Chapter 5: Her Pain

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Five months. It's been nearly five months, since Azula started to learn with Zhan, getting to know him more. Four months and two weeks, since she had actually developed an interest at Hand-Combat at all. Since then, she could say she had gotten stronger, more than usual. Her firebending was stronger, her breathing control was beyond better, and her physique took a more athletic look to it. Azula could say, she didn't know if she should burn someone or break their face. She was lethal in any range now: long, short and close range.

However, she still wasn't strong enough, like Zhan, who could break someones bones. A nasty, yet very lethal skill in her opinion. But to her, for the first time, it seemed a bit much. Azula had seen the scarring on his back and a couple on his arms, giving her the realization: that, if she wanted to break something, she'll most likely break something of her's first. No. She'll do with breaking someone's nose or ribs.

Azula found out, besides his physical skills, he had some very interesting mental skills aswell. Obvious one being his metalworking and engineering; yet she found out, he had an interesting understanding on how to read people, he called duo-thinking, which she was trying to grasp.

"I still don't get it," said Azula, sitting.

"It's quite simple Azula, but you need a very open mind to use it," replied Zhan.

"Explain," she said.

"In a sense, it's like...well...why do you think a man joins the army?" said Zhan, trying to explain the subject to Azula.

"Out of duty," she replied immediately.

"Are you sure?" asks Zhan smiling. "Maybe it's because, he's forced to. By his hometown or people?"

Azula was stunned for a moment, she didn't realize a possibility that could exist.

"Why is it irrevelant?" she asked then.

"Because Azula. Knowing what for he joined: honor or forced. Can give you a good advantage," he said. "Say you're about to conquer an Earth village, which soldier would suit you better: the one who joined freely, to serve and maybe die? Or the one who got forced into service, and most likely will find some way to survive."

This explanation had completely left her speechless.

"As well, this can be used for a number of ways: how to engage an opponent, identify peoples reasons and so forth," he said, eyeing her.

"This has something to do with me?" asked Azula, picking up some hints.

"Yeah...kinda," he sighed.

"Like what?" she asked. How can she be imperfect?

"I've noticed you seem to hold an aura of fear, to yourself," said Zhan.

"Only through fear, can you make people follow you," she said the mantra fluently. "Or what do you think?"

"Yeah. But tell me something Azula. What if someone isn't afraid or doesn't fear you? What then?" he asked.

The gasping-open mouth was all Zhan needed; Azula was absolutely shocked, what she had heard...a few words short of a traitors tongue.

"I...I don't...," she tried to say, before getting angry. "Why do you care?!"

"Fear can bite back," he said, serious.

"How?" she asked, an eyebrow raising.

"People who fear you, are more likely to betray you," he said, his cheery attitude gone.

"No," she replied.

"You know it's true. With fear, people WILL eventually, look for a way to disentagle themselves."

"No!" she yelled, getting agitated.

"Why do you want to use fear? Is it because you like it or you just don't know how to speak with people?" he asked.

"SHUT UP!" she screamed out, smashing her fist into the pavement, holding her head down. Damn you...getting close to you...burn..damn you...da..

Her thoughts were stopped by Zhan, coming over to her and...hugging her?

Azula was an emotional wreck at the moment, and now this...she hasn't been hugged since...mother. Now she didn't know how to react, this was different from Ty Lee's bear-hugs or Mai's greetings. This was natural...and... caring?

"I'm sorry...if I upset you," he said, letting go of her. "You asked me to train you, to be stronger...and that's what I'm trying, I apologize, if I hurt you."

Azula sighed out, before speaking out. "I...don't know. My father himself taught me to be strong and feared. Petty emotions, caring, and understanding was a waste of time. I never spoke freely, I'm always alert. I'm the Crown Princess, I NEED to be tough and feared...otherwise..."

"I understand...but you don't need to wield fear all the time," he said.

"How can I not?" she asked.

"Treat your friends with respect and compassion...but let your enemies fear you," he said.

"Why should I?" asked Azula crumpy. "Fear is more useful."

"Simple," he said, grabing her hand, catching her attention, smiling at her. "Enemies dare not touch you. But those close to you," he said, whispering into her ear," will give their life to protect you."

'Agni, why does he get so mushi...and...why does he affect me so, and how can he read me like a book?" Azula thought confused, nauseous. 'Compassion? How can I? I'm the feared princess...prodigy...they...call me a monster...even my mother...thought I was one...how...how?"

"Azula," he said, lifting her downed head up. "Your not a monster."

"I am," replied Azula, her voice trembling.

"No you aren't," he said, wraping her into another hug. That's when the typical, in-control, feared Azula lost it. Former repressed emotions set loose, she did something she hadn't in almost ten years...she cried.

Crying...was that an forgotten concept to her. An act, she would likely get reimparted by her father. But she couldn't stop anymore, the pain she had buried deep, was let loose. Yet he didn't criticize her, reimpart her...he just held her, soothed her, while she cried into his shoulder.

"There's nothing bad, about being strong. You're a beautiful Sun-Fire Lily, Azula," he whispered to her. "Wild, strong...beautiful. One of a kind. Don't let others hurt you."

"T-the-y...don't," she replied sobbing, lying weakly.

"Azula...you don't need to be always strong. You'll burn yourself out. Let someone take over your burden," he whispered to her.

"...I...I..." she tried to say, but couldn't. "...thank you...Zhan."

"Of course, Princess," he said, lifting her and carrying her, back to her Royal Chambers.

Luckily there weren't any servants in the hall, so Azula avoided the embarrasment of being carried in public.

Zhan, arriving in her room, set her down on the bed, tucking her in. Being emotionally exhausted, Azula didn't resist much.

"Sleep Princess. You've earned a rest. I'll be here when you wake up," he said, taking a seat across from her, smiling at her, which Azula, for the first time, smiled back.

'Is this love...compassion...respect?' she thought, this turn of events confusing her. But...the pain...the one she had buried...deep down, it was gone. The love her mother didn't give her, the pain...it wasn't there. She peeked at Zhan for a moment: his golden locks, that goofy smile, ash-gray eyes. 'Why does he care about me?'

Azula took a final glance at him, guess it was true. About what people, books and stories tell: love is confusing.

Then, for the first time, since ten years ago. Azula, prodigy and Crown Princess could say that, this sleep would be the calmest she had in ages.

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