Lies and Prejudice

"Corine!"

I look past my shoulder and see Mina rushing towards me. She is one of the nerds in our Literature class. Wearing thick glasses and braces, she likes enhancing it with her long bangs and curly hair. Not to mention the pimples that make it worse.

"You forgot this." She hands me my Literature book while she's catching her breath.

"Thanks!" I take it and put it in my bag.

She is the only person I am talking to in class. She is a certified bookaholic and an introvert too. She is harmless.

"No worries! See you at 3 pm!" She cheerfully says and waves at me.

I just stare at her before she turns to the next corridor.

It has been nine years since I started using the name 'Corine Rodriguez'. Nine years ago when I began to live with a different identity and felt like I was always walking on thin ice. I have to be careful. For me not to repeat all those nightmares from the past, I must be very cautious and always on guard.

I must not attract attention. So I try to live normally as any other teenager should do. Particularly, as the unknown and common student that you could meet. I never participated in any competitions or clubs that might put me in the spotlight. I don't even want to be included in the Dean's list. I make sure that I maintain all the required grades in the scholarship that I applied to. And above all, I make sure that I wouldn't be a perfect subject for bullying. I might be the most uninteresting person you would know. But I am not weak.

I created a low profile just to avoid complications and unnecessary drama.

After having lunch, I go to my favorite spot-- the library. I look for another novel by John Grisham. I pick The Pelican Brief to read.

I sit in the most secluded corner of the room. I am satisfied to find the table empty. I begin to read and forget the whole world.

I love reading books especially novels with the genre of a suspense thriller or courtroom drama. It makes me think logically and at the same time creatively. I do read some romantic and drama stories too. I am also a fan of horror or gothic stories especially written by Edgar Allan Poe and Stephen King. I find it funny realizing how I like reading stories with scary plots or themes although my life itself is a tragic one. Maybe because I know that books have their endings. While on my part, the future is still unknown, and the only way to end life... is death.

That may be the sweetest thing to happen. But I know I have to live. That is the promise I made to them... a vow that I would do everything to keep myself alive until I have finally fulfilled my dream and goal. Before I face death, I have to tell the world. I have to let them know my story. Our story.

I am so engrossed in the book that I haven't noticed a boy who sits in front of me.

"Excuse me..."

I look over my book and see a guy smiling shyly at me. He is wearing eyeglasses but for some reason, it makes him look so attractive. He has this aura that you would definitely throw a second glance at him when he passes by.

I just stare at him with a poker face. I hate it when someone is interrupting me while I am reading. And I really hate it when someone is trying to talk to me. Especially a stranger.

"I just want to ask if there's still a John Grisham book available aside from the one you're reading?" he asks kindly.

"I don't know. But I could give this to you so you can read it," my answer.

I hand him the book and begin to gather my things and put them in my bag.

"No... it's okay. I will just look for another one I guess." he apologetically says.

"No, it's fine. I am actually planning to go anyway. You can have it now." I say before I walk away without waiting for his reply.

This is my normal reaction. I am not angry. But I am annoyed. I am not used to talking to anyone I don't know. Or rather, I really don't want to talk at all... to anyone.

I am very much aware of my classmates' thoughts about me. I hear it from their hushed conversations about how cold and serious I am. They even say that all they know about me is being an emotionless girl and having a deadpanned face. That I am just like an air occupying that chair whenever I am there. They don't know any information like where I am staying, what kind of family I have, what food I like, or what color I fancy the most. They don't know me at all. Which is basically true.

They even ask Mina if I could actually smile since she is the only person I could talk to with more than ten words. I could sense how awkward they are when they're trying to communicate with me. I could sense their fear. Fear of not knowing how to deal with me.

Sometimes, I feel so sorry for them. I just couldn't explain that I am not born to socialize with others and that it is best to leave me alone. It is for their own good.

As for the smile... yes, I know how to smile. Before. Nine years ago, I knew how to laugh too. But that was all in the past. I don't have the right to laugh now. Or even smile.

All I could think of is to survive each day and keep moving forward.

At nineteen years of existence, l have learned that life is not just rainbows and candies. Life has offered me the darkest path and tunnels to travel to.

Death has always been there to fetch me. But I refuse to succumb to its shadows.

Because dying now means I failed my family. And I will not let that failure stop me from getting the justice that serves them.

Dying now is a luxury I cannot afford.