17. Chapter 17

By the time Carina returned to her office, Maya was busy doing push-ups in the middle of the room. Carina paused in the doorway, waiting for Maya to notice her, and as soon as she did Maya hopped up, her face full of concern.

“They’ve just started,” Carina said, gratefully stepping into Maya’s outstretched arms.

Maya sighed heavily against Carina’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, I…”

“Bambina, no more driving in a panic to Seattle, okay? I’m worried enough as it is.”

Carina felt Maya’s lips curve into a smile.

A painful silence fell between them. Their shared worry, their shared fear made conversation impossible, so instead they shot each other understanding looks and moved apart. Maya yawned and rubbed her eyes, stretching her shoulders in a way that let Carina know she was sore from her drive and obviously tired from the stress of the day.

“Do you want to change…I can get you scrubs?” Carina tucked a strand of hair behind Maya’s ear, taking comfort in the familiar softness.

Maya nodded, grateful, and Carina made a quick phone call that resulted in a knock on the door minutes later. A nurse handed Carina a pair of blue scrub bottoms and a Grey-Sloan hoodie, which she gave to Maya who immediately kicked off her shoes and started on her belt buckle.

Carina sat down on the couch, watching Maya strip, and she couldn’t stop the amused smirk on her face upon seeing Maya in scrubs.

“Dr. Bishop,” Carina said, beckoning Maya closer.

In dark blue scrub pants and a white tank top, Maya looked like something out of Hottest Doctors Monthly.

She crossed the room, coming to stand between Carina’s legs, and Carina couldn’t stop herself from raising Maya’s shirt just a little to kiss her tummy. She’d missed her wife. And their baby was in surgery. And Maya’s body was where Carina always felt safest.

Maya twirled her fingers in Carina’s hair as Carina wrapped her arms around Maya’s hips, bringing her in for a hug.

“She’s going to be okay,” Maya said, though Carina knew that Maya was saying it for her own comfort too.

Carina nuzzled against Maya’s hip bone. “She’s been through so much already. I wish we could bring her home.”

Maya hummed in agreement and scratched lightly at Carina’s scalp, both content to share the same space, until Maya stretched awkwardly again.

“Sit,” Carina said, half-pulling Maya onto her lap. They reclined on the couch, Maya’s back against Carina’s front, and Carina set her hands on Maya’s shoulders, applying pressure. She concentrated on pressing her thumbs into Maya’s sore muscles, the familiar feel of soft skin and hard bone doing much to alleviate some of her anxiety.

She thought Maya had fallen asleep until she heard a relaxed sigh.

“Oh, hey, look at this,” Maya said, reaching into her pocket for her phone. She swiped up revealing an Amazon wish list full of baby supplies. Carina smiled against the back of Maya’s head at the sight of cribs and baby books and diaper hampers.

“I’ve been researching this stroller,” Maya explained, scrolling down, “but I think this might be the way to go. Do you think she’d like this one? It has 7,000 positive reviews and the CPSC calls it the safest one on the market.”

“It looks perfetto, Maya. But I think it’s more expensive than my car.”

“Would she like black or purple?” Maya asked, ignoring the comment. She was almost hyper-focused on her phone and upon closer inspection, Carina realized that Maya had multiple wish lists, clearly labeled and organized.

Because how else would Maya Bishop approach parenthood?

“Show me what else you’ve found,” Carina said, kissing the side of Maya’s head. She wrapped her arms around Maya, just below her breasts, as if keeping Maya close could somehow keep Jamie close too.

“Hey, I should be holding you,” Maya turned her face just a little, letting Carina kiss her cheek.

“You are. Now show me this list here.” Carina pointed to the screen where it said Books.

Maya showed her a wide selection of parenting material and children’s stories, but there were also numerous titles in Italian, some classics and some Carina had never heard of. Looking at Maya’s research made the time pass, it made Carina think of the future with Jamie instead of the present.

She was also so grateful for her wife, her wife who sometimes struggled to understand her own emotions but had clearly spent hours upon hours trying to ready herself for becoming a mother.

“I want to start setting up her room this weekend,” Maya said, scrolling through a selection of cribs.

