A Conversation With God

"Fuck."

I looked around the room I awoke in and already, I understood my situation. I had a feeling this would happen someday.

What did that genius scientist say? In a world of infinity, nothing won't ever happen and everything is bound to happen.

But how is it my fault? If you're a god, then surely you're capable of writing a novel that isn't so boring and generic that I was questioning whether or not I've read it a hundred times before.

"Fuck," I repeated as I sat up, stretching my body that was chiseled like a Greek hero. At least this shitty god understood the concept of making the characters extremely good-looking and fit in order to get them to stand out from the rest of the background characters that won't ever get a single minute of screen time.

As I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt like cursing a third time but held myself back.

"I should've known it would be him. Of course. Of course," I sighed as I touched my face.

It was a good — no, a great-looking face but it wasn't one that I wanted to have. As I looked at the calendar on the phone, I felt like crying.

"That means... it has already been a month," I said out loud. A month since what? Since this person whose body I've now been inserted into sexually harassed one of the female protagonists.

"What to do... what to do." I looked up at the ceiling, or rather at the sky that existed past it, and asked, "Shitty god, what do you want from me? I know you brought me into this world of yours and in this body as a punishment. But what exactly do you want from me?"

An answer never came. I shook my head before getting dressed.

Once again though, I said out loud, "At least I'm good-looking. Maybe if I transfer to another city and restart my life there, I won't have to deal with the shitty story in the novel."

"No!" a voice blasted into my ear.

Finally. "What do you mean 'no'?"

"You must attend the academy," the shitty god responded.

"Or what? You're going to kill me? It's not my body. I don't care if I die. If anything, now that I know that gods are real, perhaps the afterlife might be a fun thing to experience," I began wondering.

"If you don't attend the academy, I'll... I'll put your soul in the body of this prisoner who was arrested for having intercourse with animals."

I looked up at the ceiling once again and shot a middle finger up into the air.

"Fuck you," I grunted.

Silence.

Then as I was about to leave the bedroom, the shitty god spoke once again, "Oh that's right. Before I forget—"

'Gods can forget?'

"—here's all of Bell's memories."

As if I just had my third eye open, a second mind awakened, etc., the memories of Bell rushed into my brain like a head-splitting migraine.

"That hurts... you shitty god," I said, getting up slowly from my knees.

I now understood everything about Bell, including his life story, his personality, his internal thoughts, his motivations, everything.

As I looked at the mirror once again, I shook my head.

What did I expect? Perhaps Bell was this horrible human being because he had a tragic past. Perhaps he was abandoned by his family. Lived in poverty all his life. Never experienced love before.

But no. As expected by a shitty writer, his backstory was perfectly fine. If anything, it was a lovely life full of joy. Bell was just a shitty human being because the plot of a generic novel demanded him to be.

"Again, you shitty god, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to suffer in place of the real Bell? Do you want me to... improve your story myself by becoming a better villain?" I genuinely asked, wondering why I was brought into this world.

I knew that it was punishment, so surely it wasn't something that I was going to enjoy.

"You said that Bell's backstory makes no sense for him to become a villain, correct?"

"That's right," I responded.

"Then... fix it."

"What do you mean 'fix it'?"

"In your opinion, what path do you think Bell would've followed if he was a real person?"

I thought about it for a second. Considering the life lessons his parents taught him, the plentiful love he received from his siblings, his financial circumstances, and his group of childhood friends, I finally had an answer.

"Well, if anything, don't you think that Bell should've been a good guy in your novel? If not the main protagonist then at least one of the side protagonists?" I asked the shitty god.

"Is that your honest opinion?"

"I mean... yes. Look at this person's life before he entered the academy. He was the definition of a respectful person who listened to his parents' teachings. Why would he suddenly have a drastic shift into a shitty side character just because one of the girls in your story bumped into his shoulder by accident?" I asked, venting my feelings about the terrible story I had read.

"If that is how you view Bell, then fix his story for him."

"What?"

What was this god asking me to do?

"Make him the main protagonist as you claim he should've been," the shitty god clarified.

