Chapter 33: Growing.

Chapter 33: Growing.

I fall off my bed for the second time tonight and I let out a frustrated groan.

Can't I sleep in peace?

I look at the clock on the wall, it's 6:43 am. I'm over this.

I put on my Nike windbreaker and a pair of leggings. I grab my iPod and headphones and I walk out of my room. I'm going for an early morning jog. I get downstairs and I try to open the door as discreetly as possible, but I fail at that. The door makes a huge screech sound and I roll my eyes.

"Miss, are you going somewhere?" Jeremy says behind me.

"Yes. I'm just going for an early morning jog." I tell him before I head out.

I run until I see the huge black gates that secure Zachary's house. I know, I know. He's toxic but I need him right now. I press the buzzer by the gate and I wait for a response.

"Henderson Residence, who is there please?" Osvaldo asks me.

"It's Valarie." I say into the speaker.

"I'll open the gates." He tells me.

Seconds later, I am walking through the gate heading straight for the house. I am about to knock on the door when Zachary opens it.

"Jesus, Valarie, it's 7:00 am." Zachary says, yawning.

"Hey." I say, folding my headphones in my hands.

"Did you run here?" He asks, staring at my trainers.

"Yes." I tell him, smiling innocently.

"Come in." He says as he rubs his eyes.

"You look cute when you're half asleep." I comment as I enter the house.

He doesn't reply. He just starts going up the stairs.

"Wait for me, asshole." I whisper, not wanting to wake the whole house up.

I walk into Zachary's room and I see Drew playing with a toy in his crib and I stare at Zachary.

"He's the reason I'm still awake." Zachary groans.

"Aww, you're such a good dad." I tell him as I touch Drew's little legs.

"He's not my son though." He points out.

"Still." I say, rolling my eyes.

Drew starts crying and Zachary groans.

"Just go to sleep." He complains.

"I got it." I tell him as I grab Drew and I bounce him in my arms. "Get some rest." I tell him.

"Thank you." Zachary says, smiling at me. He lays on his bed and turns to the other side, his back to me. A few minutes later, Zachary is snoring.

"Okay big guy, let's go make you a bottle." I tell Drew with a baby voice.

I head to the kitchen and I'm surprised to see Maddison. Well, not surprised because she lives here, but because it's so early.

"Valarie." She says, smiling as she cuts a watermelon.

"Hey." I say as I stand there awkwardly with Drew in my arms. He starts crying again.

"Um...I actually wanted to make some food for Drew." I tell her.

"Formula is in the cabinet. Top right." Maddison says before she leaves the kitchen.

I grab the tin of formula and I see Drew's bottle by the spoon rack and I grab it as I pour some hot water into the cup, I put the powder in it and I stir till it's thick. I think that's how it's supposed to look like. I don't know, I've never done this before. I put the lid back on and I put the pacifier part of the bottle in Drew's mouth. He sucks on it gently and I smile. He's so cute.

"Here you are playing godmother." A voice says and I look up.

It's Mrs. Henderson.

I feel uncomfortable immediately.

"I'm sorry if I um-" She cuts me off with her hand in my face.

"This." She says, pointing at me feeding Drew. "Is not going to make him want you more." She tells me.

"I'm just doing the right thing." I tell her.

"He'll leave you this time. I promise you." She says, folding her arms.

"You don't scare me. You're intimidated by me." I tell her and she laughs.

"Don't kid yourself." She says with a smile on her face.

"Why else would you be giving me a tough time? It's because you know that I have a piece of Zachary that you will never have." I say, smiling at her.

"And what piece is that, if I may ask?" She says, staring at me.

"His heart." I tell her before I walk out of the kitchen.

God, that felt good.

I walk back to Zachary's room and I see him sitting on his bed.

"You're supposed to be asleep." I tell him as I place Drew in his crib.

"I couldn't sleep." He tells me and I join him on the bed, taking a seat beside him.

"Then, you should at least take a shower and brush your teeth because that breath." I say, covering my nose.

"Oh, you love it." He says, rolling his eyes at me.

My phone rings and I grab it to see who is calling. It's my mother.

"Hello, Mother." I say as I answer the phone.

"Where in God's name are you?" She yells.

"I...um...I'm at Hannah's." I tell her.

"Don't you lie to me, I already called her." She tells me and I start sweating.

"Well, I was going to go to Hannah's but then I went to have breakfast at House of Cubes." I lie.

"I already called Mason, he said he hasn't seen you at the restaurant today." She tells me.

Damn you, Mason!

"Where are you, Valarie?" She asks again.

"I'm at the park." I tell her.

"And what are you doing there exactly?" She asks me.

"I went out for an early morning jog. You can ask Jeremy, he saw me." I tell her.

"Now, was that so hard?" She says, chuckling.

Yes.

"You need to get to the house as soon as possible." She tells me.

"Why?" I ask her.

"Your Harvard Interviewer is here. She's been here for half an hour now." She tells me and my mouth hangs open.

"Mum, why didn't you tell me right away? And you never said anything about a Harvard Interviewer." I snap.

"Watch your tone young lady. And she just showed up. Get your ass here right now." She tells me before she hangs up.

I let out a sigh of frustration.

"Well, that was intense." Zachary says, smiling.

"I gotta go." I tell him.

I get up from the bed and I give him a hug. I try to pull away but Zachary wouldn't budge.

"I gotta go, Zach." I tell him.

