Since you are here with me

I stay until Li Jun's funeral is over. I pretend to be the son of the soldier who served him once. There is no one who recognizes me here. Nobody questions my identity.

I am going to take his ashes away with me. He couldn't stay with me when he was alive. He can stay with me after his death. I don't want to be alone. I can't bear to leave him behind again. There is no Wu Qiuyue or the timekeeper. My aunt is dead. Li Jun is also dead. The timekeeper can't threaten me anymore.

In the dead of the night, I enter the building. The dim light of the lamp flicker near the altar. I sit in front of his portrait. The artist couldn't capture his light in portrait.

My Li Jun was not the sun. He was the gentle moonlight that comforted me even on his death bed. We were both selfish. I didn't say goodbye to him when I left him. He didn't say goodbye to me when he left me. The distance between is so far now. I can't die and grab onto his soul. I wish I could die. At least in the afterlife, we could be together.

"You are coming with me," I pick up the urn and hold it to close to my heart. "I left you with your family for long enough. You must stay with me from now on."

When I walk out of the building, I find some waiting for me. He was a toddler when I saw him last time. He is a man in his late 60s now. I notice that his fingers are curled around the cane tightly.

"You are Mo Wei," He tells me with a low voice. "He made your paintings and my mother burned them. You were the reason behind their sorrow."

The words are sharp. My legs tremble. I feel heavy. Too heavy to move. I want to sleep and dream about Li Jun, but I can't even do that. I am not even allowed to sleep.

"My mother went through hell every day. She wanted to be acknowledged by my father atleast once. That never happened. She died, wishing for him to come and see her once." He inhales sharply. "Before she died, she told me that she hated you for leaving him."

I clutch the urn closer to my heart. I don't have anything to say to him. I can only stand here and listen.

"Now that I look at you, I finally understand why you didn't stay with him. My father must have known it. His eyes always searched for you." He stares at me for a long time. "Take him. I am sure that he wouldn't want to stay here either."

I have also wanted to cross paths with him again.

Li Hua turns his back on me and walks away.

I leave with Li Jun. We travel for a long time. I tell him about my life after I left him. I tell him about the things that I have seen and the places I have gone to.

I worked as a servant in some places. When I saved enough money, I moved around. I was stabbed once and my money was also stolen. I made some friends, but I always had to leave them. I watched them grow old from far away. I was nearly sold in the brothel once, but I managed to escape. I had some bad times, but I managed to live through it. I couldn't stay anywhere for a long time.

We leave for K country. I plan to stay with him in the mountains. I want to live with him somewhere nobody bothers us. It will be just him and me. I want a home with him.

"Since you are here with me, I am not afraid."

Suddenly, people are screaming loudly. I hold the urn protectively when I see a large tsunami wave coming toward us. I close my eyes as it swallows us all. I find myself sinking deeper into the sea. If I go to the bottom of the ocean, I won't die. It will be dark, but Li Jun will be there with me. I am sure that I won't be alone.

His ashes spread out of the cracks of the urn. I feel his warm hands holding mine. Li Jun gazes at me with his smiling eyes. He is saying something to me. I can't hear it. He wraps his arms around me. I rest my head on his shoulder and closes my eyes. The waves sway us for a long time. The water doesn't feel cold. Li Jun's body is warm.

I find myself all alone on an island. Li Jun left me again. I sit there, looking at the outstretched sea for a long time. He is probably holding a grudge on me for leaving me once. I have seen his death twice. If it's not a grudge, then what is it?

I lay down on the sand and stare into the horizon. The color of the sky changes every day. The day becomes night. The night becomes the day. The rainy days turn to summers. The brazen summers turn to winter. Then, the spring comes and teases me. The rain arrives again.

I am tired of looking at the moon that changes every day. I don't change at all. Even after Li Jun died, I am here. How many years do I have to wait for my death?

In the original timeline, I accepted death gladly after Li Jun's death. I saw the memory of his death and changed the past. Still, I had to see him die again. This time, even death abandoned me.