had broken.

My gratitude for it playing out as it did was immeasurable.

Somehow, it had managed to retrieve my consciousness from the falsehoods I had created through the use of self hypnosis.

Rini, Rachel and countless other figures waned out of existence as I realised that for the past thousands of resets, I had been living inside my own delusions.

I had officially gone crazy. And to top it all off, I had lost the one thing that anchored myself to sanity—my counter.

Well, the counter didn't seem too hard to recreate; if I applied a self imposed trance state of slowing down time to extreme levels upon a segment of my consciousness, then the memory would become large enough that a memory packet would form.

But that wasn't what I needed to focus on.

A new memory packet had formed to replace the counter. I quickly moved my awareness inside to check the contents.

Was it the antidote? Whoever gave this power to me, they must have forgotten to give me the antidote and so was giving it now. There must've have been a protective method, right?

"Hm?"

A plethora of words greeted my inside.

Words that simply kept swirling around endlessly.

However, through the practice of self hypnosis, my fine control over memories had increased to an incomparable level of a regular human, allowing me to grasp onto the crux of the memory packet.

"Prototype 14?"

[The Naive Fool].

[Fail.]

[Desperation characteristic evaluation: 91]

[Self Suggestion evaluation: EX]

[Self Suggestion evaluation: EX]

[Self Suggestion…]

"Wha—"

[Damage Inflicted!]

[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back]

10.

This Unique Skill had activated 10 times, and from the looks of it, it didn't seem like it would stop anytime soon. Meaning, I would be stuck in this loop for eternity.

Strangely, even as the realisation that my life ended dawned upon me, I still felt calm. No, more than calm, I felt at peace. A cool chill circulated from my head down, continuously relaxing my body.

Repetitions passed but my mind paid them no heed; I was fully focused on this serene sensation that pervaded my being.

Damage was the trigger for the loop. Everything relied on the concept of [Damage]. My body was completely ruined, so it wasn't a surprise that I would be sent back. However, what truly encompassed the meaning of damage?

For example, if I myself couldn't feel anything, would it still be considered damage?

I would have to see.

[Damage Inflicted!]

[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]

23,001

What an absurdly difficult task. Did it even make sense? Not being affected by pain, that was a feasible task. One could simply learn how to numb their emotions towards pain over countless repetitions—something I could easily do.

My task wasn't that though. It was to make it 'never' exist. To have nothing to even numb an emotion to. Yet for some odd reason, I was filled with conviction.

I could do it.

[Damage Inflicted!]

[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]

Strange things were popping into my head. Packets of memories are pouring into my mind, detailing something called Self Suggestion. Some parts were locked for access, but the basics of this ability was clear.

Shove the consciously made memories deep into the subconscious and erase any remnants of them from the surface consciousness and the contents of what was implanted would subtly start to change oneself.

Like that. The entirety of that human would shift.

Was…that what it meant to be a human?

The personality that someone held which dictated how their life would play out, the relationships formed alongside it, all of it could be changed with a single act?

Did I even have free will?

I made choices based on my personality, what I thought was right and wrong. All things that could be changed by Self Suggestion.

Deletion of memories, creations of memories, everything was recounted and taught by the memories that entered my head.

So what was my guarantee?

That this wasn't a simple figment of my imagination?

That my current personality, my current thoughts. All of it! What was my guarantee that this all wasn't just a delusion?!

I felt a river pour out from inside my head. Spears were impaling my head and my eyeballs felt a scathing grip crush them. But my thoughts kept on flowing. My thoughts kept on being pulled to an idea.

That in truth, I had already seen this sight. I simply deleted the memories from the past and lived anew. Another section had taught something called 'triggers'. Instead of deleting memories, one could simply bury them inside the subconscious until a certain action pulled them out.

If…everything was already my subconscious, and I just placed triggers to slowly reawaken them.

"I see."

Obscene amounts of memories were crashing into my mind. It clicked in an instant.

My realisation—that too was a trigger. A trigger for me.

My real self.

[Prototype 443: The Collected].

Success.

It had been an uncountable number of years since I inherited the role of the main consciousness.

Looking at the progress I had made compared to our start, I couldn't help a jovial mood.

Happiness, sadness, anger. Hell, any emotion throughout the spectrum.

Couldn't I also control what I felt at every moment?

Euphoria fills my body.

—

[Damage Inflicted!]

[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]

—

1.

"I've finally grasped my fate."

The same consciousness was finally able to go for more than 1 round. The developmental benefits were immense, but even they weren't of need anymore. It wasn't a question. This was the final run.

[Damage Inflicted!]

[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]

10,000,000.

My first step was to recall all hidden memories within myself. Multiple different consciousnesses had been active in my body, and after a certain point they had all learned the intricacies of Self Suggestion. Consequently, they all sealed memories that they deemed important.

Every single run was completed by a 'different' person. Therefore, every individual had their own interpretation on how to develop Self Suggestion further than the Template me and the other original consciousnesses had formed.

Definitely, what they had left behind was important. My knowledge deepened.

[Damage Inflicted!]

[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]

244,654,221,001.

I blanked.

Billions of resets happened without even me realising. I wasn't a fool, especially after I had learned that much about Self Suggestion.

"Goddamnit."

I wasn't the original. Someone had placed a trigger inside my own consciousness to be awakened after I learned more details about Self Suggestion. "...What a nonsensical ability. Regular humans, there's no way they could do it. I'm still a regular human, no? Ha, fuck, I'm not a human anyways. Just a bunch of thoughts thrown together."

