Into the black

You know...normally in anime getting run over by a car or a truck is an instakill so why the fuck am I suffering so much right now!?!?. Looking back at my life so far it hasn't been great there were sad moments that made me contemplate jumping off a cliff but there were also happy moments where I felt like I took my first sniff of some reeeeaaaallly good drugs.

Just as things were starting to look up, it all came crashing.....literally. I just got hired to work in a tech store a little ways down the road from where I lived and I was already planning on how I was gonna use my time, I was gonna go back to school, get a higher paying job, move out of my parents house, get my life together and finally start living, heck I was thinking of taking my lil love interest out on a date but that couldn't happen because some dumb little girl in a BMW decided it was OK to text and drive....at this point fuck. my. life.

Heh I was...so close... I took in whatever little gasps of air my now crushed lungs could still take in, wondering if id get out of this alive. In true Jamaican traffic accident fashion  a crowd of people  had now formed around me wondering out loud how hard I got hit, looking at the bones and blood gushing out of my body wondering if they should help me or not, a few of them even ran off to go puke and I'd have laughed but in feel like if I tried doing anything right now it would just kill me faster.

Looking through the wall of feet in my face I saw a girl crying into her phone next to a bloody BMW. I don't think I'd ever be able to describe the level of anger I felt towards that girl....if looks could kill she would be as broken and bloody as I am right now. I could hear her saying how I just suddenly walked into the road in front of her....yeah never mind I wanna kill this bitch...when I left the grocery store I made sure to watch the stoplight and made sure all the cars had stopped but for some reason this woman didn't stop but instead drove into a speed bump, lost control of the car and hit me when she and I quote "looked at my phone for a second". The only thing I remembered after that was a numbing pain, being in the air, fruitloops and my favourite ramen flying all about me and landing hard on the hot pavement

My attention was brought elsewhere when I heard sirens blaring, it was an ambulance it came pretty quickly too considering that paramedics almost always seem to arrive too late to a scene.

I was happy that there was at least a chance to be saved. The paramedics ran over quickly and layer a stretcher next to me and lifted me unto it but something didn't feel right, well I could say that I didn't feel anything at all when they lifted me. The stretcher went over a bump in the road and that's when I realised that I in fact couldn't feel anything and that lead me to the conclusion that my spine must have gotten damaged when I took the hit and now I'm paralyzed sigh and now I know that if I survive I'll be an invalid and a burden to those around me.....

"Someone kill me now."

Just a fair warning I'm an overthinker at heart so in every situation there's always gonna be a million thoughts blasting through my head all at once. I thought to myself just as I felt a sharp buzzing I'm my chest.

"Wait, wait in didn't mean it literally!".

My vision started to get blurry as my chest tightened and it got harder to breath, my life literally started flashing right in front of me.

"I guess I'm dying for real now huh?" 

I looked at the blue sky one last time, I thought of my little brother and how I'd never see him grow, teach him how to talk to girls and and to not simp, be there for him when his first love breaks his heart, and introduce him to his first anime, how I'd never make my dad proud of me just like I promised him, invite him to my wedding, let him meet his grandkids, take care of him when he can no longer take care of himself.

How I'd never get to see 'her' again how I'd never be able to ask her out and finally tell her how I feel.....and how another man would end up having her I sighed internally as I looked back at all the things I'd have to give up and all the people and freedoms I'd have to say goodbye to. Just my luck that I'm dying the day I was gonna ask her out and just as I was finally starting to put my life together. As weak as I'm feeling right now I could feel my blood boiling at the thought of her being with someone else, someone else holding her, kissing her, making her smile. Call me crazy but I felt like those things were an honor only I should have so I tried to hold on a little longer, to stay alive just a moment longer, for her, for my family but that's when I remembered that I still couldn't feel my legs. I'd be nothing but a burden to everyone, maybe dying wouldn't be so bad after all.

I closed my eyes and one last time thought about everyone I'd be leaving behind with her smiling face being the last thing I thought about before I could feel myself fade away and with the last ounce of strength I could muster and a painful smile. I said goodbye to everyone and to 'her'. To this world and to this life.

"Looks like I'll be doing something stupid again, I'm sorry"