Chapter SIXTEEN

C A L E B

I knew I looked more like pouting child than an international celebrity on a first class seat. I was staring straight ahead, arms crossed over my chest with my eyebrows knitted together. The plane had taken off a few minutes ago. I thanked a flight attendant who said that my dinner would be served in a few minutes before I went straight back to sulking like a three year-old. The inside of the plane had gotten colder now too, which only made me even more irritated.

The only jacket I had brought in my carry-on was Liam's.

Liam and I were good. I wasn't mad at all, just really fucking confused.

I never liked fighting with him. Not one bit. But, this one time, I wish we did fight. I wish I could have stayed longer with him and just started to fight. The reason for that was because I was sure that one way or another, the truth would've slipped out of his mouth. Either out of irritation or by pure accident, at least I would have known what that kiss meant. Or, what it didn't mean.

Liam had said that Dave didn't ask him to do it, and it wasn't because of the paparazzi either. If Liam had told me that he kissed me because he was told to or because of publicity, then I think it would have been easier for both of us. I would be absolutely sure that he didn't have any sort of feelings for me.

I saw goosebumps appear on my arms when a chill ran down my spine. I clenched my fists, closing my eyes.

Screw it.

I took my backpack and opened the large compartment, pulling out Liam's gray jacket. Putting it on was nice, comforting. It still smelled like Liam.

Yesterday's conversation played in my head. Liam repeated the very words I told him. He didn't seem repelled by my sort of confession, and I think what he told me at the airport was something like that as well.

Though Liam had also said yesterday that I shouldn't worry about kissing him because it wouldn't change things between the two of us.

He kissed me. Did that change things between us now?

Thinking about this was really giving me a headache.

I couldn't ignore that a tiny part of me, a part which I really was trying to ignore, felt ecstatic when Liam kissed me and found out that he wasn't sure why.

Because maybe, just maybe…

"No." I whispered, shaking my head. I didn't want to raise my expectations. Having expectations hurt. Situations like this usually became confusing for a moment, then things become clear in the end and turn out exactly the opposite of what you'd expect.

I did enjoy the kiss though, so much more than I probably should have. It wasn't long, and we weren't making-out, but it was Liam, which really was the only thing that mattered.

Back when we were sixteen, before I left for Australia, I was the one who kissed him. The night before and at the airport.

I had promised I'd go back to him. I didn't, though. Obviously.

This time, I was determined it wouldn't be like last time.

I was coming back, but this time, I was coming back to Liam.

#

It was the next day. I had woken up early after barely three hours of sleep. I spent the entire night thinking, and that got me literally nowhere because after I'd come up with one question, another one will pop up, leaving me no time to think about any possible answers.

My photoshoot started bright and early at eight. I had eaten breakfast and didn't hesitate to leave in my sweatpants, sunglasses on and coffee at hand.

"You don't look too happy," Courtney observed. She was sat a few inches away from me at the backseat, typing on her phone. Unlike me, Courtney was dressed in a smart casual attire. Our driver for today, Edmund, was making his way to the building where the photoshoot would take place. "I can actually feel the sadness radiating from you."

"I'm not sad, Courtney," I said to her, taking a long sip of mu instant coffee. "I'm just a little sleepy."

"And why did my golden boy feel the need to stay up late?"

"Couldn't sleep much."

"Something's obviously bothering you," Courtney mumbled. "You've been staring at that window as if it offended you."

I blinked, turning towards Courtney. She looked up from her phone, raising an eyebrow. "Care to share?"

"There's nothing much to share."

Courtney pursed her lips before letting out a sigh "Alright, if you say so. Just know, you can talk to me about anything."

"I guess you saw what happened yesterday." I mumbled, staring out the window again.

"I bet by now everyone does," Courtney replied softly. "How'd your friends react?"

I shrugged. "Haven't talked to them yet."

"So, you just kissed Caleb, huh?" Courtney asked.

Just.

I nodded once. "I kissed him."

"And you feel, what? Upset? Guilty? Confused? Happy? Or are you still unsure?"

I slumped in my seat, figuring I had nothing to lose by sharing to Courtney. She couldn't share this to anyone, anyway. Confidentiality is part of her contract. "I'm still unsure. I don't know what I want to happen now. I'm pretty sure he's just as confused as I am now."

"Liam, you don't have to beat yourself up about this. Feelings aren't always black and white."

I looked down at my lap. "Caleb deserves some sort of answer. I didn't kiss him because of our contract, I told him that."

"I'm sure Caleb understands," Courtney said. "And you don't have to tell him anything that isn't true just to give him an answer. Tell him what you are sure of."

#

When we arrived at the warehouse they were for the photoshoot, Courtney and I were met by a girl wearing a light yellow dress that stopped above her knees and a white blazer. "Good morning, Mr. Walker," She offered us a welcoming smile. "I'm Olivia Chester."

