9

A tall, skinny professor who looked like a dried herring greeted them on the doorstep. Hagrid quickly handed the first graders over to her - and scurried off to treat the poor squid.

The professor led the children into the great hall. Harry looked around.

Well, it's alright. It's clean, it's lively... and how many secluded places are there?!

The aunt's name was Professor McGonagall, and Harry wondered - Professor, what? And who gave her the title of professor? You'd have to have a dissertation. Do wizards have scientific boards?

The aunt left them in the room, told them to wait and left.

Harry glanced around. What would the entrance exams look like? If everyone's education is different...

- They say you'll have to fight a troll. There will be some sort of test," Ron muttered nervously.

- Does the squid count? - Harry coolly interjected. He might not have enough sodium, after all. Besides wasting valuable reagents on things? No way!

Ron glanced at Harry respectfully. Draco snorted.

- A troll? You could do better than that!

- Malfoy, you're the stupid one! - Ron sulked.

- Weasley, even your mental capacity aside, where would you find so many trolls? What if one of the kids dies?

- Bloody hell! - Harry stretched out. A ghost was floating out of the wall, muttering about some kind of Peeves. I mean a translucent whitish substance...

Shit!

Half a kingdom for a hoover! And preferably one with a liquid filter to see what's flying around!

The ghosts flew straight at the children. One of them flew very close, and Harry was about to catch a spirit and ask if it was carbon dioxide, liquid nitrogen, or what? What was the structure of the body when shattering all good intentions, Professor McGonagall returned.

- Line up in twos," she ordered.

Ron jerked toward Harry, but he was too late. Draco stood closer, so the redhead had to get up with Neville. Crabbe and Goyle took up a strategic position behind Draco - and the column moved into the Great Hall.

The first thing that caught Harry's eye was the candles. Hundreds and thousands of them. They burned, the flames fluttering and creating the most bizarre shapes of objects. Threw mysterious shadows on the walls, making people seem much more significant and weird.

Why candles? Light bulbs are more convenient... no fouling, no smudging. Oh, yeah, Muggle technology doesn't work here. Well, what's the point of living without paraffin? Not an ounce of tech, but higher brightness? Or gas lamps?

Ancient of ages.

Over these reflections, Harry safely missed Professor McGonagall, who pulled a stool to the middle of the hall and placed a hat on it. The hat looked like it had been removed from the rubbish bin yesterday and had yet to bother to dry-clean. It was more amusing when it hissed and sang, but Harry didn't listen to the song. He searched his eyes for the tape recorder and the strings to move the hat.

Why?

David Copperfield is not on you. Well, that's quite a surprise, isn't it?

Professor McGonagall stepped forward, holding a long scroll of parchment.

- When I call your name, come forward, put on your hat and sit on the Parsing stool," she said. - Abbott, Hannah!

The girl with the blonde ponytails came out of the ruler, put on her hat, which immediately covered her up to her chin, and sat down. A second of confusion, and...

- HAFFLPAF! - Shouted the hat.

The rightmost table bobbed and clapped, and Hannah stepped back to sit at the Hufflepuff table. Harry saw the ghost of Fat Monk waving hello to her.

- Bones, Susannah!

- HAFLEPAF! - hat shouted again; Susannah rushed to the table and sat beside Hannah.

- Booth, Terry!

- RAVENCLO!

This time there was clapping at the second table on the left; several Ravenclaw students stood up to greet Terry.

"Brocklehurst, Mandy" also ended up in Ravenclaw, and "Brown, Lavender" became Gryffindor's first new student. The leftmost table exploded with shouts; Harry could see the Weasley twins whistling at two fingers.

Then 'Bullstrode, Millicent' hit Slytherin. Maybe it was just Harry's imagination, but after everything he had heard about Slytherin, he thought they weren't very nice looking either.

Now Harry didn't feel good at all. He remembered how the teams had been picked in his old school's gym class. He'd always been picked last, not because he wasn't good, but just so Dudley wouldn't think anyone was messing with Harry.

- Finch-Flechley, Justin!

- HAFFLPAF!

Harry noticed that the hat announced the college at once to some, but for others, it needed to be faster to respond. "Finnigan, Seamus," the blond boy standing next to Harry sat on the stool for nearly a full minute before the hat identified him as a Gryffindor.

- Granger, Hermione!

Hermione ran to the stool and confidently slipped the hat over her ears.

- GRIFFINDOR! - The hat shouted. Ron groaned.

A horrible thought pierced Harry. Terrible ideas like that when you're really worried. What if he needs to get sorted? What if he just sits there and sits on the stool until Professor McGonagall pulls off his hat, announces that there's been some mistake, and has him get on the train and head back?

On the other hand - what's the harm in that? He'll go to Liz! And go to chemistry college!

When Neville Longbottom, the boy who had lost his toad, was summoned, he stumbled to the stool and stretched out on the floor. With Neville, the hat took its time. When she finally shouted "GRIFFINDOR," Neville trudged back to the table without taking it off; he had to return to the general laughter so that the hat could be put on by "MacDougal, Morag."

