How to Come Across as 100 Percent Credible to Everyone

My friend Helen is a highly respected headhunter. She makes terrific hires for her clients and I once asked her the secret of her success. Helen replied, "Probably because I can almost always tell

when an applicant is lying."

"How can you tell?"

She said, "Well, just last week, I was interviewing a young

woman for a position as marketing director for a small firm.

Throughout the interview, the applicant had been sitting with her

left leg crossed over her right. Her hands were comfortably resting in her lap and she was looking directly at me.

"I asked her salary. Without swerving her eyes from mine, she

told me. I asked if she enjoyed her work. Still looking directly at

me, she said, 'yes.' Then I asked her why she left her previous job.

"At that point, her eyes fleetingly darted away before regaining eye contact with me." Helen continued. "Then, while answering my question, she shifted in her seat and crossed her right leg

over her left. At one point, she put her hands up to her mouth."

Helen said, "That's all I needed. With her words she was

telling me she felt her 'growth opportunities were limited at her

previous firm.' But her body told me she was not being entirely

forthright."

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How to Come Across

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Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.

32 How to Talk to Anyone

Helen went on to explain the young woman's fidgeting alone

wouldn't prove she was lying. Nevertheless, it was enough, she said,

that she wanted to pursue the subject further.

"So I tested it." Helen explained. "I changed the subject and

went back to more neutral territory. I asked her about her goals

for the future. Again, the girl stopped fidgeting. She folded her

hands in her lap as she told me how she'd always wanted to work

in a small company in order to have hands-on experience with

more than one project.

"Then I repeated my earlier question. I asked again if it was

only the lack of growth opportunity that made her leave her previous position. Sure enough, once again, the woman shifted in her

seat and momentarily broke eye contact. As she continued talking

about her last job, she started rubbing her forearm."

Helen continued to probe until she finally uncovered the

truth. The applicant had been fired because of a nasty disagreement with the marketing director for whom she worked.

Human resources professionals who interview applicants and

police officers who interrogate suspected criminals are trained to

detect lies. They know specifically what signals to look for. The

rest of us, although not knowledgeable about specific clues to

deceit, have a sixth sense when someone is not telling us the truth.

Just recently a colleague of mine was considering hiring an inhouse booking agent. After interviewing one fellow she said to me,

"I don't know. I don't really think he has the success he claims."

"You think he's lying to you?" I asked.

"Absolutely. And the funny thing is I can't tell why. He looked

right at me. He answered all my questions directly. There was just

something that didn't seem right."

Employers often feel this way. They have a gut feeling about

someone but they can't put their finger on it. Because of that,

many large companies turn to the polygraph, or lie detector, a

mechanical apparatus designed to detect if someone is lying.

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Banks, drugstores, and grocery stores rely heavily on it for preemployment screening. The FBI, Justice Department, and most

police departments have used the polygraph on suspects. Interestingly, the polygraph is not a lie detector at all! All the machine can

do is detect fluctuations in our autonomic nervous system—

changes in breathing patterns, sweating, flushing, heart rate, blood

pressure, and other signs of emotional arousal.

So is it accurate? Well, yes, often it is. Why? Because when

the average person tells a lie, he or she is emotionally aroused and

bodily changes do take place. When that happens, the individual

might fidget. Experienced or trained liars, however, can fool the

polygraph.

Beware of the Appearance of Lying—

Even When You're Telling the Truth

Problems arise for us when we are not lying but are feeling emotional or intimidated by the person with whom we are talking. A

young man telling an attractive woman about his business success

might shift his weight. A woman talking about her company's

track record to an important client could rub her neck.

More problems arise out of the atmosphere. A businessman

who doesn't feel nervous at all could loosen his collar because the

room is hot. A politician giving a speech outdoors could blink

excessively because the air is dusty. Even though erroneous, these

fidgety movements give the listeners the sense something just isn't

right or a gut feeling that the speaker is lying.

Professional communicators, alert to this hazard, consciously

squelch any signs anyone could mistake for shiftiness. They fix a

constant gaze on the listener. They never put their hands on their

faces. They don't massage their arm when it tingles or rub their

nose when it itches. They don't loosen their collar when it's hot or

blink because it's sandy. They don't wipe away tiny perspiration

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beads in public or shield their eyes from the sun. They suffer

because they know fidgeting undermines credibility. Consider the

infamous September 25, 1960, televised presidential debate

between Richard Milhous Nixon and John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

Political pundits speculate Nixon's lack of makeup, his fidgeting,

and mopping his brow on camera lost him the election.

If you want to come across as an entirely credible Somebody,

try to squelch all extraneous movement when your communication counts. I call the technique "Limit the Fidget."