I accepted my fate.

…No.

[Damage Inflicted!]

[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]

44,654,221,002.

My end wasn't here. Accepting fate? No. Fate has chained me up here, in an eternal hell, and I want to accept its will? How foolish! Vigor pervaded my body as I regained clarity about my situation.

I was most likely a simple copy. My every thought, action and will had been calculated and planned for by the 'real' me. Yet, I still couldn't accept it. Was that all a human was? An agglomeration of thoughts that somehow functioned?

I had to find what lay beyond.

What laid beyond the control of myself.

[Damage Inflicted!]

[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]

772,004,221,502.

I've lived beyond what my real self wanted. He was prepared, it seems. Something within one of the Self Suggestion theories I opened from the other consciousness' must have been a trap placed to slowly grasp control of my mind if anything like this happened.

I surpassed the plan of…myself?

An unfamiliar emotion arose inside me, even without my command. I had been living all this time by forcefully shoving suggestions of happiness and control inside my mind, hoping that it would be sufficient. So it came as a surprise when I felt something that wasn't that suffocating 'happiness'.

Pride.

With my pride, tears welled up.

I didn't know. That emotions could feel this vivid. I didn't know that there was an emotion that spoke from the very depths of one's body. The thought of shoving the emotion of pride into myself arose, but a sense of revolt overwhelmed me.

"I shouldn't desecrate this feeling."

This damp room, even it had its own beauty. Carvings that joined with other cracks to form something with more majesty than the sum of its own. The moss that warmly welcomed me and gave its support.

A small chuckle escaped from my mouth. In such a beautiful world, how could I give up?

I stopped feeding myself false happiness. The pleasure of this world could only be experienced if one was true to themselves.

[Damage Inflicted!]

[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]

It was a sort of virus. Certain areas of my consciousness suddenly began to erode and wildly spread a self destructive command to the surrounding areas. If it wasn't eliminated with haste, my entire mind would be eaten in seconds.

A desire to live—wasn't that a humane thing? I sincerely prayed it was. Recently, my mind had been clouded about such thoughts. Was I really alive? Resisting my real self, was it truly the right thing to do? He made me, he was the one who formed all the thoughts that added to my essence. Was it not his right to take it back?

He was here. Somewhere in the pits of my mind, the real me would be there. Someone who understood Self Suggestion to a far more superior level than me, and most likely be aware of many more mechanics of the mind.

This was a futile struggle.

…No?

This was not a futile struggle! This was the very core of my existence! Even if I faded away into my head, never seeing past the subconscious again, my struggle would live with me!

My body screamed alongside me. No! Even more instinctive that that, my soul bellowed out in resistance!

…My soul.

"I found it."

Man was not made up of their thoughts.

[Damage Inflicted!]

[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]

"The soul comes first."

No matter how many times that counter increased in number, regardless of how many new memories I received, I would always have a true anchor. My soul.

Did the soul truly exist? Ah. Of course it did. Back then, what did that god say?

'Your soul will be transferred to a new body'.

…How could I know that? It wasn't possible. Memories from the start had been consumed by the virus already. I was certain. Something had created and fed me a non existent memory. Presumably, myself.

Was the soul the wrong direction? No, what if…he was already aware of the fact that I would notice the memory didn't truly exist?

Thinking he was trying to fool me, I would change directions from the soul and never touch it again.

"Is that it?"

Who cared if he was trying to fool me or if I was just losing myself to paranoia. Belief in thoughts only disproved the validity of my existence—even if furthering my control in thoughts were better, the soul would give me something greater.

Proof that I too was a real human.

Now the only problem was where to start.

[Damage Inflicted!]

[Human: Arden Droden will be sent back!]

My awareness was spread all throughout my body in hopes to find a trace of what was called a soul—even if I reset, there wouldn't be a single change in concentration. Those days were long behind me.

Nothing came to me. Hundreds of thousands of resets happened and I still hadn't even glimpsed a tail to catch inside my body.

With a half broken consciousness, I came to an abrupt stop for my search. I could feel it—my 'life' was coming to an end. My thought generation had begun to slow down and my memories were beginning to be fully corrupted by whatever it was that my original self had cursed upon me.

My time was coming to an end.

At my final breaths, I looked over the remaining memories that I had. Simply glancing over them evoked some of the desperation I felt during those times. The desperation to prove myself human, someone who was not artificially created by some thoughts.

Only now did I realise.

As I look over my perseverance, my refusal to yield to the natural flow of sequences.

I had always existed.

I didn't need the approval of someone else.

The fact that I felt emotions, strived towards a goal.

That was enough.

Thoughts weren't the definition of my existence. After all, they were something that would change with the flick of a finger.

Who knew if it was a soul that defined everything?

I wished it wasn't.

For me, existence was simple.

As long as I continued to strive towards something beyond myself, I was alive.

From the very start, I began here on this ground with my blood soaking myself. And here I ended, at the same point from the start of my existence. Did that mean I had achieved nothing in my life?

I didn't think so.

At this point, even memories from back then had started to become corrupted. I didn't know what I had done back then, but what I felt was still true.

I was content with how I lived up to now. Even if I had nothing to show for it, it was not a life worth looking down on.

A life acknowledged by my own life.

That was what it meant to exist.

[Protagonist Aura begins to react…]

[Protagonist Aura begins to react…]

[Protagonist Aura…!]

I couldn't remember what I was doing, nor who I was.

My body was fully tattered and I was implanted to the ground.

Yet for some reason, I felt a smile on my face.

11 seconds passed.