Chapter 18: Hold My Hand

So the days just gone by so fast. I continue my routine, wake up for work, manage to eat Mom's dishes despite my unusual appetite, take my medications and fight this battle everyday fiercely because I still want to continue living in this world.

Another day for my chemotherapy, but this time my Mom accompanies me with my Uncle. He voluntered to drive us on our way to the hospital. For the past few days, I really feel so weak and dizzy that I need to hold on to someone so I can walk with stability. I think that feeling is worst today. As when Mom and I are walking towards the hospital hallway it's like there are some sort of bells ringing within both of my ears and my surrounding is becoming so dark. My Uncle is stilI at the parking lot getting some of our things. I hold firmly to my Mom saying "Mom, I think I will collapse". But before she can answer me, everything went dark. . .

I know I that I fainted, but maybe not totally because I can still hear my Mom's voice almost in a hysterical mode calling out for help. Then after awhile, I felt like I was lifted up. I don't know who's carrying me right now, as I'm too weak to even open my eyes. Somehow I recognize the scent of the person holding me. I was transferred to what seems to be a stretcher then after that I passed out.

I woke up in the hospital bedroom with my Mom sitting beside my bed. "Mom. . . what happened? I asked her puzzled about what had transpired earlier. "Darling, I'm glad that you woke up. You fainted earlier I got so worried that I screamed for help. Good thing Lance is just nearby, he carried you to a stretcher and brought you with the hospital staff to the emergency room. Your blood pressure is too low, that's why you collapse. Lance told me that you will need to have blood transfusion first before you can proceed with your treatment. The infusion will be postponed until tomorrow. Later, the nurse will set-up the blood transfusion equipment. She's just getting the blood from the blood bank at this time," my Mom explained. "Oh, so that's why I feel so dizzy for the past few days." Oh well, life's like that. I'm broken hearted last week, then physically weak this week so what more could happen to me. Still, I'm grateful to God that I'm alive and still fighting this difficult ordeal. "You can sleep more. The nurse said, she might get back after 2 hrs to draw blood from you so they can check your blood count," my Mom gently touch my forehead before going back to her seat. I closed my eyes and was engulfed by a deep slumber.

I'm walking in what seems to be a forest. No one seems to be around and it's getting dark. I began to feel anxious and scared because I'm sensing some kind of danger. I am lost in this huge and dark forest without someone with me. I tried to walk ahead to find my way out but I'm being brought back to the same place. Is this a dream? What's happening? After going around in circles, I began to feel tired, hungry and thirsty. I sat and lean on a tree behind me and began to cry. I felt remorse and despair. Is this the end of me? Then for some reason I felt someone's presence. I look up and saw a very familiar face. "My princess I'm here, hold my hand." I recognize the person and utters his name. "Lance. . ." I opened my eyes and realized that I just woke up from a dream. "Are you able to rest well?" A familiar voice asked me, and when I look to my side I saw Lance, holding my hand with an expression of what seems to be a mixture of concern and relief. I tried to pinch my cheek. "What are you doing?" He asked. "I was just checking if I'm really awake." I replied and smiled at him. I'm not sure why, but last week I was just balling my eyes out because of this man and now I'm smiling my hearts out because he's holding my hand. . .