The sweet past
Everything is blurry, but I can hear the distant disembodied sounds of the machinery hooked to my mothers bed. the distinct beeping and the silent long breaths my mom takes as I lay by her side. I was very little then. "Mommy?" I hear myself whisper. I sit up to look at my mother as she doesn't seem to move a muscle. Her breath ceases for a second and I hold my breath too. I count the number of breaths she takes as I watch her chest rise and fall....1...2. I exhaled and closed my eyes. Don't worry she's still breathing. I feel a warm finger touch my arm, I slightly jump. "Mommy are you awake?" I whisper again. My mom flutters her eyes open and looks at me while she nods her head. I smile.
"Hello June, was I sleeping long?" she asks me. I shake my head in response. Being little I figured that my mom had always needed to rest so that she could get better. Only then would I wait for her to wake up so that she would start telling me her stories. My mother wasn't old, only in her late 30s, but her condition made her look a lot older. The doctors had no idea what she had, but it started a little after she had me. My mom was the CEO of a cosmetic company, Fresh faces. She never really did go to work, my grandmother had told me that my mother went on special trips to Arizona. "I swear it was her favorite place to go." my grandmother had mentioned to me one time. When I got older I was curious about my mothers whereabouts before I was born. After my mother would tell me her stories I would pry about Arizona. "Finish your story momma." I asked her. My mom sits me up and then sits herself up. I lay my head against her shoulder and I fold my arms. My mom told me of the creatures lurking in the outside realm, living the same way we did. That the outside realm was nearly a replica of our realm. The "mundane" or human realm was what we were in. As my mom explains these creatures, she gives them names, Werewolves, Fae, Witches, Vampires and other entities alike. After my mom finishes her story for the day, Id ask her about the outside.
"Where is the outside realm?" I asked her. My mom explained that Arizona was where its border was. The border that divided our realms. "June, mommy only has so long before she dies. When I do I want you to start your career at the university of Arizona. There will be people like you there ok? I have a journal for you to take when you move." My mom would always remind me, in her sweet caring tone. I reached over and touched my mothers soft hand. I remember that I had scrunched my nose for a second then I nodded. I laugh to myself.
As I pull myself away from that memory I sit up from leaning against my mothers dresser. I set her picture frame back down, and wipe the tears from my eyes. I hadn't even realize that I was crying. How pathetic honestly. I shouldn't be selfish about her death, I'm glad that my mother was able to hold out for this long. I walk outside and lay down in the grass of my backyard, stroking the tall green blades, I think about my future. A future without my mother. I look up at the sky and smile. The clouds were heavy and ready to let out weeks of rain. I let my tears stream from my face, and I continuously wipe my runny nose. I start to feel the heavy raindrops splatter my cheeks as the ocean water mixes in with my salty tears, and lay there for a little longer. The sky was crying with me.
After the funeral ended, before I leave my house for good I run and grab my moms journal that was inside her dresser. I promised her I would open it once I got to Arizona. I had a flight to Tucson in the morning and I had to stay the night with my aunt in salt lake city. It was awkward considering I never really got to know my family members besides my grandparents. Before I step out of my house I stand in the doorway and take a deep breath. I don't know what my mom was planning to do for my future, but ill do everything in my power to live out her dreams and to continue my journey without breaking promises.