[~83~]

I don't understand my own feelings. As time goes by, maybe you'll find another one, Dave. I hope you'll be happy so I don't feel more guilty about hurting you.

Damn, I forgot to tell Dave something. I quickly checked my phone and told him.

"Please convey it well to your parents. I don't want the relationship that has been built to be damaged. You must be understand what i mean, right? Don't forget to go back asap from my house, I'm afraid my family is still considering us. Thanks again, Dave."

It was the weather as usual. Yes, many men I have rejected. I don't understand myself either. How can I try to open my heart to someone else? I'm also still having trouble managing various schedules, how can I manage the household? I also have lots of activities. My mind is still a little messed up because of repeated arranged marriages with different men. I'm tired of denying it.

Actually, in my little heart, maybe it would be funny to have a little family. But, it must be very troublesome right? Lots of problems, lots of considerations, lots of opinions, lots of holding back emotions, moreover I'm always having a hard time expressing my feeling openly. How can I be patient? a lifetime is too long.

However, Dave seemed very sincere and different from the various men who had approached me. But, the fact that I still have trust issues. It's very difficult to stop that. Instead of me having to waste a lot of time pressing myself, it's better for me to just stay out of trouble. My life will be better without a companion, i guess?

Ah sure, I'm not like this because suddenly. However, a love story that has never gone smoothly since junior high school and even university which still feels sad. How can I get stuck remembering an ex that was 5 years ago? strangely the first 4 years I don't even remember until I forget about him. How can I still clearly remember all those memories at any given moment? How am I, who often get stuck in the friendzone and relationship without status? What about me who has a close friend, it turns out he liked me in 2019, and I liked him in 2021, now he's still friends but no longer in contact? How do I see that the people I like already have girlfriends? How can I easily move on? How can I easily crush someone? How can I, who even love Kai so much, forget him and move on to Na Jaemin? How can I, who really love Na Jaemin, feel bored now even though it's only been 3 weeks? How can I easily break up with my boyfriend when I'm bored? Even I think I've grown up, but with na jaemin that I love I get bored easily. Oh it feels crazy.

Then, with this feeling. should i be in a relationship? I feel so immature. Maybe I can build trust, but pain is never forgotten. I try to think positive thoughts when in a relationship, still bad thoughts about the behavior of an evil partner will continue to spin in my mind and sure enough that is always my reason to break up with my boyfriend.

Then what about marriage for life? it's impossible to me to survive :(

Yes maybe I met my criteria very much in one man, but will he accept me?

Yes, maybe he accepts me, but am I willing to be with him? did not rule out the possibility that I was the bad one in our relationship. It is possible because I am very jealous, possessive, spoiled, childish, and cranky. all prices are covered only with the designation "Independent Sigma Woman"

that's the only title that makes me strong without a man beside me.