Desperation

*ELENOR*

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As soon I dress into something decent, I headed to the restaurant without wasting any more time. Rushing down to the parking lot, I exited my car, when the chilly wind sweeps down my spine, making me quiver as if someone's gaze shot at me, attempting to put my life in danger.

Inside the restaurant, a woman I've known my entire life had her eyes at me; it seems that her eyes caused me to quiver after all, she buried her eyeballs long before mine lay on her.

Swiftly I walk inside, still had her sight buried on my forehead "Did I make you wait?" I ask Ashtrid, with her arms folded under her breasts, emphasizing her pubic region, ""I am not interested in hearing lame and fuckup excuses," her voice sounded agitated as her other hand motioned for me to take a sit directly in front of hers, then placed it back over her breasts "Talking about excuses... it wasn't as lame as you might have imagined since I almost drowned myself in the tub after falling asleep and... Woke up nude in Sebastian's lap"

Ashtrid's honey-colored eyes flashed as her jaw dropped onto the table, "Wow. The two of you fuck?" The words that she blurted out was far too loud for just me to hear. I quickly hushed her down by covering her big mouth with my hands. "No. That is nasty Ashtrid... It was a joke. I had a towel wrapped around my body, okay?" Despite my neatly done locks, I couldn't help but tuck invisible strands behind my ears and cast glances from left to right to see if anyone heard her—thankfully, no one seemed to have heard anything.

"No matter how much you like someone that badly, you should never go down that path. Do you understand me little young miss? Hmm?" she warned me. "Anyway, let's get down to business" Ashtrid added before taking the menu next to her.

She probably means 'let's get down to business,' which is for me to drop the beans on why I summoned her, "I decided to quit being a shopaholic."

She froze at hearing my words, though I'm not sure what surprise her, and she doesn't appear to be planning on unfreezing herself anytime soon. I pulled the menu from her grasp and began looking for something to eat.

After a few flickers of her long lashes—almost obscuring her eyes. Ashtrid had a sip from her glass and eventually found the words to say "...You can't do that" She laid her glass down as her tongue explore her mouth "Why?" I draw my attention to her and my face twitches. "Let's be honest, you're an obnoxious little freak and a selfish little princess who loves to pamper herself. Tell me, what led you to think you could change just as easily as some bitch who changes her man each night?"

She was right. Changing myself will require a great deal of patience and guts, which I lack. I hate to confess it, but I am not as brave, and I enjoy shopping the most. "My desperation will help me change," I said, there is nothing else I could think of that can help me change but my desperation. "Disgusting. What the hell was that?" She sneers at me, and I wish I could change as quickly as her expression does.

"Anyway, I heard you turned down a ring from one of our shop because you were acting like a jerk, is that true?" She tries brush off the topic. Her attention then turned to the menu, which she grabbed from my side of the table after I took hers, "In my defense, it was very last seasoned. Matthew sort of reserved it for me, I bet he just flipped a coin and picked wherever it landed to" I gradually began to fix my gaze on the dessert selection "What is this development? and why the hell would you refuse the first ever present he gave you, are you insane?" Ashtrid slowly raised her head and planted both palms on the table, almost pounding the menu.

"Ash, I didn't come here to talk about someone's father who careless about his daughter. I came here to talk about how I can change myself."

"I want to talk about your dad's development though."

"There's none. Let's talk about Sebatian and my development"

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A freshly prepared food was dashed out of the kitchen with considerable haste. As soon as the food came in, I seized advantage of the situation to vent about wanting to change out of desperation of my little crush on my bodyguard slash babysitter.

It was barely a three-month-old crush. Aside from studies, shopping, and Ashtrid, this is the first time the I have shown interest towards something. In another word, this is the first time I ever fallen in love, and the so-called first love just happens to be a man with whom I am not supposed to be in love with.

I wonder how love works, especially for someone like me. I couldn't help but speculated, fiddling with my food. I guess I was such a depressing sight to see that Ashtrid couldn't help but let out a long, cranky sigh. She had no idea how much of a hassle she had been to me when she, too, had her first love. I'm guessing she saw a glimpse of herself in the past when she was awful messy and distressed.

Doubt flooded her face as she stared at me; however, she gladly offers me assistance and support, "Fine. I will help you," she says, but growing up with her, she most certainly has a condition.

I was in a stupor, daydreaming, and unintentionally admiring the ocean as Ashtrid planned everything for—what I like to call the 'change out of desperation plan'—in her head. I'm debating whether it's okay for me to suddenly want to change for someone.

Maybe love makes people do crazy decisions, and even if I later regret it, I don't think it's a bad idea to make some changes.

It would be ideal if I could have at least one dinner with Sebastian here, and of course that is not ever going to happen.

It was a magnificent view, yet Ashtrid refused to take her sight away from her food, still perplexed as to how her plan could succeed.

"Just a single date would be nice"