43. Chapter 43

It was a miserable day outside, but that didn't stop Dean from scooting out onto the front porch at the first opportunity. He needed a moment to himself, and so long as he could hear Castiel moving around in the room behind him, he could keep the panic at bay. He sat down on the porch swing, looking out at the rain. It was falling hard enough that the edge of the forest was barely visible, even though it was only twenty feet away. The sound of the rain against the roof was oddly soothing, and he found himself slowly relaxing. The past couple of days had not been pleasant.

Foolishly, he'd thought that having his wings come out would solve everything. Angels had wings, so that meant having wings would make him a full angel. He wouldn't need diapers or bottles or any of that crap anymore; he'd be a hunter again, but a better one. Except that hadn't happened at all. His body was still ludicrously weak, as though it had taken every ounce of strength he possessed just to get the wings out. He got tired doing the least little things, like walking from his bedroom to the kitchen, and Castiel had told him he was still running a fever. It was infuriating. Angels and hunters alike were supposed to be strong, but Dean was feeling more little than ever.

He brought his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, resting his chin on his knees. His wings still ached, too. Not nearly as bad as before, but a pain he was more familiar with: like he'd pulled several muscles in both his wings and the surrounding area. He didn't know how much longer that would go on for. Frankly, he was afraid to ask. He didn't know how much longer he could put up with the dull throb that got so much worse when he forgot himself. Sometimes he'd twitch a wing, still unused to these new appendages, and it was just short of agony. Castiel's wing oil helped, but only so much.

In short, Dean was not in a good mood, and he needed a few minutes away from his daddy. Castiel's guilt was blatantly obvious to anyone who looked at him, and while it was nice having someone fuss over him for the first time that he could remember, it was also a little suffocating. Which was exactly why he'd snuck out onto the porch in the first place. It was hard not having Castiel in his direct line of sight, though. Even with Castiel making sounds behind him, part of him was still convinced that Castiel had fled back to heaven the moment Dean turned his back.

"Fuck, this blows," he muttered, closing his head and pressing his forehead to his knees, wishing he could curl into a tiny ball and only come out when this was all over. His ugly wings weren't helping the whole situation, either. Every time he caught a glimpse of the disgusting fleshy lumps, Dean cringed.

"Better not let your daddy hear you talking like that, little man."

Dean's head snapped up, a frightened yelp catching in his throat. He recognized Balthazar immediately, of course, as well as the angel standing behind him (the human woman standing further back was unfamiliar, though), but that didn't mean they were a welcome sight. Panic welled up in his chest at the sight of Anael. The last time he'd seen her, she'd been brainwashed by heaven and had been trying to kill Mary in 1978 to make sure that Dean and Sam were never born. The fact that she was standing here, smiling at Dean, did not bode well, but he didn't have any weapons on him.

"Relax," Balthazar said, and then raising his voice, "Cassie!"

Castiel was at the door immediately, his eyes widening. "Balthazar? What -" Dean whimpered when he saw Castiel's angel blade slip down into his hand, his breathing picking up. Oh god, there was going to be another battle right here in front of him and the same thing was going to happen all over again -

"I come in peace," Anael said, raising her hands. "Father resurrected me several months ago. I mean you and your hatchling no harm, Castiel, I promise."

For several tense seconds, Castiel stared at her. Dean squirmed as the air prickled; it made his wings hurt, like someone was poking at them with dozens of tiny pins. Then, abruptly, Castiel nodded. His weapon disappeared and he moved over to the swing, easily lifting Dean into his arms and pressing a soothing kiss to his temple. "She's telling the truth, Dean," he murmured. "She's not here to hurt us."

Then why was she here? It was a question he couldn't force out, not when his throat was still clogged with panic. He buried his face in Castiel's shoulder and tried to remember how to breathe. And then, once he'd stopped shaking like a stupid little kid, he was glad his face was hidden because he was mortified. At one point, when Anael had still been Anna, he'd had sex with her. He could remember that night in the backseat of the Impala like it was yesterday, Anna naked underneath him, her smile tinged with knowing as she touched Dean everywhere except for the handprint on his shoulder. And now she was seeing him in nothing but a diaper and a onesie, not even close to being the hunter - the man - she'd known then.

"I know I should've talked to you about this first, Cassie, but honestly I thought it would be good for the baby," Balthazar said, breaking the silence.

"You mean to tell me you just sprung this on them with no warning? Damn it, Bal!"

"Ow!"

There was an unfamiliar giggle, and then Anael's annoyed voice saying, "I'm sorry, Cas. I wouldn't have come if I'd realized you didn't know."

"Why are you here?" Castiel asked.

"Balthazar asked me to. He said that your hatchling was having a hard time adjusting to the process. He thought it would be a good idea if Dean had the chance to talk to Charlie. She's only a couple months further along than Dean, but they're right around the same age. And frankly, Charlie's a little lonely. There's only so many games we can play together before she gets bored, and I thought - " Anael broke off to sigh. "Never mind. This was a dumb idea, and I'll get you for this, Balthazar. Come on, Charlie."

