Chapter 19

ALESSIA

I feel like my whole world is crashing down. Jaxson just left so I climbed into bed, balled up in a fetal position. I can't stop crying. My chest hurts so bad. Why did I do this to myself. Why did I allow myself to get messed up with him knowing damn well it was going to end badly. I knew better but what I can't understand is why I feel this way after only knowing him for this short amount of time.

I don't understand why I would go against my own rule. I've been tempted before by other guys and I shot them down every time. Why is it when Jaxson kissed me, it's like I forgot everything. Why did it feel so right to go further when it was so wrong?

I can hear Jessica and Jaxson yelling at each other. I'm sure she heard me and now they are fighting. Now I have to deal with her and the fact that I kept this from her. We just talked about not keeping secrets and I turn around and do just that.

Maybe staying here isn't a good idea. I should find somewhere else to go. I can't go back to New York because of Jonathan's parents. Where would I go? I have enough money to go anywhere I want but I don't have a clue. I've never thought about leaving New York until Jessica asked me to go with her. Being completely alone scares me.  The thought of taking Alena away from Jessica hurts because they love each other. They've never been apart. Jess is like a mother to her.

Maybe I can figure something else out. Ugh. I have to spend as much time away from here as I can. I could get a job. There is always Micah. He would be a great distraction but I don't want to go from one to another and get hurt again. He is an alpha. What about his mate? Would I fall for him and just get left when he finds her?

I took out my phone and pulled up Micah's contact.

A- Hey, this is Alessia. Are you still up?

M- Hello beautiful, yes I am. What are you still doing up?

A- I want to ask you something, can I call you?

M- Sure

I hit the phone button and it started ringing. He answered it right away. "Hey, what is on your mind in the middle of the night or is it that you just want to hear my sexy voice." He said. I giggled.  "Well it is nice to hear your voice, it's definitely a nice distraction. I've had a lot going on. But on a serious note, I do really need to ask you something. What is it that you want from me?" I asked. "What do you mean?" He asked. "I mean, you act like your interested in me but I'm human and your an alpha. Our relationship could never go anywhere because I'm not your Luna. What happens when you find your mate?" I said. I can hear him take a deep breath. "Alessia I am interested in you and I don't care if your human. Not only are you beautiful, you are smart and I can tell you are a good person with a huge heart. Your an amazing mother. I've already found my mate. I met her 2 years ago but she was in a relationship with someone else. They loved each other and she chose him." He said. I can hear the pain in his voice. "I don't understand, what everyone told me, they said the mate bond is so strong that  that you can't deny it. How could she fight that and want to choose someone else that isn't her mate?" I asked. I was so confused. "Every werewolves does feel the bond, the pull is very powerful right away and only gets stronger when you spend time together but every once in a while you get someone who knows they are going to reject their mate before even meeting them.  The moment you see your mate, you pull away. You fight your wolf. Sometimes it hurts the wolf so much they leave them, either it be temporary or permanent. Even if their wolf doesn't leave, it draws a wedge between man and wolf. They don't connect on the same level as they once did." He explained.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that." I said. "Well I wasn't the one who rejected my mate, she rejected me so my wolf was never angry at me. He did go silent for a while since he was heartbroken but he's back now and we are ok. I don't care if your human, I still want to get to know you. I'm not playing any games. " He said.  Hearing him say that made the pain in my chest feel a little better. "Things are just complicated in my life, I also have to think about my daughter and what is best for her. But if I was to get to know you better, how about we start at being friends and see where it goes from there. Regardless of how much I enjoyed tonight's kiss, that's going a little too fast for me." I said. "Ok. I can do that but can I ask you something?" He said. "Yeah sure." I replied. "Is there anything going on between you and Jaxson? I know he is with Becca but I couldn't help but feel something strong between the both of you the other night at the club." He asked. Damn why did he have to ask that? I want to lie to him and say no but if we do end up being something, I don't want it to start off with lies. "There was something but not anymore." I said. "Did you have sex with him Alessia? I need to know what I'm getting myself into. Things are already tense between us and I need to know what to expect if we move forward." He said. "Yes, a few times but he's with Becca. They are having a baby. It's over between us." I said. "Does he know it's over?" "Yes, I told him tonight. He smelt you on me tonight when I got home. He got mad but I told him that it was none of his business."

We talked for a little while longer but we got off the phone because he had to finish some work. I laid there. I was exhausted but i couldn't sleep.

I went downstairs to get some water. I reached in the fridge to grab a bottle and when I turned around, Becca was standing there glaring at me with her arms crossed over her chest. I rolled my eyes. Oh god, not now. Please go away.