Tears and smile

As long as I can remember, I've been alone all my life. Not really alone, because I had families all around me. I have 5 brothers to be exact, had a mom and a dad ( both deceased). I had aunts, uncles, and cousins all over the places. I had friends that came and go, but in my heart I was always truly alone.

My mother use to always called me ugly and I remembered a story my aunt used to tell everyone - uncle Chung (that was my dad's name) always wanted a daughter but when he got his wish he got an ugly daughter. The only person that truly loved me unconditionally and without judgment was my dad. I renember once, I was crying over a childhood boy and he told me not to waste my tears. He said tears cost a lot of pain to make and not to waste it on things or people who did not deserve them. I realized now, he is right. In order to make tears, your heart has to hurt. I have been smiling through all my tears, smiling though my heart was breaking.

I was not pretty as a child, and but not the ugliest either. I was a skinny, dark, and flecked face kid. Boys didn't like me and girls hated me. No one really was my friend for long, just long enough until they made new friends. Then I was left behind and forgotten. But through all those heartache and tears, I was always smiling, laughing and made the most of my luck in life. If I didn't have bad luck , then I had no luck.

My mom past away when I was 16 years old from cancer and my dad from a stroke when I was 17. I basically had to grow up over night. I was the only girl in the family and all my brothers had wives and no place for me in their home. And so, I got a job, finish high school, and life begin again for me. Alone.