Episode 7 [18+]

The thing about being a sentient toilet in Lavatoria is that there's really no such thing as a "normal" morning. Ever. I've come to accept that waking up usually involves some kind of absurdity or embarrassment, but today? Today took it to a whole new level.

I was enjoying a rare moment of peace—if you can call it sleep when you're a toilet—when I felt something strange. There was a soft, rhythmic sensation, almost like someone was... rubbing me. At first, I tried to ignore it, chalking it up to some weird dream (which I still had, for some reason), but the feeling persisted, growing more insistent by the second.

Then I heard a voice.

"Come on, Jake. Time to wake up," Nixie's sultry voice purred. "We've got goblins to deal with."

"Goblins?" I thought groggily, still half-asleep. "What does that have to do with—wait. What is she doing?"

I jolted awake—or, rather, I tried to, but the sensation that had pulled me out of my slumber was now far too intense to ignore. Nixie was rubbing my porcelain penis, her fingers tracing delicate, teasing circles along its surface, coaxing it out of its hidden compartment.

"Oh no. Oh no no no," I thought, panic setting in as I realized what was happening.

Nixie, clearly unfazed, continued her... work, her eyes gleaming with amusement as she leaned closer. "There you are," she murmured, her lips brushing against my glowing appendage. "Time to give me that magical boost, Toilet Man."

I wanted to protest, to tell her to stop, but my porcelain body wasn't exactly cooperating. Instead, I could feel the familiar pressure building inside me, the magical energy swirling in my tank as Nixie's soft hands continued to work their magic.

Before I knew it, she wasn't just rubbing anymore.

"Oh God," I thought, "She's... she's really doing this."

Nixie leaned down, her mouth wrapping around my porcelain penis with a skill that I definitely wasn't prepared for. The feeling was electric, sending waves of magic through my entire frame. I could feel my porcelain limbs twitching, my handle fingers clenching as the pressure inside me built to a breaking point.

And then it happened.

I came.

But this wasn't just any release. No, this was a magical explosion of epic proportions. My magical sperm filled Nixie's mouth, glowing with an intense, otherworldly light. She swallowed it eagerly, her eyes flashing with a newfound power as the energy coursed through her.

She pulled away, wiping her lips with a grin. "Thanks for the boost, Jake. Now, let's go smash some goblins."

I was still reeling from the experience, my porcelain tank rattling as I tried to process what had just happened. "You... you can't just wake me up like that!" I sputtered, my voice filled with a mix of shock and embarrassment.

Nixie shrugged, clearly unfazed. "Hey, it worked, didn't it? You're awake, and now I've got enough magic in me to take out a whole nest of goblins in no time."

Before I could argue further, Nixie stood up and stretched, her fingers crackling with the magical energy she had just absorbed. She gave me a wink, her confidence radiating as she turned toward the door.

"Come on, Toilet Man. Time to go smash some goblins. You can whine about your wake-up call later."

We arrived at the goblin nest not long after. It was a disgusting, stinking pit on the outskirts of the village, filled with the kinds of creatures you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley—or anywhere, really. The goblins were filthy, their green skin slick with grime, and their sharp, beady eyes glinted with malice as they scurried around their lair.

Nixie, however, looked completely unfazed. If anything, she seemed excited. She rolled her shoulders and flexed her fingers, which still glowed faintly with the magical energy she'd siphoned from me earlier.

"Alright, let's make this quick," she said, her voice filled with a confident edge. "I've got goblins to splatter."

I watched, still somewhat stunned from the morning's events, as Nixie sauntered toward the entrance of the nest, her hands crackling with power. A group of goblins spotted her and let out a chorus of hisses and growls, raising their crude weapons as they prepared to attack.

But Nixie didn't even blink. With a casual flick of her finger, she unleashed a burst of magical energy that shot through the air like a lightning bolt, hitting the first goblin square in the chest.

The creature exploded on impact.

I'm not talking about a regular goblin death. No, this was full-on, paint-the-walls-with-goblin-guts kind of explosion. The goblin's body turned into a spray of green goo and chunks of flesh that rained down on the others, leaving them stunned and confused.

"Holy crap," I muttered, watching in disbelief.

Nixie grinned, clearly enjoying herself. "Told you I got a magical boost. Now, let's see how many more I can take out with just a flick."

The remaining goblins didn't stand a chance. One by one, Nixie dispatched them with ease, flicking her fingers and watching as they exploded into gory fireworks. It was a gruesome display, but I had to admit—it was incredibly effective. In a matter of minutes, the goblin nest had been reduced to a puddle of green sludge and scattered bones.

"Well, that was... messy," I said, still trying to wrap my head around how quickly Nixie had wiped out the entire goblin nest.

Nixie turned to me, wiping her hands on her pants as if she hadn't just obliterated an entire goblin army. "Easy peasy. Thanks for the power-up, Jake. You make goblin hunting a lot more fun."

I groaned, feeling both embarrassed and slightly proud at the same time. "Yeah, well, glad I could help, I guess."

