Chp.40: Remember the danger

The three brothers remained motionless in the river looking at each other for almost ten minutes, without anyone saying anything. Darbi and Rhaegal looked at each other, as if they hoped that one of them would have an epiphany and be able to come up with something, while Haku just floated on the water, barely moving his legs to stay afloat. Even if his movements were still sufficient to generate enough force to keep a nearly ten-ton body from sinking, from the dragons' point of view they were extremely weak and slow, as if Haku was completely drained of all energy. Which was true in a way.

Haku was tired. He was really tired.

Not physically tired, of course: if he wanted to, he could have lifted a rock half his size and thrown it into the air without any effort, since his strength and endurance were still those of a dragon. He was tired in mind, soul, spirit. He wanted that at least for once damn everything went exactly as he wanted, without unexpected events of any kind. He didn't claim to be able to close his eyes and fall asleep without worries, because that was and most likely would always be just a utopian dream... but at least he would have liked that his own brothers didn't increase the amount of worries he already had on his shoulders and that by now it seemed to him that they were crushing him.

He wanted a day, just a day off. A moment in which he could empty his mind and forget about everything and everyone. He wanted to be carefree, carefree. He wanted someone, anyone, to tell him that he could take care of everything for him, and that he could take a break for a moment. He had never heard in his life the words 'go and rest, I'll take care of it now'... or at least, not with enough confidence in the voice to really allow him to erase any doubts or worries and thus allow him to have real rest.

Finally Rhaegal moved, swimming towards him until their snouts were facing each other, and the two dragons could then look into each other's eyes. "You're right" he said. "I've been a moron. I didn't reflect and I didn't think. I scared you, our brother and our sisters, and added a lot of stress to what you already had. I could go on apologizing for hours, but I don't think that there are words to be able to make it up to me..."

"Do you even have any idea how we felt? How I felt?" Haku suddenly asked him. "Can you even imagine it?"

Rhaegal let out a deep sigh, then his gaze became determined. "I can guess. I'm assuming a total sense of helplessness, accompanied by a mixture of anger at the whole world but mostly at yourself, and fear, nay, sheer terror as your mind is shown the most horrific scenarios possible and even not, and the knowledge that if something went wrong you would never forgive yourself and you could never stop hating yourself..."

Haku's eyes widened slightly. A veil of surprise seemed to cover his eyes. "You... how do you...?"

"To know so well how you felt?" Rhaegal anticipated him. "Very simple. Because these are the same sensations I felt when I saw you come out of the body of a hydra wrapped in poisonous vapors and liquids, then fall to the ground and stop moving, without even breathing..."

Haku's eyes narrowed. "It's not the same..."

"I know it's not the same, Haku. You were doing it to save us, I was stupid. You already said that" Rhaegal said. "What I meant by bringing this up is that I know how you felt. We all know it, because we all have felt it. It's a horrible feeling that I wouldn't wish even on my worst enemy to feel. So I fully understand anger, and in fact I agree with you. I would be furious if someone had made me feel those horrible feelings just out of their stupid selfish desire. And for this I know that I can never apologize to you enough, not this time. I screwed up, and I am fully aware of it"

Haku remained silent. He had many things to say, but none of them came out of his mouth. In that moment, it was as if her body just wanted to listen. He hadn't expected Rhaegal to understand his feelings so deeply, much less to be so aware of what his bad choices had inadvertently caused.

"I wish I could tell you it won't happen again, but I know my weaknesses and I can't predict the future, and we both know dragons don't make promises they aren't fully sure they can keep" Rhaegal continued. "I just want you to know this: I'm really sorry for making you feel so bad, and I really would like to make up for it if there was a way. them. I just... I don't know how. I'm just a kid, after all"

Yep, Rhaegal was just a kid. All of them, even though they weighed ten tons and had such intelligence that they could be considered geniuses among newcomers, were still children and such was their mentality. They didn't have a wealth of experience that allowed them to resolve those situations, and all they knew how to do most of the time was grit their teeth and carry on, or in some cases even run away. And the few times they'd tried to solve problems with each other through dialogue, it had always been solutions that, while they guaranteed peace in the family, didn't really fix what had been broken.

Haku let out a deep breath. "If you want to fix it, then just try to remember never to do anything stupid again" he said, then he looked at Darbi. "Both of you, always remember this. I know our priorities are different and you want some things before others, but your life must always come first. Make your decisions with this precept in mind. I don't want that promise me; I just want you to tell me you'll remember it"

Rhaegal nodded. That request was understandable... indeed, considering the situation, it was even too permissive. "I'll remember that, brother" he assured him.

