5

Chapter 5

"Is there something wrong, father?" Victor asked as he sat down at his desk and picked up the phone.

"No, why do you ask?", Mr. Krusenstern replied.

Victor raised an eyebrow suspiciously. Something seemed odd about his voice and although his question was innocent, it made Victor slightly uneasy.

"Uh, nothing", Victor replied, looking up, "just wondering about something."

"Right"

There was a moment of silence before Victor remembered something.

"Father", he questioned hesitantly, "are you sure it's okay for us to go to the school's graduation ceremony tomorrow night? What will you be doing?"

"Yeah, I've made arrangements to come and watch", his father replied casually, "there's going to be plenty of food, drink and dancing, and all the students from both the secondary schools and the first-year girls will be coming along".

"Really?", Victor exclaimed. He never expected such a thing to happen. His parents attended the graduation ceremonies every year, but since Victor didn't attend many, he hardly ever received any invitation to one of his father's. Usually he went with the principal, but today was different. He would certainly be able to enjoy it as much as everyone else. Victor knew that his mother would probably insist on having a huge cake and champagne afterwards and he'd be pretty pissed if she decided that she couldn't afford to pay for everything on her own.

"Well, you should definitely come. I think it'll be fun", Mr. Krusenstern insisted.

"Are you certain that we won't interrupt the ceremony?", Victor asked, a frown crossing his features, "do we really need to come, dad?".

"Yes, I think it'll be good for us, son. We should definitely go. We don't want people gossiping about us now that we're retired, do we?".

A light laugh escaped his lips before he replied: "no, sir. Right, I'm sure you're right".

"Great, then I'll call you later today to set a date", his father informed him, "have a wonderful day at your graduation, son, I love you".

"Love you too, dad", Victor responded, before hanging up the call.

Victor placed his phone on the side before reaching for his pen to begin making his signature, however he quickly stopped, staring at his computer screen for a couple of seconds. For some reason, he felt the urge to write something, yet he didn't know what he was supposed to write. He racked his brain to try and remember what he should put down there and it wasn' s until he heard a knock on the door that he realized he was sitting there completely frozen, staring at a blank piece of paper.

"Yes?", Victor asked, raising his head in surprise.

"Sir, a package has arrived for you", Jäger called from outside the room.

Victor bit his lip nervously and stood up, walking across the room to open the door. As soon as it opened, Victor saw Jäger stand in the doorway, carrying two boxes in his hands.

"Thanks", Victor said, taking one box from him and stepping aside, "let me take these upstairs".

His bodyguards followed him upstairs and waited patiently while he unlocked and opened the first of the boxes. After he had removed some clothes from each of them and folded them neatly onto the floor, he turned back to face them.

"So", he started, "what did you guys bring?"

Jäger took the hint immediately and handed him the other box. Victor gave him a quizzical expression as he opened it, but instead of a white envelope, his eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He stared at the box with wide eyes, staring at it in disbelief. Finally, after a few minutes of utter shock, Victor managed to speak.

"This isn't funny, guys", he said, sounding slightly hysterical, "this isn't even remotely funny".

The first thing that came out of his mouth was more a statement than anything else. It was clear, even to himself, that Victor had gotten too used to the constant routine of life without his memories. If there was one thing they were very good at, it was messing with peoples' minds. And the fact that this time around it wasn't his mind messing with anyone's, well... it terrified him a little.

Both Jägers simply stood there watching him in silence. They knew better than to respond to Victor's outburst. After all, they knew very well how important the box Victor was holding in his hand truly was.

Victor swallowed thickly, turning away from them so that he wasn't forced to watch as Jäger moved closer. The sight only served to make him feel sicker. This wasn't normal. Not even a bit. He shouldn't be scared – not anymore at least. Yet he still found himself unable to move.

Finally, Jäger stepped forward and reached out, gently taking Victor's trembling hand from inside the box.

"Don't cry", Jäger advised, resting a reassuring hand against his shoulder, "everything is alright, Vitya. Nothing bad will happen tomorrow".

Despite the reassurance, Victor found that he didn't believe it at all. Not one single bit. All of this seemed way too surreal and far too unreal. And, despite being aware that it could end terribly, Victor still couldn't help but to imagine something happening to Jäger and he wouldn't even get to know it and -

He gasped, feeling tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. He blinked a couple of times before he finally managed to control his shaking hands enough to reach into the box again. When he did, Victor grabbed the envelope out of the box and let out an audible gasp as he read the words written in elegant, black print:

"I hereby award my son the title of Hero of Krimson-Stronow, as he has completed his last year at boarding school and has achieved the highest possible level of education under his age. I'm proud of him and thank him for all the hard work he puts into studying and becoming successful.

Sincerely,

Nikiforov"

Victor frowned deeply as he re-read the letter twice and then, finally, he ripped it into pieces and threw it into the trashcan next to him.

He suddenly felt incredibly weak. Like he was ready to collapse at any minute. He could feel the hot tears rolling down his cheeks, soaking into the front of his shirt, as he buried his face in his hands. Jäger walked up to him carefully, placing a gentle hand onto his shoulder.