“Don’t you go back to work on Sunday?”

“Yes. But we need to take apart the bed and I’m going to order a changing table just as soon as you pick one. Plus, we need to safety the entire apartment.”

Somewhere in Maya’s belongings, Carina was certain she’d find a clipboard labeled Jamie.

“We will, Bambina. What have you found for cribs?” Carina liked listening to Maya’s plans, she liked hearing her wife talk about diapers and basinets and baby monitors. It was almost surreal, as if Carina expected that any moment Maya would turn around and start chatting about hoses and turnouts.

Time moved strangely. They talked or lay quietly together, each nervous, each taking comfort in their shared embrace. It was only when Maya set her hands down on Carina’s thighs and released a shaky exhale that Carina realized Maya was not as calm as she seemed.

“She looked so small on the gurney,” Maya said softly, “Dr. Montgomery is the best…right?”

Carina kissed Maya’s neck before resting her chin on Maya’s shoulder. “She is.”

“Okay.”

Carina was about to say more when they both heard a light knock. They looked at each other and then wordlessly, Maya stood, pulling on the Grey-Sloan hoodie before opening the door.

Addison and Cormac stood outside and Maya quickly stepped out of their way, letting them into the office.

“She did great,” Addison said, as Carina nearly jumped off the couch, taking Maya’s hand.

“Textbook procedure. You can see her in about thirty minutes, but it could not have gone better,” Cormac added, his smile almost more reassuring than his words.

Carina pulled Maya into a tight hug and they both laughed, relief flooding in.

“Wilson is with her now,” Addison said, “and she’ll bring her down to the NICU.”

She won’t be alone…

Carina sniffled, unable to keep the joy from her voice. “Thank you, Addison. Cormac. Grazie mille.”

“Thank you,” Maya repeated, one hand clinging to the back of Carina’s scrubs.

There were handshakes and tears and Carina found herself thinking once more of Andrea. Of her mamma.

Thank you, mamma…for keeping her safe…thank you…

~*~

The only thing standing between Maya and passing out from exhaustion was the triple espresso in her travel mug. Carina had woken up bleary eyed, and without saying a word, walked into the kitchen, made Maya coffee, handed it to her, jammed her tongue into Maya’s mouth, smacked Maya’s ass, and then disappeared back into their bedroom.

The whirlwind experience helped Maya make it from their apartment to her car, and the coffee kept her safe as she drove to 19, but sitting in the parking, all the stress of the previous two days and the anticipation of her upcoming shift made her woozy.

They’d both stayed at the hospital most of Thursday night, waiting for Jamie to return to the NICU and then sitting with her well into the next day. After a brief trip home for a shower and change of clothes, they’d returned to the hospital and only left because Maya had to work early Sunday morning.

It was hard to be away from Jamie, especially as she was still recovering from surgery. But Carina would be with her all day and had promised updates and pictures. Maya checked her phone, quickly swiping through her “Jamie gallery,” taking comfort in the cute little face staring back at her.

With one final centering breath, Maya left the car and walked into the station. It had only been three weeks, but she felt like a probie on the first day of a new job. She signed in at the front desk, surprised that no one was milling around at the start of shift, and was about to go upstairs when she heard her name.

“Lieutenant Bishop.”

Maya turned to find Andy standing in the doorway of her office.

“Captain Herrera,” Maya said, inwardly annoyed when Andy motioned for her to come closer.

Maya felt no shame as she walked into the captain’s office. A week before she would have been humiliated, she would have been furious. But her priorities had shifted. She had a plan. She had clarity. And whatever Andy had to say couldn’t touch her.

“Welcome back,” Andy said, taking a seat behind her desk.

Maya chose not to sit. “Thank you.”

“Chief Ross will be in later today. I thought you would want to know.”

Maya studied Andy’s face for a moment, but found no indication of what she was feeling.

“Thank you, Captain Herrera. I appreciate that,” Maya said, standing at attention.

“Warren told us about…the baby…I mean, the surgery. Is she okay?”

Again, Maya took Andy in, trying to read her. She truly did appreciate Andy’s question, but she was also highly aware that their relationship was permanently altered. This wasn’t Andy her friend from the academy. It was Captain Herrera, her superior.

