How to Find Out What They Do (Without Even Asking!)

To size each other up, the first question little cats flat-pawedly ask

each other is, "And what do you do? Hmm?" Then they crouch

there, quivering their whiskers and twitching their noses, with an

obvious "I'm going to pronounce silent judgment on you after you

answer" look on their pusses.

Big cats never ask outright, "What do you do?" (Oh they find

out, all right, in a much more subtle manner.) By not asking the

question, the big boys and big girls come across as more principled, even spiritual. "After all," their silence says, "a man or woman

is far more than his or her job."

Resisting the tempting question also shows their sensitivity.

With so much downsizing, rightsizing, and capsizing of corporations these days, the blunt interrogation evokes uneasiness. The

job question is not just unpleasant for those who are "between

engagements." I have several gainfully employed friends who hate

being asked, "And what do you do?" (One of these folks cuts

cadavers for autopsies, the other is an IRS collection agent.)

Additionally, millions of talented and accomplished women

have chosen to devote themselves to motherhood. When the cruel

corporate question is thrust at them, they feel guilty. The rude

interrogation belittles their commitment to their families. No mat95

How to Find Out What

They Do (Without

Even Asking!)

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ter how the women answer, they fear the asker is only going to

hear a humble "I'm just a housewife."

Big boys and big girls should avoid asking, "What do you do?"

for another reason: their abstinence from the question leads listeners to believe that they are in the habit of soaring with a highflying crowd. Recently I attended a posh party on Easy Street. (I

suspect they invited me as their token working-class person.) I

noticed no one was asking anyone what they did—because these

swells didn't do anything. Oh, some might have a ticker tape on

the bed table of their mansion to track investments. But they definitely did not work for a living.

The final benefit to not asking, "What do you do?" is it throws

people off guard. It convinces them you are enjoying their company for who they are, not for any crass networking reason.

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