How to Meet the People YOU Want to Meet

Politicians don't wait for others to approach them. If the party host

or their campaign manager has not supplied a "must meet" list,

they choose their targets while Rubbernecking the Room. As their

keen eyes scan the crowd, they're asking themselves "Who would

I most enjoy talking to? Who looks like they could be most beneficial to my life? Who could I learn most from in this gang?"

How do they choose? They look at everyone the same way my

friend, Bob, the caricature artist, looks at people. You can tell a

whole lot more than you realize if you keep your gaze fixed on

someone. Every twinkle in someone's eye and every line surrounding it tells a story—the story of the life he or she leads. Who

was it who said, "At age thirty, everyone has the face he deserves"?

Yet few of us consciously look into strangers' eyes. How foolish

that, at a party or convention for making contacts, most people

are embarrassed to make eye contact with people we don't know.

In my networking seminar, I prime participants to make

intense visual contact by asking them to form a big circle, walk

around the room, and silently stare at each other. "Gaze into each

other's eyes," I tell them. "Examine each other's movements."

As they are walking, I say, "The most important business contact, the dearest friend, or the love of your life is probably not in

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How to Meet the

People YOU Want

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this room. Nevertheless, sometime soon, you will be in a room

where you will spot someone you sense could change your life. I

want you to be prepared. I want you to have the courage to make

the approach and not wait in vain for that special someone to

approach you." While strolling and staring, I ask them to silently

choose the four people they most want to talk to during the break.

"Only the Beautiful People Will

Be Chosen"

When given this unfamiliar and uncomfortable assignment, the

participants assume everyone will make a beeline for the most

attractive people. It never happens. Something mystical occurs

when people take the time to really look at each other. Everyone

discovers a distinctive beauty in one or two other people that is

very personal, very special, and speaks uniquely to the seeker.

The dearest friend in my life was a homely little fellow named

Chip. He was only 5 feet 2 inches tall. Chip had a huge nose and

funny little eyes peeping out through thick glasses. At a party,

without using this technique, I probably would never have noticed

Chip. However, my concentration was on him the day we met

because he was giving a speech. When I gazed intently into his

eyes and watched his lips moving, I saw such subjective beauty

coming from his face. He became my best friend for twelve years

until a tragic disease took his life. Nevertheless, Chip remained

beautiful to me until the end because, no matter how twisted his

body became with illness, the beauty shone through his spirit.

As the seminar participants explore each other's faces and

movements, they discover the subjective beauty in their faces, in

their spirits. No one can explain why one person chooses another

as one of his or her special four. Yet practically everyone returns

from the break having made a new good friend. Never is anyone

left unchosen.

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When you seek people's special qualities by exploring their

faces, you will find them. If you want to walk out of any gathering with your life enhanced, spend time with people you choose,

not just those who choose you. Be choosey in who you pick. But

don't wait to be the choosee.

"Sure, in a Seminar, It's Easy, but

What About Real Life?"

Sometimes, after the break, a participant will say, "It was simple

to go up to people I wanted to talk to this time because you gave

it as an assignment. But what about at a real party?" Recently, one

of my participants named Todd asked me this question in front of

the group.

I asked, "Todd, how did you make the approach this time?"

"Well, I just went up and said, 'Hi, I'm Todd. I wanted to talk

to you.' "

"Well?" I asked.

276 How to Talk to Anyone

Technique #73

Be the Chooser, Not the Choosee

The lifelong friend, the love of your life, or the business

contact who will transform your future may not be at

the party. However, someday, somewhere, he or she will

be. Make every party a rehearsal for the big event.

Do not stand around waiting for the moment when

that special person approaches you. You make it happen

by exploring every face in the room. No more "ships

passing in the night." Capture whatever or whomever

you want in your life.

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It dawned on him that he could use this opening phrase to

meet anyone at any party. To smooth a potentially awkward

moment, you quickly follow up with an innocuous question like

"How do you know the hostess?" or "Do you live in the area?"

Now, you're off and running just as though the host had introduced you.

Of course, other choosey people will be prowling around the

party. Some of them, after scrutinizing you, will decide you are

one of the special people they choose to talk to. The following is

a subliminal maneuver to make it easy for them come over to confirm they made a wise choice.