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I’m the Bounty Hunter Who Can Turn Anything into Rice

When a meteor hits Frank's house, he saves the magical dragon inside. Perplexingly, the dragon rewards Frank by giving him a superpower and sending him back to the world the dragon came from. This superpower is... the ability to turn stuff into rice. Armed with this new ability, Frank will never go hungry again as he starts his new life as a Bounty Hunter in another world. Unfortunately for him, other people also have powers... and they're all better than his own. Warning: this is a dumb and very much non-serious story.

EldritchBlade · Fantasia
Classificações insuficientes
5 Chs

I Beat a Child and Learned His Tragic Backstory

Two minutes later, the kid lay nearly unconscious on the ground, groaning in pain.

Frank glared down at the kid in contempt. "In the future, I hope that teaches you not to make your magical bear attack homeless people for no reason. Learn some manners and become a productive member of society, boy."

"Look who's talking, unemployed," the boy groaned. "Oh, it hurts..."

"Hey!" Frank snapped. "Stop calling me unemployed as though you have a job. Killing and robbing people isn't a job." He looked at the piles of rice that remained on the forest floor at his feet. "I do feel bad about the bear, though. He deserved a better owner than you. It's too bad I had to kill him."

The boy slowly pulled himself up to a sitting position, rubbing his head. "First, I do have a real job, so I'm more of a productive member of society than a hobo like you will ever be. Second, Teddywumpus isn't dead forever, so get over yourself."

Frank cocked an eyebrow. "Wait, what? You have some kind of an immortal magical bear?"

The boy had dropped his bear-rock when Frank had beaten him up, so he now stooped and retrieved it. The rock was a piece of granite small enough to fit in the boy's hand, and it was carved crudely into the vague shape of a brown bear standing on its hind legs. "Teddywumpus is my Pocket Man. Because we're a civilized country, we don't execute horrible criminals. Instead, a government wizard casts a spell that turns the criminal into an animal and locks it in a rock so that orphans like me can have a proper job and contribute to the economy."

Frank stared in horror at the rock. "So that poor bear used to be a horrible criminal? What exactly did he do?"

"Serial tax evasion," said the boy. "Don't worry, he lost all his memories. He just thinks that he's a bear. But he's my bear. And I use him to do errands the orphanage gives me, like eradicating the homeless from the woods. If Teddywumpus kills things or eats meat, he gains experience. I can spend some of that experience to Turbo Evolve him for a little bit of time, but if I get enough, he can permanently evolve!"

The boy let out a sigh of longing. "Maybe then Teddywumpus and me will be strong enough to become Bounty Hunters and I don't have to just be an orphan anymore."

His expression changed to one of sadness. "Life's been so hard since Mommy and Daddy were killed by a giant accidentally stepping on them. I know the orphanage is giving us the greatest gift imaginable by making us work at real jobs so we don't become hobos, but it's so hard. They beat us worse than you just did if we don't bring enough money back each day, and they make us fight our Pocket Mans to grow stronger for the military, which is where most of us go after we're too old for the orphanage."

Pity filled Frank's heart. This kid was a brad and an asshole, but it sounded like this land was almost as miserable a place to live as the one he'd just left. Children were given criminal furries and told to murder the homeless, and then if they didn't bring back enough money they got beaten, and it was all for the sake of training them for military service? "My school was pretty much like yours when I grew up," said Frank, "with a few slightly different details. Boy, I want to help you find a better life. Show me this orphanage of yours. I want to have a few words with your orphan keeper."

This is a stupid story. Thank you for reading. I'm co-writing a serious story with Hamapo called "Zombie Survival System" and you should check that one out too.

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