"Wait," Castiel said, shifting Dean's weight onto his hip. "Charlie, is it?"

"Yup!" The voice was bright and young, physically younger than Dean at any rate. "Mommy said I could come talk to someone just like me, but it doesn't look like he wants to play."

"He's just shy."

Dean scowled. He wasn't shy. He was a hunter. It was natural to grab onto the first weapon that you came across in a dangerous situation. It just so happened that in this case, Castiel was the first thing that counted as a weapon that had come close to him. That's all. The fact that he didn't have to look at Anael was just a bonus. But the truth was she'd already seen him, and the longer he sat here and clung to Castiel, the more embarrassed he'd get. There was just no saving face in a situation like this. But he'd deny to his dying day that he was shy. Slowly, he lifted his head and turned to look at their guests.

Balthazar was standing off to the, making apologetic faces at Castiel, and Dean disregarded him entirely in favor of looking at Anael and Charlie. Anael was smiling at him, and he'd never seen her smile quite like that before: so kind and friendly. He looked at her for a long time, searching for any signs of maliciousness, but she didn't look evil. And her wings, which were a very pretty shade of bronze that shone even when there was no sun, were wide open in a way that Dean had come to learn meant she was trying to show she meant no harm. Just as she'd held her hands up to show that she had no weapons.

Right now, she had an arm around Charlie's shoulders. Charlie was a little shorter than Dean, with a head of hair every bit as bright as Anael's vessel. She was wearing blue jeans and a bright purple tank top, which only drew attention to the tiny purple wings on her back. The wings fluttered excitedly under Dean's gaze, and Charlie grinned excitedly at him. "Hi!"

"Hi," Dean said awkwardly.

"I'm Charlie," Charlie said. "What's your name?"

"Dean."

"It's nice to meet you," Charlie said, sounding like she was reciting the line from a script. "Do you want to play? I know lots of cool games."

"What kind of games?" Dean asked, curious in spite of himself.

"I'll show you!" Charlie stepped forward, letting Anael's arm slide off her shoulders, and held a hand out to him. Dean hesitated. She didn't look like a threat, and Gabriel had said that the wards were really strong. Strong enough to keep out anything dangerous.

"It's okay, Dean. Go ahead," Castiel murmured in his ear.

Dean glanced at him, then obeyed, slowly reaching out to grab Charlie's hand. As soon as Castiel set Dean down, Charlie towed him into the nest. She set a direct course for the toys Dean had been playing with before he'd slipped out onto the porch, which were some of the legos and cars that Castiel had bought him at the store. Charlie plunked herself down on her butt and looked admiringly at the castle Dean had built. It wasn't nearly complete, mostly because he'd gotten frustrated with how one of the towers kept falling down. He'd been trying to build it out of blocks, but it kept getting wobbly.

"That's really cool! Mommy says that until I learn to put my toys away, I don't get to have any legos. She says they're too annoying to step on."

"But she's an angel," Dean said, crouching down next to her.

Charlie shrugged. "I guess that doesn't matter," she said, picking up one of the blocks. It was big and colorful, with an Enochian symbol on the side. Dean had the sneaking suspicion they were the Enochian version of those babyish alphabet blocks, and in a moment of embarrassment, was half-tempted to knock it out of Charlie's hand. But she didn't seem to care. She set it on the ground beside a different block and started building a tower.

Gradually, fascinated with how Charlie was building the tower, Dean forgot to be embarrassed. He sat down on the floor and reached out for his lego castle to finish building it. When Charlie finished her castle, she crawled around to his other side and started helping him build with legos. It was a little weird to be sharing, because Dean had never really played with anyone before. By the time that Sam was old enough for them to play, he'd been in that stage where he wanted everything to be his and nothing to be Dean's. It was easier to just go along with it rather than risk upsetting his little brother. So play time often consisted of Dean sitting off to the side and watching while Sam played happily.

Charlie wasn't like that at all. The one time she grabbed a lego out of Dean's hand, Anael called out immediately, "Charlie!" and Charlie winced, looked around guiltily, and said, "Sorry, Dean."

"That's okay," Dean said. He looked at the spot where she'd been about to put the lego and gently set it down, letting it click into place. "That was a good place for it anyway."

She smiled at him. "So who lives in our castle?"

"What do you mean?"

"Someone's gotta live here! I bet it's a really cool queen," Charlie said, her eyes going big and shiny. "And I bet she has magical powers. She can rule over everybody. Queen Charlie!"

"What about me?" Dean said, more curious than anything.

"You can be my handmaiden," Charlie said decisively, jumping to her feet. She touched his forehead with a block and declared, "I dub thee Handmaiden Dean."

Dean pulled back from the block. "I'm a boy. Boys can't be handmaidens."

"Why not?"

He opened his mouth and then paused, uncertain. "Because... they can't."

"That's a dumb rule. I'm the queen and I say anyone can be a handmaiden," Charlie said, putting her hands on her hips. She looked so certain that Dean found himself nodding in agreement. He didn't know what being a handmaiden entailed, but it sure sounded like a lot of fun.