Chapter 2:- Reflection

There was a time I lost hope not in the sense that nothing will change, but I lost hope in myself. When I went through that depressing phase of my life, instead of fighting my insecurities, finding a way out of them, or fighting with them I used distractions. To not feel pain, I chose distractions and used to sleep the whole day.

Sometimes in life due to emotional manipulation, we are forced to walk on a path of depression. Which leads to panic attacks and anxiety. And losing true reflection of ourselves.

We don't realize it's not the circumstances or problems that need to be cured first but it's we who need to change the way we think. 

Consider yourself entering a storeroom, which has a lot of untouched books and boxes. The shelves of the storeroom are covered with dust and cobwebs. Disordered and messy. Now look in the mirror,

"What you see?"

You are seeing someone whose reflection is not clear to himself. Someone who has an untouched and unexplored identity. Blurred reflection. You will realize that you have been living in this messy place for years.

Now pick a piece of clean cloth and try to remove the dust, from the mirror first. At first, dust will irritate your eyes and enter your throat. It would be a painful procedure. Now try cleaning dust and cobwebs with water instead of cloth. Splashing water all over the place. It might clean some cobwebs but that dust will become wet clay sitting on books.

The place might get cleaned but knowledge will be destroyed. The first technique is painful and slow but it may have some promising results, it may help you preserve and make good of knowledge. You will be able to see your reflection.

Don't think by reading this book or by listening to any motivational videos, all your life problems would be gone. It doesn't work like that Life is all about hardships and suffering. You need to go for solutions. As you might have heard from elders, an iron rod is burned in a furnace and then forged into a sword by continuous strikes of a hammer by a blacksmith. Life is shaping you into a polished personality with each strike of problems.

The dust and cobwebs are distractions. Covering our personalities. Every religion and every spiritual Guru will first ask you to remove distractions. To clean the impure mirror of your mind you need to avoid distraction. You need to remove distractions. Every spiritual school will ask you to give up worldly life or any distraction you might have like scrolling down Instagram and listening to music. I won't ask you to give up something but one thing that I might ask you is to pick a paper and pen and write down things you prioritize. Set some values. Filter the external voices with these values.

Values are not stuff you set up consciously, actually, values are made by our subconscious mind, what our families think, What they want or what our educational system teaches us. It mainly depends on our origin, where we were born. In a teenager, one might become rebellious and make/her way, setting their values. But one ends up setting a goal that might please higher authorities. Now, we will run in a race, not for ourselves but in revenge to prove them wrong. Values are a kind of ethical GPS we use to navigate through life. If you know your values they will guide you, and provide you with directions toward those habits that are good for you.

Amelia enters and crosses the front door of her house, from where she can hear indistinct voices yelling at one another.

Man " Why do you always blame me for every wrongdoing?"

Woman " When you have nothing to feed your children then who's a mistake is that?"

"You sold every household stuff in gambling"

"You are one who didn't let my kids go to school, just to satisfy yourself"

Woman - Amelia's mom, her voice becomes soft and smooth tears roll down her eyes. She wants to shout out of her misery.

Amelia sneaks through the door, to get a glimpse of what is happening. Her father left the house through the backdoor leaving her mom crying. Amelia's mom with her trembling hands holds the couch arm and sits down on the couch.

"How did your Lecture with Father William go?"

Amelia's mom says to her without even looking at her.

"Church is closed today, arrangements for Christmas Eve are being done."

"No class today"

Amelia replies impassively.

Amelia keeps staring at the roof of her room in Four Season hotel while remembering her childhood memories. External voices keep murmuring.

Her phone rings, and she picks up the phone. Margaret's number flashes on the screen. It is the 20th time she calling Amelia for the big annual dinner of their company. Amelia locks the screen and places the phone on her bedside table again.

She completely wants to get devote herself to these memories she is remembering. It can be hurting but they were always her people, who cared about her. She changed her values and her life goals which didmatchched her parent's thinking. It's been 7 years since she left her house.

"Happy Birthday to you," Amelia's Father says to her while bringing Cake.

Flashes of memories again begin to dance in front of her eyes.

Everyone seems happy. All dressed up for this big family dinner. Which Amelia's mom has arranged for her birthday. It's Amelia's 12th birthday party, all her friends are invited including Margaret. Everyone seems to be enjoying watching children playing musical chairs.

The sound of laughter and claps has taken over the house.

Amelia takes a deep breath and tries to sleep. She wants those murmurs to shut up, she doesn't want to feel weak. She can't do anything about it, setting some goals, knowing your own values, and then choosing a path for urself is not easy.