I shook her extended hand, offering the best smile I could muster. "Hi, Olivia. Please, just call me Liam. This is my assistant," I gestured. "Courtney."

"Hello," Olivia smiled at Courtney, shaking her hand as well. "Thank you both so much for joining us today."

Olivia gave me the orientation about the concept of today's shoot, then I was led by two girls towards the dressing room. They sat me down in front of a table with a giant mirror. "Mr. Walker, I'm Lindy," A girl with dark skin wearing a red sweater introduced herself. "I'll be in charge of your hair and make-up. Melody and a few others will help with your clothes."

"Hi Lindy, thank you. Please just call me Liam." She nodded, understanding. "Okay then, Liam. I'll start adding foundation."

I let her do her thing, tilting my face and closing my eyes when she instructed me to do so. "Hey, Lindy, where are you from?" I asked. I noticed she didn't have an Australian accent.

"I'm from New York. I moved here with my parents last year." I continued to have a light conversation with Lindy as she finished my make-up, adding a bit of pink around my eyes and light eyeliner. She moved on to my hair and said she'd try and have it slicked back.

I was in the middle of telling her the time I've been to Paris, the place she said she wanted to go to the most, when my phone began to vibrate in my pocket. I took it out and stopped mid-sentence.

Caleb was calling.

"Hey, Lindy, are you done with my hair?" I asked, looking at her. My stylist nodded, placing down the hairspray and brush.

"Yup, you're good to go." She shot me a thumbs-up through the mirror. I shot her one back. "Thanks, I just need to take this. Tell everyone I'll be back." I exited the dressing room and spotted a corner beside the restroom where none of the staff seemed to be stationed.

I took a deep breath before answering. "Hey."

"Hey, Liam." Caleb's voice sounded cheery, at least. "I've got someone here I'd like you to meet." There was some shuffling on the other line, then I heard him whispering.

"Hello?" A girl was on the other line.

"Oh," My eyebrows rose. "Hello! Who's this?"

"M—My name's Cynthia," I heard her say, nervous. "I'm a huge fan of you, Liam! You're truly one of my inspirations!"

I grinned, feeling a swell of pride in my chest. "Aww, that's so sweet! I'm honored to hear you say that."

"It's her birthday today!" I heard Caleb's voice say. I must've been on speaker. "Happy Birthday, Cynthia!" I said, feeling myself smile. "How old are you now?"

"I'm eighteen," Cynthia answered. "I love you so much, Liam!" She quickly added.

"I love you too!" I said, just as enthusiastic. "Caleb, give her a hug for me!"

There was some shuffling and excited squealing on the other line. They were talking after Caleb hugged her, and I didn't really understand much until I heard Caleb bid Cynthia goodbye. "Still there?"

"Still here." I replied.

"Sorry if I called out of the blue. She asked for a picture and said she was a massive fan of yours, it was her birthday so I said I'd try to contact you."

"That's really sweet of you to do." This really wasn't fair. He was being all sweet and thoughtful and far away.

"I'm here at LAX, I'm waiting for mom and dad. They said they'd be here any minute now. You at your photoshoot yet?"

"Already here, just finished getting my make-up and hair done." I bit my lip, remembering what I wanted to actually say. "Hey, Caleb, about the kiss…"

His whole tone changed, suddenly serious. "Liam, it's fine. You said you don't know, you're not sure why. I understand. Take your time, alright?"

I blinked, surprised. "I—I actually thought you'd want me to explain."

"I've waited three years to start talking about these things, I can wait a little longer. We don't have to rush this conversation. Maybe when I come back?"

My heart felt like it was beating three times faster. I closed my eyes, smiling. "I'd like that."

"Sorry for interrupting you at your shoot. Go do your thing."

"Wait!" I said, lowering my voice even though there wasn't anybody within hearing range. "The kiss—You're not mad at me about it? Promise?"

"Yes, promise. I've been thinking about it since I've gotten on the plane. I just want to… not think about this, or talk about it over the phone." Caleb sounded tired. I didn't like that he was tired.

My conversation with Courtney replayed in my mind. Tell him what you are sure of.

"What if—" I tampered down my nerves. "What if I told you that I'll miss you?"

Caleb didn't say anything for a few seconds. "You'll… you'll miss me?"

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "Yes. Of course. Only thing I'm sure of at the moment." I looked up then. Courtney was a few feet away, waving me over. "I'm sorry, Caleb. I have to go."

"No that's—yeah, that's fine. Liam?"

"Yeah?"

Caleb cleared his throat. "We're good. Really good." That was out of the blue, but it took a huge weight off my chest.

I breathed out. "Yeah, okay. Good."

"I'll talk to you soon. I see my parents now. Have fun at your shoot!" And then he hung up.

I resisted the urge to hide my face in my hands, settling with just leaning against the wall. Courtney was momentarily distracted by Olivia, so I just let myself calm down.

My phone vibrated in my hand.

From: Caleb Novak

I'll miss you too.