Maya took a deep breath and nodded. “She is. I do hope you’ll understand that should an emergency come up, I may need to leave early.”

The last time Maya had left a shift early was the day Andrew died. And while she knew it was generally frowned upon, there was no way she wouldn’t drop everything should Jamie or Carina need her. Not anymore.

Andy folded her hands on the desk. “Of course. That’s all, Lieutenant.”

Maya turned on her heels and left, feeling no need to say more. It was easier to stay professional at work, easier than acknowledging how painful it was that their friendship was likely over. She hoisted her backpack on her shoulders and returned to the lobby, though this time she made it up the stairs.

“Bishop!” Vic cheered from the beanery. Maya was genuinely happy to see her.

“Hey, Hughes.”

“Okay, let us see. Show us this baby.”

The word “baby” seemed to summon most of A-Crew. Jack appeared from the lounge and then Warren popped his head out of the lockers. Travis left the gym and Theo nearly ran from the washrooms. It was how Maya found herself swarmed by her colleagues, all eager to see Jamie.

“Hold on, hold on,” she laughed, digging her phone out of her pocket, clicking on the photo albums.

“Why does that one say Expenses 2021,” Travis asked, pointing at a folder.

Maya pulled the phone a little closer, trying not to blush.

“Nudes,” Vic said, which made Maya’s ears turn red. She was very relieved that she’d enforced a password, retina scan, and fingerprint app for that particular folder. Only she was allowed to view her wife’s talent for photography.

The resounding laughter made it hard to concentrate, especially as Travis grabbed her shoulders and playfully shook her, but Maya was able to finally click on her Jamie folder and all laughter was replaced with loud awwwssss and cooing.

Maya beamed as she showed off picture after picture.

Jamie yawning. A little video of Jamie kicking her legs. Jamie snuggling against Carina. Jamie holding Maya’s finger.

Each picture made Maya happier and happier.

“She looks so different now,” Jack said, his smile kind, and Maya belatedly remembered that he’d been present at Jamie’s birth.

“If not for you, she wouldn’t be here,” Maya said, setting her hand on Jack’s shoulder.

He shrugged, bashful, but Maya meant it.

Vic was still flipping through Maya’s pictures, sharing comments with Travis with each one.

“How have you not eaten this baby yet?” She asked, and Maya laughed, understanding the impulse herself.

“Oh! Wait!” Warren snapped his fingers remembering something and then darted into the locker room. He emerged holding a tiny onesie that said Probie across the back. There was a little firetruck on the front and Maya had to resist the urge to grab it and drive right to the hospital.

After three weeks away and news of a possible investigation, Maya had expected a cold shoulder. Instead, she was reminded that 19 was full of good, decent people. And while she still very much planned to go ahead with her complaint, she was relieved to find that she had allies at work. She wasn’t alone. Which meant that Carina and Jamie weren’t alone either.

Footsteps on the stairs interrupted the reunion and when Andy walked into the beanery an awkward silence fell. Maya understood it all too well. She’s experienced the same shift when she’d become captain. It was hard to suddenly be the boss, to be a superior to friends.

“Meeting in the barn in five minutes,” Andy said with a tight smile.

The group broke up and Maya walked to her locker, already pulling off her jacket. She slipped into her uniform but paused before shutting the door. Looking over her shoulder, she checked that she was alone before reaching into her backpack and taking out the picture she’d printed the night before.

Carina held Jamie in her arms, looking down with so much love, so much joy. She was beaming, a smile wider than any Maya had ever seen. It almost pained her to look away. She pinned it inside her locker, taking one last look before removing another copy of the picture from her bag and heading downstairs.

She popped into the equipment room, again checking to make sure she was alone, and then pulled her helmet down from the rack. Maya flipped it over and placed a smaller print of the photograph inside. It was covered in plastic, safe from sweat and smoke. But Maya felt better knowing it was there.

It kept her focused. It helped constantly remind her to keep her eyes forward, but only if Carina and Jamie were in her direct line of sight.