Malfoy stepped forward when his name was called and immediately got what he wanted - no sooner had the hat touched his head than she squealed: "SLIZERIN!" Malfoy joined his mates Krebbe and Goyle, quite pleased with himself.

There were fewer and fewer unsaid.

"Moon... Nott... Parkinson... the two twin girls, Patil and Patil... Then Perks, Sally-Anne... and finally -

- Potter, Harry!

Harry stepped to the stool, and immediately a whisper ran through the room as if little hissing lights had been lit:

- What did she say? Potter?

- Wasn't that the same as Harry Potter?

- Wait a minute," Harry held his hand, defending himself against the hat. - Do you put it on just like that for everyone?

Professor McGonagall was stunned.

- Um... а...?

- And the disinfecting? - Harry sighed heavily. - Professor, how much nastiness can you pick up by wearing someone else's clothes? Someone in the hall may have a case of pediculosis.

- Pedi...

- Lice, Harry explained patiently. - but dandruff wouldn't do me any good, you know?

- What do you suggest?

The professor was clearly taken aback.

- May I?

Harry drew a plastic bag from his pocket and placed it on his head without thinking.

- Can I do that?

- I don't think so.

- Like this, then?

Harry retrieved a bottle of cologne with an atomizer from his bag and, before McGonagall could even say "meow," liberally sprayed the hat.

A stifling smell wafted across the room, indicating that every living thing in the radius of the hat was dead.

Of course, it was. Actually, it wasn't cologne in the bottle; it was chlorine. You never know...

- What do you think you're doing, Potter? - McGonagall wailed righteously.

- Isn't it customary at Hogwarts to take care of your health?

The green eyes were innocent... McGonagall knew that it would not be quick to change the child's mind - and with a swing, not waiting for Harry to sink to the stool, she slammed a hat on the top of his head.

The last thing Harry saw before the hat fell over his eyes was a room full of students craning their necks to get a better look at him. He stared into the black lining and waited.

- You're an infestation," came a squeaky voice. - I haven't been sprayed in a few thousand years.

- You have to start," Harry countered. - Do you know what you could have picked up in all that time?

- Yeah, bastard. Where do you want me to send you?

- What choice do you have?

- Cunning, Courage, Intelligence, Hard work. Otherwise, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff.

- So... where do I fit in?

- Well, not Hufflepuff, that's for sure. You need to work harder and are only sometimes on the case. Unless you're interested.

- Bingo.

- Do you want to go to Slytherin? You could achieve greatness there...

- What do I need greatness for?

- Um....?

- Well, there you go. Instead of doing your job, you sit around scheming," Harry had already chosen a department for himself. - Don't suggest Gryffindor either.

- Why not?

- It takes no brains to be brave.

- Yeah, well... That's the kind of thinking I've never encountered before. Ravenclaw?

- Is there a choice?

- Otherwise, I'm afraid chlorine won't do it alone. RAWENCLO!!!

Harry shook his head, smoothing his hair. The hall looked at him with holy terror. He looked around, walked over to the blue-bronze table and sat beside some Chinese-type girl.

There were only four left to make out. "Thomas, Dean," the black boy, even taller, went to Gryffindor. Ravenclaw got 'Turpin, Lisa,' and it was Ron's turn. He was pale green on the face. Harry crossed his fingers under the table, lest, God forbid, the active dabbler should get into Ravenclaw, but the hat had already proclaimed, "GRIFINDOR!" Harry clapped with everyone else until an exhausted Ron collapsed at his desk. And quietly took a breath.

"Zabini, Blaze" was determined to Slytherin; Professor McGonagall rolled up the parchment and carried off the Divided Hat.

Harry looked at the empty gold dish in front of him. Only now did he feel how hungry he was? Now he would even share a chocolate frog with the table.

Albus Dumbledore rose from his chair. He glowered as he looked around at the students, his arms wide open, as if nothing in the world was more pleasing than seeing them all in this hall.

- Welcome! - he said. - Congratulations on the start of a new school year at Hogwarts! Before we begin the banquet, let me say a few words. All right: Bubble! Bubble! Remainder! Trick! Thank you for your attention.

He sat back down. Everyone clapped and murmured approvingly. Harry didn't quite know if he should laugh.

- Is he a little... out of sorts? - he asked the other roommate, a fellow senior.

- He likes to give that impression. Luckily, the Hogwarts elves understood him. Look...

The plates were filling up quickly with food. But Harry had already forgotten about hunger.

- Hogwarts elves? Who are those?

- They're the magical servants of Hogwarts.

- Where do they live?

- Here, in the kitchen. And you... Oh, yeah! You grew up with Muggles, didn't you?

- I was.

- I see. Let me introduce you. I'm Anthony Goldstein. Tony's fine.

- I don't have to introduce myself now, do I?

- I'm a smart one...

- Otherwise, you'd be in Gryffindor?

- Exactly. And if you made fun of your fellow students, you'd be in Slytherin.

Harry looked at the boy respectfully. He began to be educated about the undercurrents of Hogwarts.

Thanks, of course, but for now...

- So what's the deal with the elves? Are they beautiful and have pointy ears? Like in Lord of the Rings?