"I can't be here anymore", Victor choked out between sobs as he leaned his forehead against Jäger's chest, "I can't be here anymore".

Jäger nodded silently, pulling Victor into a strong hug. He knew exactly how terrible it felt to see someone die. But, unlike Victor, he couldn't understand how the boy felt. Victor was still recovering from the death of a loved one. Jäger couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose someone close to his heart and have their last memory of him be of his screaming in pain when his brain was forcefully ripped apart.

But he also couldn't imagine what it would be like to watch someone they cared so much about slowly wither away and eventually turn into dust. So, Jäger simply hugged his best friend and comforted him as best as he could.

Victor continued to sob against the Jäger's chest, clutching at his shirt desperately, and after some time, Victor managed to calm himself down and regain his breath. After a while of silence, he sighed as he reluctantly pulled away.

"Thank you", he muttered, wiping the tears off his cheeks and trying to look as composed as possible, "you must be tired, huh?"

Jäger shrugged in response as he wiped his own tears away, and Victor chuckled bitterly. There were so many emotions swirling in his soul that he couldn't quite place a finger on them. But one emotion in particular was standing out in his mind right now. Anger. It was anger that made his insides burn with anger and hate and disappointment. And Victor's hatred was directed towards himself, because he had failed to protect his friends, and he was just angry. So, angry that this stupid box hadn't been able to save Yuri Plisetsky, but angry at Victor too, for failing to prevent that from happening at all. Angry because if the contents of that box didn't make Victor fall madly in love, nothing would ever do. Jäger hated seeing Victor upset, and he hated seeing him blaming himself. Victor deserved no less than absolute happiness. That was why Jäger hated seeing Victor crying. Even if he had died, he should have died knowing that his sacrifice was a great honor. He should have been surrounded by friends and family who would have done the same thing he did.

He hated seeing Victor like this, because Victor was always there for him. When Jäger needed someone to talk to, Victor had always been there to listen and reassure him. He'd be there to listen to Jäger vent, or just sit there quietly with a soothing smile on his face. When Jäger needed someone to listen to him complain, Victor was always there to listen and make sure his pain was understood. When Jäger needed someone to hold him and tell him things would be alright, Victor was always there to comfort and support him in any situation. Jäger may not have seen Victor very often due to how busy Victor got with his duties as Head of the Military Command Center at Krimson-Stronow. However, he had come to care a lot about Victor and he wanted Victor to never suffer through anything again. He couldn't bare the thought that one day Victor might stop talking and smiling, just like everyone else.

Jäger didn't like seeing his partner sad, nor did he like seeing him hurt. And, unfortunately, Victor was suffering from both. He wasn't happy because Victor had lost his memories of his past or the memories of his childhood. No, he was sad because Victor had lost all of those memories. He couldn't even recall his name. His own father had died when he was three years old and his mother passed away shortly afterwards from depression, resulting in his brother's premature death a few years after her passing. Victor had grown up in a family filled with sadness and sadness – he was an orphan – yet he had never once experienced the pain that Jäger felt whenever he saw Victor hurting. For the first time in his short lifetime, he was experiencing it himself. And, although it hurt, and it pained him terribly, he was helpless. He was completely powerless. If only he hadn't allowed Victor to go along with him that day, none of this would have happened! What kind of idiot decided that it would be a good idea to take advantage of such an open opportunity? He should have told Victor that this plan was dangerous. Why hadn't he done that?

Because Victor had promised to be brave and take responsibility for everything he caused. Because that's who Victor was, and Jäger couldn't stand the thought of losing him – or worse, causing him to lose hope. Besides, Jäger had thought that Victor would do fine on his own after all.

All that changed after Jäger left, when Victor realized what would become of his dreams and of the chance of fulfilling them.

And now, Victor couldn't help it any longer. He couldn't hold back the tears that rolled down his cheeks uncontrollably.

"Why? Why did this have to happen to us?", he cried as he wrapped his arms tightly around Jäger's waist, pressing his face against his side, "why did we lose him? Why did you lose him?"

Jäger placed his arm loosely over Victor's shoulders and squeezed him affectionately, running his thumb softly over Victor's shoulder as he murmured words of consolation to him.

"We won't lose him", he whispered.

"That's not true," Victor sobbed, clinging tightly to Jäger, "we already lost him. And now I'm just going to ruin our future together as well. We'll probably end up having a baby someday."

"What?" Jäger asked in surprise.

Victor lifted his head and looked at him apologetically.

"It's okay", he reassured him, "don't worry about it."

"You don't want kids", Jäger mumbled softly.

Victor hesitated slightly before he finally shook his head.

"No. Not really, but… maybe someday. Someday, I'll find someone special. Someone I can trust and rely on. I think she'll make a wonderful wife, even if we won't have any children of our own. You know how much I've always wanted a daughter, though…" He trailed off for a moment before he suddenly smiled brightly and glanced quickly over at Jäger, "maybe we'll adopt!"

He laughed nervously as soon as he said that.

"Oh