I want to live ...

Seth's thoughts hadn't been clear since the purification ceremony began, he was unable to tell how much time had passed, and he couldn't feel them removing the robe covering his naked body.

Maybe his head shut that memory down because it hurt him like hell…

Seth was so dizzy that everything was spinning around him. He felt like he was passing out. 

Blood slid along his weak body, beneath his clothes, and down to the floor…

The effects of the anesthetic started to fade, and shortly afterward, everything started to hurt!

A pathetic whine escaped from Seth's lips as he began to plead, " Please, mom… dad… Make it stop! I can feel everything… It hurts so much! I-I-I can't! Just make it stop!"

No one seemed to hear what he said except for the man causing his pain, and he chose to ignore him and complete his honorific work. 

Everything was so sticky and warm and soaked in red. 

The man leading the purification ceremony personified his role perfectly; he was wearing a black robe with red markings, most of them resembling satanic symbols he saw hundreds of times on conspiracy theories over the past decade online.

For a moment, Seth forgot the pain when he saw those shapes and symbols because he knew that this man or even the cult members didn't know what they truly meant; it was just for effect. His dad wasn't satanic… 

He was a maniac who worshipped only himself, and for that, he just enjoyed manipulating as many people as he considered stupid.

"Aaaaarrrgggghhh… Whatttt??? Aaahhhhh!!!"

Seth couldn't even formulate a sentence when the pain resumed.

This diabolic man must enjoy inflicting pain on him.

The only thing holding him up was an ancient chair beneath him.

His mind was going numb again; he felt drowsy. He couldn't think straight anymore.

He was too tired from screaming. The world looked distorted; he couldn't formulate concurrent thoughts. 

'I want to live… I want to live…' He thought deliriously, 'I am… I'm too scared...'

 He tried to turn his head, but it slumped against his shoulder, 'I don't want to die... I don't know… I want to live…'

He tried to speak, but the words wouldn't escape his mouth, 'Spare me… dad... mom… I'll believe anything you tell me to...' 

He struggled, trying to lift his head, but his body would not move, 'I will believe you even if you say that the earth is flat and it's the center of this universe if that's what you want!'

He didn't even know why he thought of that; because of his parents' cult, Seth was always drawn to conspiracy theories; he read about the flat earth years ago. He did not believe it at the time. Not because of scientific research but because to him, it sounded like a cult…

But now... In his final moments as a living being, he wanted to believe even that, just to ease the pain… a bit. 

'I will believe you even if…'

He couldn't think of anything now, no stabbing, no cutting of his pale skin, not the symbols drawn across his whole naked body…

Nothing…

No pain...

Nothing…

Seth noticed that the cutting had stopped, the pain, the eyes of eight thousand people that weighed upon his shoulders were gone, his parent's stares, that existence was gone …

He was dead.

He always thought that he would face death and win. Whenever he played survival games or read reincarnation novels, somehow, these materials always showed that people could cheat death so easily; all you needed was to have the desire to do so.

He thought to himself, 'Do I still want to live? No!' He answered himself immediately.

 His abusive, manipulative, disgusting parents put a stigma on his soul that would live with him forever.

'Why am I still able to think..? Am I conscious?' Seth was questioning what was happening to him; it wasn't normal. He couldn't feel a body attached to wherever he was.

'A soul!' That thought was terrifying, a soul with no body floating in 

nothingness, 'Where am I?' He was calm until that idea came to his mind.

'I am sure that I'm not dead; if I was dead, I wouldn't be able to discuss this with myself.' He pondered.

There was no sense of time; Seth wasn't sure how much time had passed since he started to think again; he knew that he wasn't dead and that the purification ceremony somehow was no longer happening, 'I don't want to live again… But I don't want to stay here forever...'

Forever seemed to be a long period of time, and if he stayed here until then, he would go crazy.

"You are beautiful, kind, and sweet; that's why I like you..." He remembered what Mina said after confessing her love to him.

She was shy when she said that; he certainly got his ego boost from that and even considered their future as a lovely couple in their high school, but he didn't give her the correct answer.

He rejected her when he snapped back to his senses because he felt too evil to be with an angelic girl like her.

Mina was a kind soul like him; she liked him for a long time and hid that because he never showed interest in anyone. He never dated a girl nor liked a boy.

He was too difficult to understand to her, but she pushed things toward him anyway.

She wanted to love him anyway, except Seth wasn't ready…

Now, he was glad that he rejected her... It would have hurt more if he had said yes. 

That was the only thing he didn't regret while trapped in this empty space, 'Am I here to atone for my sins?'

Seth couldn't clearly articulate his thoughts because his sense of time had deteriorated, 'I don't want to stay here!!! If I have to live again, then so be it… I'm done… Let me live… Just... Let me out!'

It's only natural for a human to think of something higher than them that it's controlling their fate.

And right now, the only way that Seth was picturing himself was begging this higher spirit to give him another chance or finish his existence. 

He wasn't even finished with his begging when he saw…

 A bright light shining in front of him …

Sunlight…

"Look! Look Johnathan!!! His eyes!! They're wide open!"