- After you meet the faculty, you come to me. I'll give you a book about them.

- Deal.

- Once you've read it, I'll take you to the kitchen to see for yourself.

- Thanks.

Harry appreciates the scientific approach. And right, you should know the safety rules before you mess with the creature and the substance.

- Bon appetit," Tony hinted.

- Thank you. You too," Harry replied and began to eat.

But why were both Snape and the Headmaster staring at him like that? And some fool in a turban?

What, they found out about the squid already? Ah, they can't prove it anyway.

Oh, shit!

His forehead stiffened as soon as Harry looked at the scarecrow in the turban. He rubbed the scar discreetly with his hand. What a... ...bastard! Wait until I'm old, and I'll drive you to hell!

After dinner, everyone sang what Harry would have called the March Cat Chorus and finally dispersed to their dormitories.

***

Harry got a separate room, stowed his things there and went downstairs - the dean had asked everyone to gather in the living room for a brief introduction in ten minutes. Unpacking could be done afterwards.

The little half-goblin looked around at everyone present.

- Good evening, dear students. Today our faculty has been enriched with five more students. Please give them your full attention. Guys, please stand up, introduce yourselves and say at least a few words about yourselves.

Harry was silent. But silently stood up, as did another boy and three girls.

- Mandy Brocklehurst," said a short, chubby blonde girl. I- Pleased to meet you. Interested in arithmetic and methodology.

And sat back down on the couch.

- Lisa Turpin," said the girl assigned after Harry. Dark-haired, with a pleasant, lively face and clear blue eyes. - I like to read and play musical instruments. - She smiled cheerfully, and it was clear it was more of a politeness mask. - My mother says I am inquisitive.

The students smiled back at her.

- Padma Patil," the third girl, a slim, Indian-looking girl, introduced herself. In Harry's eyes, the only thing missing was a snake. She also had a sister who was assigned to Gryffindor. - My father is a Magaratha of Brahmapur, and the family is skilled in the ancient art of snake spells.

Harry considered what to say to him. Keep it short and to the point.

- Terry Booth," the boy next to Harry introduced himself quickly. - I love animalistic and astrology. Glad to be in this department.

The half-goblin rewarded him with an approving nod, and Harry knew it was his turn.

- Henry Potter, pleased to meet you and get in. I have recently learned about your world and am afraid I will make foolish mistakes. So I apologize in advance if I've offended anyone through ignorance. - Yeah, you don't get an apology if you do it on purpose. - I love... alchemy; I read a lot.

Harry, or Henry, bowed slightly and then looked at the dean.

- Thank you, Henry. You may be seated. And now that we've all met, I suggest we disperse to our rooms. Freshmen note - headmasters Robert Hilliard and Penelope Crystal (said comrades raised their hands while sitting on couches) will see you off to your classes for the first time so you don't get lost. So don't go anywhere without them, okay?

Henry nodded obediently. The dean was clever, after all. He knew immediately he wanted to distance himself from the idiotic glory of the Boy-O-Who-Has-Bullshit-Anglia! And better start with a name. Besides, Harry is Harold, isn't he? And he's definitely not Harold.

The small room had a bed, a table, a chair, a cupboard and a shelf for books. A large...

Henry stretched, slipped his hand into his bag and pulled out a small mirror.

He and Liz would get mobile phones, but electronics didn't work at Hogwarts. Paired mirrors, on the other hand, were fine. Magic, of course. Then again, he didn't have all of England to talk to, just Liz. A mirror would do.

He ran his finger along the rim.

He didn't have to wait long. Liz's worried face appeared in the mirror.

- Hi, baby. Are you all right in there?

Henry felt his nose tingle.

- Liz... I missed you already.

- I miss you, too. And the experiments could be better...

- What are you doing now?

- I wanted carbon tetrachloride, but... I had to make sandwiches. That way, I won't explode.

- You won't get poisoned?

- I didn't make the sausage. That's comforting.

Henry realized he was smiling.

- I made it. Can you believe they're all so weird around here? Squids swimming in the lake, tables coming to life on the train, ghosts flying around the room, but they're all harmless.

- okay. Please don't dissect the table; look for a holo-projector in the hall or throw dynamite in the lake. At least two weeks until you get the hang of it.

- I promise," Henry agreed honestly. Thankfully, Liz didn't say anything about sodium. And it wasn't in the lake either...

- And if you get tired of.... synthesize some nitroglycerin and come home.

- Deal. I've got a private room and a half-goblin dean.

- That's cool. Too bad you can't take pictures. But will you try obscura and silver nitrate?

- I will. And I'll ask around about how they take pictures here. There's some kind of magical technique.

- Great. [Laughs]

Henry said goodbye and felt much better after the conversation. It made him feel more at ease...

So, off to bed? We'll deal with it tomorrow. And his things, classmates, and even Malfoy and Weasley? It's ridiculous to go to the same school, make facets of the same cube, and then fight. The faculties complement each other perfectly - and such a feud?

He'd think he'd have a secret agent at Hogwarts, and then he'd think there was one. All right, then. Sleep. Or else you'll think he's disguised as a squid.

Go to sleep!