"Not yet." He says, tightening his grip on my body.

"Come on." I tell him, patting his back.

He finally pulls away and I smile at him before I walk out of his room.

***

I walk through my front door and my mother yanks my arm, pulling me to the side.

"Took you long enough. And I know you went to see that boy." She tells me.

Busted.

"How did you know?" I ask her.

"Marcy called." She tells me and I nod.

It all makes sense now.

"Well, your interviewer is a woman. Her name is Mrs. Smith. She is in the living room, don't mess this up." My mother says as she literally drags me by my arm, to the living room.

I sit down on the chair opposite Mrs. Smith's and we exchange pleasantries before she carries on with the interview.

"What do you do when you're not in school?" Mrs. Smith asks me.

"I go out with my friends, Adam and Hannah or I stay at home reading some Shakespeare or watching movies." I answer honestly.

"So, no after-school volunteering?" She asks me.

"She sometimes volunteers at the animal shelter." My mother tells her.

No, I don't.

"Mrs. Stone, I'm here for Valarie so if you could just excuse us." Mrs. Smith says with a smile.

My mother gives her a nasty stare and walks away.

"Now, why do you want to go to Harvard?" She asks me.

"I mean, there are a thousand other colleges for you to apply to. What made Harvard special?" She adds.

I really don't know.

I mean, it'll look good on my resume but that's all. I don't know anybody there and I'm going to be all alone.

"Take risks, live a little. You deserve this fresh start, Vee." Adam's voice plays in my head.

"I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't wanna go. As much as I want to kid myself that I do, I just don't. Harvard is a great school, I mean, it's Ivy League, but I don't think I'll fit in." I tell her.

"If the problem is about fitting in you need to realize that you don't have to fit in. Harvard is a really great school to boost your natural, God-given talents and really make something out of it." She tells me.

"Look, my job isn't to coerce you to come to Harvard or bamboozle you with a shit ton of questions, excuse my language. My job is to make sure that you are on the right track. As a student, as a woman, and as a human being." She says, crossing her legs.

"What are your opinions on living for someone else?" I ask her

Jesus Christ, Val. She's not your fucking therapist. Put a cap on it.

But she's the only adult I've had to talk to in a while.

"Living for someone else? I don't really know about that." She says, staring at me in confusion.

"Do you think it's possible that somehow one can live their life in order to please someone else, even in the decision of picking the school that they want to go to." I ask her.

"One hundred percent. Recently, we've been facing this problem of students who want to do certain things that their peers or friends are doing them, so they can fit in or be like the other person. When in reality, it's better if you just be yourself and do what you want to do." She tells me before she looks at her watch.

"I have time for one more question." She says, jotting down something on her notepad.

"There's no need for that I know where I'm going." I tell her and she just stares at me.

"What do you mean?" She asks me.

"Thank you for your time, Mrs. Smith but I'll have to miss out on the preppy halls of Harvard because I will be starting college at Bradford this fall." I tell her.

"Are you sure about that? I mean, if you give this spot away...it's gone." She informs me.

"Give it to someone deserving." I tell her.

"It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Smith." I tell her as I walk across the room to give her a hug.

"I wish you luck, Valarie. Make good choices." And with that she leaves the room.

I let out a tired sigh before I plop my body on the sofa.

***

"You did what?" My mother yells.

"I gave my spot up. I don't want it, mother." I tell her as I grab a Snapple from the fridge.

"This was never about what you wanted, it was about what-" I cut her off.

"You wanted." I completed.

"I'm done living for you, mum. Do you realize that you are ruining my life?" I ask her.

"You're the one ruining it. I'm trying to secure your future." She tells me as she cups my face in her hands.

"By pretending to be me and applying for colleges or by arranging dates and pick-me-ups for me. I am growing, mother. I am changing and I am becoming my own human being and it-" I say but I am cut off.

"Terrifies me." She says, looking down.

"What?" I say, confused.

"I've been this nosy and pushy because I know that you are growing up and soon my opinion isn't going to matter as much to you anymore. You'll have a mind of your own and do things as you wish. I just want you to do it right." She says as she starts tearing up.

"Aww, Mum." I say, hugging her.

"I'll always be here and your opinion will always matter. The problem is you don't just have an opinion, you try to make me do your bidding. Even when it's wrong, even when I don't want to." I say, as I open up my drink and bring the bottle to my mouth. I drink the purple liquid. This flavor is so good.

"But you won't be here forever. In a few weeks, you'll be packing your bags. You'll be taking your whole life away from this house in boxes and you will leave me here. Alone." She says, crying hysterically now.

"Mum, I don't know what you want me to say. That's what children do, they grow out of the nest and they leave." I tell her.

"And your father and I tried, we really did. We tried to have another child. I really wanted it so bad because I didn't want you to be lonely. Then along the line, I realized that I wanted to have another child so that I wouldn't be lonely when you eventually left." She reveals.

I take a deep breath.

"Mum, I know it's really hard for you to let go but sometimes letting go frees you from the pain and the hurt of holding on to something that's clearly never coming back. You need to let me grow." I tell her.

"Yeah, you're probably right." She says wiping her now red nose.

"You should find a hobby or make some new friends." I tell her.

"I'm forty-three years old, I don't need new friends." She says with sass.

"Okay, okay. Whatever floats your boat, crazy lady." I say in fake surrender.

"Do good." She says, kissing my forehead before she leaves me in the kitchen.

I will mum.

I promise.