Inhale

It felt really different, this was the first time Joanne had asked me for help. Something she was clearly very passionate about. I furrowed my brows and brushed my hair back. I had been sitting on her bed while she sat across from me on her little grey sofa. Her knees to her chest and her arms placed neatly on the armrests. I was a bit afraid, on edge. Being alone in her room without her brother. My teeth scraped my bottom lip.

"Tomorrow?" I asked.

"Tomorrow what?" She replied, stretching her legs out from their previous position.

"I tell him, or when?" My eyes followed her as she stood up and walked over to me. My heart was beating.

She was wearing a tank top and red sweats. Her socks were two different colors and lengths. My cheeks were flustered. "Well, yes… The sooner the better I hope so that he doesn't walk around thinking he has the world in his hands. He will carry your dilemma for a while."

"MY dilemma?!" My voice was raised and equally as confused.

Joanne panicked. "Shut up!" She covered my mouth. "You know what I mean, you're not dumb."

My eyes looked into hers and she tried her best to suppress a smile. Her hand moved from my mouth to my thighs and I quivered in fear.

Thoughts of my mother raced in my head. How disgusted she would be with me and how I would have to marry Joanne in order to save her soul as well.

Joanne didn't stop, She pushed me onto the bed and climbed over me. Has she been always attracted to me as well? Or is this in the heat of the moment?

Her lips kissed mine and I forced my eyes shut. I was not comfortable what so ever, but I didn't stop her. It was like she was unaware, which was strange for Joanne considering how progressive she was. Her hands felt up my thigh and my throat tightened. "Stop.." I jolted away, pushing her back slightly. "I can't, I really like you, Joanne." My heart raced too. "I wish I could- WE could- but my mom. And GOD- imagine God too here, Joanne."

Her eyes searched mine and her pupils constricted. She quickly stood back up. "You're right, I'm sorry, Caesar. I'm sorry, I didn't want to push you." Then her breath started to pick up in speed. "You're really that religious huh, you can never think for yourself."

I got up off the bed and turned towards the window. I did not want to continue in her presence. It was so demeaning, I would love to treat her the way she wants to be. It's just not me, My mother raised me and I am her son.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I finally said and began to go out the same way I came in. She lightly brushed my back as she guided me down the wooden frame. The heat from my body began to wear off and my mind slowly cleared up. My shoes had just enough grip to keep them from sliding off the frame but the frame seemed like it was giving out. Squeaking and squealing came from the worn-out wood. My heart had a different kind of panic. My fingers clawed into the wood and I looked up at Joanne. That's when it finally broke. The wood under my left foot snapped, my right foot wasn't even on the frame and my weight was too much for the arms.

Joanne watched me fall from her window, a loud and heavy thump came from me as I hit the ground with my back. I groaned.

"Oh my god! Caesar, Are you okay?!" She yelled with a quiet voice. I held my breath, trying to keep my emotions in control; but a small tear fell from my increasingly watering eyes. My back was in immense pain, my shoulder blades took the brunt of the impacts and my neck was starting to get sore. I loved Joanne, I did not want to see soft or weak especially after rejecting her advances.

I contained myself though. "I'm good Jo- I just need to get home." And after a few minutes, I pulled myself up. Hunched over hoping I wasn't injuring my back a lot more.

Clearly, I was not going to ride my bike back home, so I pushed it down the streets. Every step I took was more and more painful. My breath was hiccuping as I started crying a few feet away from my house.

Carefully, I climbed back in through the window and slid into the bed. I had never felt so much pain and I knew I was not doing the best for myself at the time. I was nervous and in shock and if I had done something, my mother would find out I had been sneaking out.

I laid on my side, controlling my breathing in order to quiet my crying. Am I sure I want to hide this? What if I broke my spine? If I really hurt my ribs or my shoulder blades?

My phone lit up from inside my robe pocket and I pulled it out.

Joanne: Hey are you okay!?

Me: I thinkIam

My typing was not spaced out correctly, It was touch and my hands were shaking from the pain.

Joanne: are you going to tell your mom?

Me: NoIdont want her to know I snuck out

Joanne: I'll come to see you tomorrow, I feel bad, I should've called the ambulance, that was a bad fall.

Me: it is not that bad, I'm okay just a little sore

I was very, very sore.

I dozed off a couple of times only to wake up every time I tried to move. The feeling was very, very painful and it felt like there was no way to describe it properly. I sobbed all night, thinking of how I could have hurt myself or even the embarrassment I put myself in front of Joanne. My stomach grumbled and My head ached.

How was i going to explain this to my mom? How was I going to get God to forgive my sinful actions? Was this a punishment from him?

My breath was the only thing I could control in the dark.

"Caesar?" My mother's voice came from the door, then a knock.

"Yes?"

"Can I come in?" She always came in to see me every morning.

"No," I answered back quickly. I did not want her to see me, however, I looked. I knew she would touch me and hurt my back more. "Not today mum, please."

"That's strange, are you okay?" She began to push open the door.

"MOM! Please don't, not today!" I groaned. My eyes were squeezed together as I tried to withhold the pain. It stung up and down my body. I heard her say something in Spanish and then walk away. I sighed in relief. I pulled myself out of the bed and walked over to my full-sized mirror that leaned slanted against the wall. Slipping off my robe and pulling up my shirt, I turned my back towards the mirror. I was stunned at what I was looking at but ultimately it was something expected. A bruise down my upper back which was especially worse on my shoulder blades. I whimpered.

Saturday was today, I planned in my head a full day of rest. I did not have a problem with that, but with the consistency of our daily get-togethers; I was sure the twins would not be happy. There was a very good smell coming from outside my door and amusing enough, I knew it was my mother trying to lure me out of the room.

I was generally afraid of showing some kind of pain or ache or issue in front of my mother. Who had an issue of coddling me too much. Whatever she made in the kitchen was very alluring and I was beginning to itch forward closer to the door.

Pushing the door open, I made sure I was somewhat hiding the fact that I was injured. If I just rest and wait it out, the bruises will obviously go away. My mom turned around as she heard my footsteps down the hallway, a soft smirk across her caramel skin. I pulled myself up onto the stools placed next to the island of the kitchen. She placed a plate of my favourite breakfast in front of me. Surprisingly, she was an absurdly fast cook. The plate consisted of Huevo's Rancheros, bacon, sausage and toast.

I remembered what had happened yesterday with Joanne. Thinking about it gave me chills but it mostly gave me fear. Maybe i should have reciprocated, and that me choosing not to scared her off. I wouldn't know. Hopefully it didn't, because truthfully I do love her.

The smell was too much for my nose, I rubbed it.

"Here have some sauce-"

My eyes blink upwards, my mother looks at me in disbelief. I raise a brow in confusion.

"You must have been really hungry..?" She continues and I look down at my plate. I basically inhaled my breakfast.

I think of something to tell her. Trying to brush off the awkwardness and my confusion. "Yes, I didn't eat anything for dinner yesterday."

"Okay… well you know we have snacks-" She coughs.

"I know, ama, I was just starving. I had a lot of homework to finish up yesterday."