Pains And Hurt

"What are you saying?"

   I managed to squeak out. He just smirked and leaned forward on my desk, putting both his hands under his chin.

"What am I not saying? You heard me correctly"

I just looked at him dumbfounded. I can always handle things but not this one and I don't know why I am not frowning at what he said rather I am getting flattered.

  "Felix, we never had anything between us and besides you have got a fiance. And again, you know that I am lesbian, I have not stop being one"

He laughed softly at my remark and shook his head lightly. His hand moved to stroke my face softly, his thumb caressing my cheekbone tenderly.

"I know that, Natasha. I got a thing for you and it has to do with the fact that you don't like boys. I just want to make you see that there is more to love than having it for your gender alone. Don't make me spell it out for you, my love"

   My eyes widened upon hearing those words.  My heart skipped a beat upon hearing them and suddenly all of my thoughts were wiped clean from my brain when a familiar feeling came over me. I knew he was telling the truth but I didn't want to believe him. I wanted to believe he was only teasing me, but somehow, I can't seem to convince myself of that.

  But like a bucket of ice was poured on me, I returned back to my sense and leaned backward escaping his touch.

"No, Felix. There was a reason I left home and that is because I never wanted to have anything to do with you." I said coldly.

   There were a couple of seconds of silence between us and then, without giving me time to react he took my jaw and forced my head to look straight at him.

"Do you have any idea how unfair that is?!" His grip got stronger making it hard for me to breath as well.

"Let me go, Felix."

I whispered through gritted teeth. His gaze shifted between mine and then he loosened his grip. 

  "You made a promise to me that day, you said you will give me a chance to prove my love to you and the next day I could not find you and you are telling me right now that you never wanted to have a anything to do with me. Why then did you deceive me?"

His tune were laced with anger and I knew I had hurt him knowingly. I lied to him because that's what I wanted him to believe.

  I could remember I was ready to see how a relationship with him will go but mom would not even let me into the house. I would not tell him all that though. 

"I did not deceive you. Yes I  made a promise to you but when I realized that a relationship with you will be one sided and I did not want that. I am sorry I did not call you to tell you, I was afraid that if I call you, you will give me one thousand and one reasons not to leave home"

  The lies were just flowing out of my mouth. Today, I realized that I am a professional liar.

  His blank expression stated that he never believed all I said. 

 "Really?"

He said raising his eyebrow.

I nodded.

   I couldn't stand the looks he gave me anymore. It seemed the anger had gone from him now and instead all the emotion and pain was back in his voice.

"And you expect me to believe you, huh, Natasha Martins?"

He asked, shaking his head lightly,

"You must think I am a fool to believe all that. I waited day and night for you, my waiting days turned into months, months into a year and a year into years and you sit right in front of me to tell me this nonsense. You are selfish then for not being considerate enough. It's my fault that I am the one who could not stop loving you even after so many years

The last part was whispered and it sounded like a sob. 

I could feel the tears welling in my own eyes but I refused to let them fall.

  He waited for me to at least say something and when that did not happen,he stood up and started leaving my office. I swallowed hard when I could not contain the feeling of guilt down my throat. I stood up too to see him to the door.