Chp.20: I want to live!

"Can you imagine? He's as stubborn as… I don't think there's a creature I could compare him to! He's so smart but still manages to act like an idiot! And no matter what I do or say, he keeps saying I have to stop living in fantasy! Can you believe it!?"

Darbi was still talking as he was tearing apart a deer carcass. He seemed to be talking more to himself than to his interlocutors. "I mean… it's obvious he cares about that half-elf! It's normal after a whole year of being close! So why he acts like he doesn't want her around? He should try to get closer to her, not move away! Who cares if we will have to be separated anyway? But then, who decided it? We can take her with us! It will be a little more difficult, but it's not the first time we've faced seemingly impossible challenges!"

Darbi violently tore off one of the deer's legs and began chewing on it angrily. "But no! He's not even going to try to get to know her better! He cares about her, but it's like he's terrified of opening up to her a little! It's the same shit he did with us, he kept it all inside until everything went down the drain and he exploded! If this time I will find him again crouched in the middle of the rocks in the grip of a nervous breakdown, I won't just punch him, I'll make sure he stays toothless for a while!"

The dragon spat out the mangled bone, which had been chewed with such force that it had split in several places. "It's like he's afraid to have any social relationships! Every time someone approaches him, he recoils as if he's been scalded! It's incredible, he almost jumped into our father's jaws to save Rhaegal, but as soon as one person tries to be friends with him, boom! There he turns into a coward! And he still acts like he knows everything better than me! Aaaah, sometimes I can't handle him, I really can't handle him!"

Darbi bit into an entire shoulder of the deer and pulled off hair, skin and flesh with a single blow. "If he'd just try to listen to me, maybe he'd understand! But no, he's too convinced that if something could hurt you in the future, then you must avoid it at all costs! Seriously, why doesn't he go live in a cave in the middle of nowhere? Why is he so scared of getting attached to someone? Aaaaah! I really can't handle him anymore!" he exclaimed, slapping a leg on the deer and cutting it in half with a single blow. He gasped slightly, tired due to the fact that he had spoken almost without ever catching his breath, and then he looked up: "And now one of you two should at least say something, don't you think?"

In front of him, a little distance from the deer, Lisah and Martha were sitting on a stone and were watching him without saying a word, and they seemed somewhat disgusted by the way he had treated the carcass. In the end Martha closed her eyes and asked: "Let me get this straight... you went in the bathroom, you abandoned your avatar even though the gladiators were still around, thus risking being discovered by the first one who passes by, you're back here in your real body and hacked that poor deer to pieces while you complained that your brother won't open up to a half-elf slave girl, and you asked us to sit here and listen to you because you expect to receive an advice or an opinion on our part?"

"Um... technically yes" Darbi replied. "So, what do you say?"

Martha rubbed her temples wearily. Today, like every other day, she and her sister had spent their time in the company of some of the dragons, who periodically took turns watching over them. They had gone fishing with them to kill some time. But then Darbi had appeared out of nowhere, even though according to the plan he shouldn't have returned to his real body in broad daylight (since someone might have noticed that it was an inanimate corpse in the dormitory), and had asked his sisters to 'lend him' the two girls. After that he had brought them a short distance, killed a deer and then sat them on a stone, and started complaining about how stubborn his brother was. Which would have been funny if it was anyone else, but due to him being a dragon tearing apart a carcass all the ire was gone. "First, you risk screwing up your plan in this way. And second, why didn't you talk with your sisters about it? They know more about dragons than we do" Martha said.

Darbi snorted. "Because I already know they would agree with Haku" he answered. "Everyone… well, most of them think just like him. None of them want to form any kind of bond that isn't within this family. So I was hoping to get your opinion, since you're the only two friends with whom I can talk to"

"Friends? We aren't friends! We are hostages! You kidnapped us to blackmail our comrades, have you forgotten?" Martha exclaimed.

But Lisah didn't think so. "Come on, sister, don't be so extreme. At least with Darbi we have some kind of friendship"

"Seriously? Do you side with him now?" Martha snapped. "Did you forget that he kept us tied up for almost five months!?"

"Yes, but at least he tried to entertain us. He was always there ready to talk to us. And when he was finally able to free us, he invented new games every day" Lisah answered. "Come on, he might be our kidnapper, but at least he was nice. I think we can at least give him some advice"

Martha sighed deeply and raised a hand to her face, summoning all her patience. Technically she couldn't blame her sister entirely, since Darbi had been quite kind to them, certainly more so than the other dragons. Since he hadn't taken an active role in looking for Haku, at least up to now, he'd spent almost a year watching over the two of them, and Martha had to admit that he'd at least tried to make their captivity less onerous. Every day he'd come up with some new topic of conversation, try to cook the food in a way that was more pleasant to them (since it had been pretty obvious early on that they didn't like raw meat), and had been quite pleasant company. And after he and his siblings had finally become strong enough to no longer fear the twins, Darbi had not only proposed to free them (the other dragons hadn't even thought about it), but then he had built a small shelter for them and even a comfortable bed, he had respected their privacy when they changed or washed, and the rest of the time he had spent inventing new games to keep them busy. Therefore, it couldn't be said that he had been a bad host. In fact, compared to other dragons or even common captors, he'd been quite gentle.