Just as we were about to leave, Ursha came storming into the clearing, her face twisted in frustration. "I missed the whole damn thing, didn't I?" she grumbled, eyeing the splattered goblin remains with annoyance. "I wanted to smash a few heads too!"

"Sorry," Nixie said with a grin. "Jake here gave me a magical boost, and I kind of took care of everything."

Ursha shot me a jealous look, her hands on her hips. "A magical boost, huh? And what, you didn't save any goblins for me?"

"Hey, I didn't ask for any of this!" I protested, still reeling from the morning's events.

Ursha sighed, shaking her head. "Well, whatever. It's not like I'm here just for the goblins anyway. I've got... other business to take care of."

Before I could ask what she meant, she shot me a knowing look and stomped over.

"Toilet Man," she said, her voice suddenly tense. "I need to go. Now."

My porcelain tank rattled with a familiar sense of dread. "Oh no! Not again!"

I stared at Ursha as she approached me, her expression a mix of frustration and urgency. "You've got to be kidding me," I groaned, already knowing exactly what was coming.

"Nope, not kidding," she said, her voice strained. "I've been holding it in through the whole goblin fiasco. I need to go. Now."

Before I could protest, she was already undoing her armor and battle skirt, looking all too eager to use me for my intended purpose.

"Ursha, wait—can't you, I don't know, find a bush or something? I've already had a day full of weirdness, and—"

But it was too late. She plopped down on me with a satisfied sigh, her massive minotaur form weighing heavily on my porcelain frame. I braced myself for the inevitable, trying to mentally prepare for what was about to happen.

"Oh, that's better," Ursha groaned, shifting slightly as she settled in. "Toilet Man, you always know how to be in the right place at the right time."

I grumbled internally, still trying to comprehend the absurdity of my life. Being a sentient toilet had its share of humiliations, but this? This was a new level.

Then, it happened. The familiar, warm sensation of her relieving herself inside me hit with full force. At first, it was just pee, which I was already somewhat used to, but then… well, things escalated.

"Oh no," I muttered. "Please tell me this isn't happening."

Ursha shifted again, and I felt it—she was doing more than just peeing. "Oh, come on!" I mentally screamed, the full weight of the situation settling in.

As if things couldn't get worse, the strange, familiar feeling returned. That odd, forbidden sense of arousal bubbled up inside me, and before I knew it, my porcelain penis was back. It popped out, glowing with magical energy, just like it had earlier with Nixie.

Ursha noticed immediately, her eyes widening in surprise. She paused mid-relief and glanced down at the glowing appendage sticking out between her legs.

"Well, well," she said with a wicked grin. "Looks like someone's still got some energy left after all."

I tried to protest, to explain that this wasn't exactly my idea, but before I could get a word in, Ursha grabbed my porcelain penis with her strong, calloused hands. She gave it a firm squeeze, her grin widening.

"You know," she said, leaning down, "I'm starting to think you like being my toilet."

Before I could argue, she leaned in further, her mouth wrapping around my glowing appendage.

And, well, you know how it goes.

(Graphic sucking sounds and moaning echoed through the forest.)

"Moooooooooooo!"

When it was all over, Ursha pulled away, wiping her mouth with a satisfied smirk. "That's what I call a good start to the day," she said, standing up and adjusting her armor. "Thanks, Toilet Man. You really know how to keep things interesting."

I was still in a daze, my porcelain body rattling slightly as I tried to recover from the sheer absurdity of what had just happened. "This is my life now," I muttered. "This is who I am."

Ursha patted me on the side and glanced over at Nixie, who was still casually lounging nearby, twirling a lock of her silver hair between her fingers.

"You two had your fun without me," Ursha said with a playful grin. "But I think I made up for it."

Nixie laughed, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "Don't worry, Ursha. There'll be plenty more opportunities for fun. Besides, you were always the more... hands-on type."

Ursha chuckled, grabbing her axe and slinging it over her shoulder. "Damn right. Now, let's get back to the village and collect our reward. I'm starving."

We made our way back to the village, passing the now-destroyed goblin nest that Nixie had obliterated in minutes. The villagers greeted us with gratitude, offering food and coins as thanks for clearing out the goblins. Ursha happily accepted the reward, while I just tried to process the fact that I had been used for both battle and... other purposes in such a short span of time.

As we walked back toward the Adventurer's Guild, Nixie leaned over and gave me a playful nudge.

"See, Jake? Not so bad, right? A little goblin slaying, a little... fun. You're getting the hang of this adventuring thing."

I groaned, my handle fingers twitching slightly. "I didn't sign up for this kind of adventuring, Nixie."

She laughed, her voice light and teasing. "Oh, come on. Admit it—you love it. Life's never boring when you're Lavatoria's most powerful toilet."

Ursha chimed in, grinning down at me. "Yeah, Toilet Man. You might not have asked for this, but you're handling it better than anyone else could. Besides, you're stuck with us now. Might as well enjoy the ride."

I sighed, feeling both exasperated and oddly resigned to my fate. "I guess you're right. This is my life now."

And with that, we returned to the guild, ready for whatever weird, insane, and probably humiliating adventure awaited us next.