CH13 - Nica's Submission

Nica tosses and turns in her sleep, feeling something. She is unsure what she thinks as she wakes up in a cold sweat. Whispers, calling to her to examine her life.

Tiny tremors move through her body as she experiences a dull ache. Not the lingering pain of her arm but an ache she is almost ashamed of.

Gasping for air she awakens from her dreams as she sits upright in bed. Her correction had not come yet; no matter how angry Caesar was, he didn't correct her in his rage. Her torment for her failings to obey, for rescuing Sera would come in a few days. The anticipation of the whipping is more torturous than the moment itself.

As Nica takes deep breaths, she tries to calm her nerves, sure that it is her anticipation of trouble disturbing her sleep. The long deep breaths are slow and steady as she tries to calm her heart. She must find her peace, as letting her mind run away from her will not save her now.

Stepping out of her bed, Nica hears the familiar whispers that have haunted her all her life. The stories are barely discernable to tell what they are saying. They appear to be thoughts begging for one thing or another.

Tightening her eyes, she tries to drown out the sounds as she breathes from her mouth. Taking deep breaths that expand her lungs as her breath eases the tension.

Standing, she snaps her fingers to produce small flames as she lights candles throughout her room. Of course, she must blow them out when she returns to sleep.

But there is something about a well-lit room that helps ease the mind. To let her know that her fears are just that, fears. Turning around slowly, she sees she is alone, not even a mirror to reflect her image.

Proof that the whispers are just the quiet internal thoughts that have haunted her. Slipping her black witch's dress over her head, she feels the cool air against her naked flesh. Taking a deep breath, Nica feels exposed and calm in her skin.

Running her fingers over the wound on her shoulder, she flinches softly. She knows that by the end of the week, these imperfections will not be the only marks on her skin but the only permanent ones.

Tiny beads of sweat run down Nica's forehead as fears enter her mind. Fears that she is possibly getting sick from her wound. The thought of losing herself and her humanity to some disease scares her into leaving her bed.

Creeping on the balls of her feet, Nica approaches the wash basin and sits beside it. Whispering a phrase Gabriella taught her, the water begins to boil slowly.

A confusing spell, while effective, she can't imagine the implications beyond bathing. The slight rolling boil of the water is cool to the touch. It's cleansing water cool to her forehead but perfectly warm as she washes her legs.

Knowing the temperature is somehow perfect, she begins to scrub her body to cleanse herself of her worries and the aches of the previous day.

The insistent whispers leave her mind as she cleanses her body with soapy water. Smelling a delicate scent in her mind reminds her of home.

She has only experienced an indescribable scent a few times, but it has always brought a sense of calm and joy. Standing, she places her foot on the stool and washes her body, cleansing the ache with warm water and quelling her unspoken desires.

Nica closes her eyes, and the scent permeates every fiber of her being. Tiny pinpricks of anticipation move through her body. As her breath catches in her throat, she feels herself being watched. Holding her eyes closed, she tries to identify the feeling and how a room is possible by herself.

Nica holds her breath momentarily. She tries to hear footsteps as she feels eyes travel over every inch of her body. Feeling the terrible sensation of her body being explored. Her stomach twists in knots, feeling someone is watching her without her permission. Remembering that she had promised submission, with a trembling voice, she asks, "Caesar?"

Waiting moments, she hears nothing, not even the breath of another living soul. She pauses a moment as she straightens her body and waits for the attack. Her mind resides the spell as she repeatedly repeats the one for fire, waiting for the perfect moment to speak the final line.

"You chose submission... why?" A familiar but distant voice asks.

Nica, startled, opens her eyes to near darkness. Twisting her back as a sudden chill ran down her spine. Her eyes search the candles and watch them in startling clarity burn black flames. Their light flickering and bringing more and not less darkness.

"Whose there?" Nica's voice trembles, asking her lifelong questions.

"Why did you choose submission? Why trade one form of slavery for another?" The voice asks as Nica tries to hide her disappointment. She realizes that she won't ever be told who it is. Perhaps it is her journey to find out for herself.

"I had no choice," she sighs. This entity is the only presence and constant she has ever known.

"You always have a choice," the voice growls as Nica turns to look into the room's darkest corner. The darkness expands and contracts with each deep breath of the entity within. Hearing the pulse within her ears, she wonders what it looks like, what it would feel inside her. "Tell whomever it is that you yield to training and guidance, nothing more."

"I can't do that. I had already promised my submission," she whimpers softly.

"Tell the creature you submit to that you already swore your allegiance to the Gods. That your power comes from your devotion to them. It was the power of your allegiance alone that saved you."

"Why would I trade the slavery to a man to the slavery to the Gods?"

The growl that erupts from the corner shakes the ground as the room engulfs in pure darkness. In the earthquake's tremors, Nica stumbles forward and catches herself with a single outstretched hand.

Hearing the low growl of a seething creature above her, she closes her eyes, bracing herself for a strike that never comes. Instead, it is a fragrance that fills her mind as she slips back to the first time she smells it.

Nica watches a memory replaying in her mind of her and her sister running through the forest a decade ago. They were racing out at night to see the river at twelve and ten to see the vibrant blue luminescent that stirred within the rapids. They had gone at night as it was forbidden to go into the forest, and the rapids were too strong to swim against. Anyone who fell in would be lost forever.

Zoe had run towards the river, unaware of the darkness reaching for a firefly. When Zoe had caught her prize, she had tumbled into the water. By the time Nica had gotten to the water's edge, creatures from below were pulling Zoe deeper and deeper into the forbidden darkness. Caught in panic, Nica froze, unsure of what to do.

What seemed like hours passed in her mind when Zoe broke accessible to the surface minutes later. She had somehow, with never having learned to swim, fought against the rapids and crawled upon the shore.

As Nica cradled her baby sister in her arms, Nica smelled the indescribable scent for the first time. In her heart, at that moment, she swore her surrender and allegiance to the Gods.

Nica opens her eyes as a tear slips down her cheek. As she kneels, her body trembles in soft sobs as she realizes she surrendered her life out of love rather than fear. She must find Gabriella and tell her that while she submits to guidance, she will never offer herself to anyone but the Gods.