"Me too" Darbi added as he swam towards them. "This experience has taught us how easily the situation can escalate. We will try not to make similar mistakes again"

"I hope so" Haku said. "I know that now the situation seems peaceful… but don't fall into this illusion. This world is still a cage full of monsters, and we are inside it. Even if we managed to become allies or even befriend some of these monsters, there are still millions of others that want nothing else than kill us. If we let our guard down like this, we'll be torn apart. And we have no extra lives; if we lose this life, it's over for us, and we won't get another chance"

This was unfortunately true. Darbi and Rhaegal both knew that, while the words had been repeating over and over in their minds, they had both forgotten what they really meant. Their continued successes and the fact that some of the newcomers had finally become friendly with them made them let their guard down. They had forgotten how easily they could be discovered by newcomers and above all killed by them. That situation had fully demonstrated it: they had become careless, and this could have cost them dearly. Indeed, in a certain sense it had cost them dearly: even if their four sisters hadn't really died or left, and weren't in any serious danger, that didn't eliminate the fact that they couldn't have spoken and interacted for months or perhaps even more. More importantly, none of them could predict what state of mind they'd be in after they returned after spending so much time in a body that wasn't theirs and living a life that wasn't theirs. Because of their carelessness, their family could still be seriously harmed.

They could no longer afford such mistakes. That time had gone well, but nothing could guarantee for the future. If they screwed up again, what they might have lost might have been a member of their family. And none of them, both Haku and Rhaegal and Darbi and all their many sisters, would ever forgive themselves if such a thing happened, even if it wasn't directly their fault.

"Well, at least one good thing happened" Rhaegal said suddenly. "Finally you yelled at me again"

It took Haku a moment to understand what his brother meant, then he comprehended. Ever since they'd reunited after he'd been liberated from the capital of the Jurao Kingdom, he and Rhaegal had always been at loggerheads. Even if they had decided to put a stone on what had happened in the past, the facts were more difficult to realize than words. Not only was Rhaegal still afraid of Haku, even though he tried not to show it, but Haku was afraid of himself as well. He was stuck, unable to scold his brother even when he thought what he was doing was completely wrong. And Rhaegal had even sometimes tried to infuriate him on purpose, but he'd never been able to get any reaction out of him. It was as if Haku was facing a cliff that he could easily jump over, but lacked the courage due to the fear of falling. That was the first time in months that he had finally lost his temper and sharply berated his brother for his mistakes.

"Yeah, you're right" Haku mumbled realizing this. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or just a sign that the accumulated stress was far too much even for him to bear. He let out a chuckle. "I think we're the only brothers in the world who can be happy to yell at us. I'm seriously starting to believe that your newcomer friends are right when they say we need a good mind healer"

His brothers laughed back. "Yeah, you're right" Rhaegal admitted. "Maybe we could ask our allies if there are any refugees..."

"Better not. Confessing our weaknesses to a newcomer would be a very bad idea. We don't have that level of mutual trust yet" Haku replied. Even if they were allies, he knew very well that Zamor had countermeasures ready against him, and he didn't want to give him more weapons at his disposal.

"Well, in case we change our minds, I've already asked some of my men to check" Darbi said. "Actually there are some of them... but I think they will soon be overworked. Already on ships they did their best to help those who were in the worst mental condition, let alone now that we are on land or when we have a permanent home at the Thul Oasis. So unless you want to make an appointment in a few years, I'd discount the idea"

The three dragons chuckled again, then Rhaegal said, "Well, at least we should get rid of some tension though. I'd say some of us have built up way too much"

Haku glanced quickly at the trecouche he had gutted a few minutes ago. Yes, he definitely had built up too much tension. "What do you propose?"

"Well, we're here to fish, aren't we? Let's play a game" Rhaegal answered. "Whoever catches the most prey wins. Any type of prey. Indeed, the faster they are the better. At least in chasing them we will get rid of some repressed energy and focus only on them"

"Sounds challenging. I'm in!" Darbi immediately said without thinking twice.

Haku thought about it for a moment, then decided it was worth a try. Any way to blow off some steam was welcome, and chasing prey and tearing them apart with their jaws sounded pretty good. "Okay. I'm with you guys"

"Great! Then let's get started right away. Whoever manages to catch the most prey within half an hour wins!" Rhaegal exclaimed.

"Wait, what wins?" Darbi asked.

But Rhaegal ignored him. "I don't know. We'll think about it later!" he yelled at him while he was already almost completely immersed in the water. Darbi and Haku hurried after him.

The three dragons spent the next half hour terrorizing virtually every life in that stretch of river. And as they favored the fastest animals, they mainly took other trecouches. By the time they were done, they felt much better, as if, counterintuitive as it seemed, some of their tiredness had vanished thanks to the effort they had put into the game. After a rather heated discussion about who was the actual winner, how points should be counted and how much time each catch counts, they decided that for this time Haku had won. At that point they gathered up their numerous prey and go back.