[~85~]

Have you ever experienced what I'm feeling right now?

I... I've lost my sense of self. It's like being nobody, don't want to feel like this all the time, but don't know what to do. I'm confused with myself. I hate times like this. I hate when I'm fed up with myself.

People say, "If you don't love yourself first, how can you expect people to love you or that you love someone else?"

However, today's rain made me realize that I haven't loved myself for a long time. I put too much pressure on myself for things I can't control. What should I do? I always ask myself. It's really hard to burden parents, but that's what I'm doing because I'm so troublesome, right?

If only I wasn't reckless, wasn't easily stressed, wasn't easily depressed, maybe everything wouldn't be like this...

It feels like such a mess that I don't know where to start to finish this all. Should it last? should wait a little longer? Will it be fun? How is the result? Are you able to boast?

I myself am confused with myself, how do I expect people to understand? I don't know since when I started like this, what is certain is that I am exhausted right now.

However, I still want to hope in God... I believe the results will be good.

I always strengthened my heart, believing that things beyond my control should be left to God. although this one child is very difficult to tell. But I hope all is well. I can't think about a week ahead because it's so messy, but I hope it gets better soon. I'll be back to let you know how it goes.