Martha had to admit that Darbi was, nonetheless, a decent fellow. While she never forgot that he was still a ruthless and opportunistic dragon, she had come to appreciate his company (not that she had much of a choice since there weren't many other people to talk to). But Lisah had gone even further, so much so that she almost considered the dragon a friend, which was unthinkable to Martha. She knew full well that Darbi would kill them without a second thought if they posed any danger, but her sister seemed to completely ignore this, as if it were a minor thing. "Sometimes I wonder how naive you can be, Lisah" she grumbled, but despute that she added: "Okay, we'll give you our advice. What's the matter?"

"What!? I've talked about it until now!" Darbi exclaimed.

"Yes, but we didn't understand anything!" Martha said. "All we've heard so far is you complaining because your brother won't try to be friends with a half-elf. Isn't that normal for dragons? It's like us trying to be friends over steak"

"Because you just want them to be friends, right?" Lisah asked with a rather searching look. "Isn't it that by chance that your brother cares about her in a... how to say... deeper sense?"

Darbi put on a disgusted expression and was about to retort indignantly, but Martha got ahead of him and slapped her sister. "Ouch! Why!?" Lisah exclaimed rubbing the affected spot.

Martha glared at her. "You're talking about a dragon and a half-elf. There are some anatomical problems in between. And I'd also like to remind you that this dragon is just a child. It's okay to run with your imagination, but get your bearings!"

Lisah blushed and fell silent. Darbi took the opportunity to intervene. "Um. Anyway no, my brother doesn't think about her in that sense. He just wants to keep her from getting hurt, and so far he's doing a great job. He's given her some guns and every time he has a panic attack he tries to put at ease" he explained. "But then, when it comes to deepening their relationship, he backs off. He doesn't want to get too attached to her. He's convinced that as soon as we elope she'll have to go her own way, and he doesn't want to be hurt when that happens"

Martha and Lisah looked at each other for a moment, as if they were trying to communicate with their eyes, then the first said: "Well... you really can't blame him. After all, he's right, sooner or later you'll have to separate. Why risk getting bad?"

"Because I would like my brother... and all my siblings... to learn to appreciate the good times that life offers us!" Darbi exclaimed. "Look... for a while, even I was convinced that newcomers weren't worth trying to make friends with, but now I've changed my mind. There's a whole ocean of beautiful experiences one can have with those of your kind. I enjoyed my time with you, and I know Maldor enjoyed her time at the Academy of Magic too, and while they won't admit it, I know Rhaegal, Corgorin, and Serengal enjoyed their time as well with your classmates. And now I find that even Haku, who has a level of empathy equal to a block of marble, has grown fond of someone who isn't from this family. If it is possible to bond with newcomers, why should we run away from these ties? I am well aware that they would be temporary ties, built on the basis of circumstances, and that they will not last long. Even if some of you stayed with us until the end of your life, it would still be a blink of an eye for us... but still, I don't want to give it up! Even though I'm technically your captor, it was nice to talk, laugh and joke with someone other than my brother or sister at least for a while. I know I will suffer when we have to say goodbye, at least a little... but nevertheless I don't regret opening up to you two. And I wish my siblings did too! I wish they would stop being afraid of getting hurt, I wish they would treasure these experiences, however quick and ephemeral they are!"

"I understand how you feel, but you have to understand that this is not good for you" Lisah tried to say. "I mean… a wounded creature, even just emotionally, is more vulnerable. And you're not in a position to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You survived so far because you've always ignored other people's feelings... but if you start to get affectionate to others... well... you would have weaknesses. This is not good if you want to survive..."

"I don't want to survive! I want to LIVE!" Darbi almost yelled. "And I want the rest of my family to live too! I know that would make us more vulnerable… but at least we would have at least some semblance of a life!"

Silence fell around them. Darbi seemed to realize only then what he had said, because his expression went from aggressive to surprised. Lisah and Martha froze, and were staring at him with wide eyes. "Sorry" he finally said. "You were right, mine was a mistake. I shouldn't have come here to complain to you. Come, I'll return you to the others"

He turned and started leading the way, but suddenly Lisah exclaimed: "Darbi... you're right"

The dragon turned slightly. "Do you really think that?"

Lisah nodded. "Yes. A life spent just surviving would be... empty. You're right to want more" she replied. "But you can't impose this thought of yours on your siblings. They're right too, in a way. It's not a choice you can make for them. Like you, they too have to figure out for themselves how much value little moments have, even if they they may bump later"

Darbi smiled slightly. "Yes, maybe you're right. I think I'll do what you suggest"

"That's for the best. You've already told them how you feel; I'm sure at least some of them will have listened to you" Lisah said.

Martha nodded behind her. For the first time in a long time, she cracked a smile. "I didn't think I would ever say that but... Darbi, I think you are the smartest in your family"

Darbi burst out laughing. "Don't kid me. Haku, Rhaegal, Sisna, Kotaru… they are much smarter than me, and I could go on and on for quite a while…"

"Maybe they're more cunning, or better at planning… but you're able to figure out what's important long before they do" Martha said. "So... at least from my point of view, that makes you the smartest"

Darbi appreciated that compliment. Even if he wasn't exactly sure of those words, it was pleasant to hear them. He brought the twins back to his sisters, after which he went to lie down, closed his eyes and reactivated the connection, returning to his avatar inside the gladiator dormitory. Luckily no one seemed to notice that there was a dead body sitting on one of the toilets. He hastily assumed the appearance of a red lizardman and then exited the latrine. Once outside, I meet Misune, who was washing some things. "Hey, why you aren't with Haku?" he asked, surprised to see her alone.

"He wanted some privacy" the slave replied. "He's talking to Zamor now"