~*~

One hour before the end of Maya’s twenty-four-hour shift, Maya found herself anxiously sitting in Grey-Sloan’s emergency room. She sat on a gurney, looking over her shoulder towards the nurse’s desk, hoping that she wouldn’t see her wife.

It was a strange feeling because usually she always wanted to see her wife. But not this time.

The small burn on the back of her hand was barely a scratch and Jack’s bleeding face was the result of the smallest nick they’d ever seen, but Andy insisted they go get checked, which is how Maya and Jack found themselves in the pit waiting for clearance.

“She might kill you,” Jack said, seated next to Maya.

Maya rolled her eyes. “Not if she doesn’t see me.”

“Who’s not going to see you?” Amelia Shepherd strolled in, a penlight in hand.

“Amelia, is Carina in the OR?” Maya asked, hopeful her wife was very busy.

Amelia’s smirk grew wider.

“Hello yourself, Firefighter Barbie,” she said, looking at Maya before turning her attention to Jack, “and Ken.”

“Uh…I’m Jack Gibson?” Jack extended his hand, which Amelia shook enthusiastically.

“I’m told you hit your head?” She asked, unceremoniously shining a light in Jack’s eye.

“Barely, it wasn’t tha…”

“Maya Bishop!”

A loud voice carried over the already loud space and Maya winced, her shoulders hunched close to her ears.

“That wasn’t an Italian accent, right? Totally Irish? Spanish? Maybe Australian?” Maya mumbled to herself, nearly falling off the gurney when Jack elbowed her in the side.

Carina appeared in a flurry of scrubs and a surgical gown. She was still wearing her surgical cap too and Maya bit her lip because Carina with her hair up was a situation.

As was Carina with her hair down.

“Show me,” Carina said, both hands on her hips.

“It’s really nothing, I swe…”

“Mostrami subito!”

Maya thrust out her arm out in obedient silence. It made both Jack and Amelia laugh, though they quieted when Carina raised one finger in warning.

She took Maya’s hand, inspecting it carefully, before shaking her head.

“Bambina, you cannot injure your hands,” she warned with a heavy sigh.

Amelia snorted, “Oh, I want to hear this.”

“I don’t think I do,” Jack whispered, once again ignored.

“It’s just a tiny burn,” Maya insisted, “I’ve done worse in the kitchen at home!”

“Tesoro, we need your hands!”

Maya blushed furiously. “Carina!”

“I had a dream like this once,” Amelia hissed, but was cut off by Carina tsk’ing her.

Carina raised her phone, showing Maya the screen.

“How else will you sign this?” She asked, a slow smile spreading across her face.

Maya squinted, confused, until she understood what she was looking at…

“Is that…?” She stood up, her burn totally forgotten as she took Carina by the hips.

“We’re her guardians, Bambina, her legal guardians!”

Maya grappled Carina into a hug and twirled her around, nearly knocking over a tray of gauze and an unsuspecting intern.

They both laughed, Carina in surprise, Maya in overwhelming joy, and when Maya set Carina down again she didn’t think twice before pulling her into a kiss. She didn’t care that they were in the middle of a busy emergency room. She didn’t care that Carina was at work and technically, she was still on the clock.

Maya needed to kiss her wife.

Nothing was going to stop her.

Carina’s laughter broke them apart, but Maya kept her hold, wrapping her arms around Carina just as Carina grabbed the back of Maya’s t-shirt. They were cheek to cheek, Carina’s face pressed into Maya’s neck, as close as they could get without burrowing into each other.

“Can we go tell her?” Maya asked, stroking Carina’s hair.

She felt a nod against her before Carina pulled back to rest her forehead against Maya’s.

“You smell like a chimney, Maya, shower first,” she said, though she did not loosen her grip at all.

They were so caught up in each other that they both startled when they heard a loud sniffle behind them.

“Are you crying?” A red-eyed Amelia looked at Jack who was very quickly shaking his head.

“No! You’re crying!” He said, blushing furiously as one tear slowly cascaded down his cheek.

Carina’s fingers found the collar of Maya’s shirt and curled inward, tugging just a little, just enough to keep Maya with her.

It was where Maya planned to be for the rest of her life.