I looked up at the ceiling, gave it two middle fingers, then jumped onto my bed.

I responded, "That sounds like too much work especially considering how shitty the novel is. Why would I bother putting this much effort into someone else's story?"

"Sounds like you don't care about being put in that prisoner's body?"

"That sounds a million times better than redeeming this character you've ruined," I responded. Worst comes to worst, I'd just kill myself as that prisoner so that I can head off to the afterlife.

"If you don't redeem Bell, then I'll trap your soul into an infinite loop where you'll have to read my novel over and over."

"No!" I screamed, jumping out of the bed. "No! Anything but that!"

"Then just do as I say and fix this character you've possessed. You've read the entire story. Insulted every paragraph I've written. Surely, it shouldn't be that hard considering you know more about the story than I do."

Pacing around the room, I looked up at the ceiling and sighed, "Fine. I'll do it. I'll redeem this shitty character you've poorly written. What do I get in return?"

"You're asking about that when you're being punished by me?" asked the shitty god.

"I mean, sure I can do what you've asked of me but as a god, you must know how human nature works. If there's a reward at the end of the race, they work a thousand times harder," I explained.

The shitty god must've thought about it for a while because there was radio silence for about a minute.

"Fine. What do you want as a reward?" the shitty god asked me.

"I want you to bring me back into my original world with no evidence that your novel never existed. I feel like your story was holding back humanity from advancing because of how terrible it was."

"Fuck you."

I laughed, finally getting the god to curse back.

"Deal?" I asked him or her; I think it's a "him" because of the voice but who knows? They're a god so they're probably genderless or all gender. Who gives a shit?

"Deal," said the shitty god. "You must become the main protagonist which means you must defeat the demon king and his council of 13 great demons."

I smirked and replied, "Piece of cake."

"We'll see," said the shitty god.

"Are you going to observe me the entire time?" I asked.

"No. Gods are far too busy to be focused on a singular human being for too long. I'll just check up on you once in a while."

'So he's not omnipresent.'

After waiting a while, the silence in the room continued. He must've "left the room".

Now that he was gone, I used the memory of Bell inserting his passcode onto his phone to open it. I checked the local news and just as I expected, the news of me, or rather the original Bell, harassing a classmate was still being talked about.

According to my memory of the novel, Bell had another month before he was allowed to return to the academy.

Which was a blessing to me who now had plenty of time to prepare for this trash character's redemption arc.

How do you redeem a trashy side villain like Bell? Simple. Gaslight everyone to believe that his actions were a misunderstanding.

First things first, I needed to acquire a few codes.

What are codes you may ask? They are a few sentences that are engraved in special places around the world.

If you make these codes your own, the engravement transfers onto your body and you're granted a special ability that doesn't require mana which is the source of power in this world.

Instead, the special abilities granted by codes are activated through a process known as fulfilling an oath.

It's where you make an oath, and every time you fulfill that oath, depending on how difficult it is, the number of times you can activate the abilities increases.

Walking downstairs, I was greeted by a loving mother who despite all the evidence that was against her son, she believed that he was innocent and that he was being framed.

'Don't worry Mother, I'll gaslight everyone to make your naive trust in your son become reality.'

"Do you want breakfast?" she asked.

"I'm fine Mother," I responded.

"Are you going to head off somewhere?"

"Yes. I have something I need to do as soon as possible."

Worried for her son's safety, she told me, "Take Jerman with you. I know you don't like having a bodyguard but I don't want someone to harm you because of the frame job they did on you."

"Thank you, Mother," I told her. "For trusting in me."

With a smile on her face that looked like it was ready to burst into tears at any moment, she responded, "I'll always trust in you, my baby boy. No matter what anyone says, I know that my son would never do such a thing."

'Sadly, you're wrong.'

"Thank you, Mother. One day, I'll be sure to clear up my name so that you don't have to be ashamed of me."

"Never! I'll never be ashamed to be your mother. Don't you ever say that again," she told me, hugging me tightly.

I wanted to shake my head and tell the sky, aka the shitty god, "You see how caring his mother is? How could he do such a thing to a woman when his relationship with his mother is as tight as can be?"