Gratitude

Kurenai, Konan, and Shizune have all cried and let out the suffocation stuffed down their throats and making them stifled to their very cores. The scent of filth and blood is replaced by that of moist soil and fresh weeds but it's unforgettable. The sight of a wide pool of blood, corpses, and huddled slaves is replaced by lush bushes and trees, not to mention their Sensei happily chewing on a piece of jerky but once again, it's hard to forget where they were a few hours ago.

"You guys aren't hungry?" Kai questions in between eating dinner as the trio lower their heads. The thought of food made their stomachs churn.

Audibly gulping down the moment she felt that she would throw up, Kurenai tries to distract herself by questioning, "Sensei... the slavers said that there are other enemies—"

"Shinobi of Iwagakure. Three genins and a half-baked Jonin," Kai nods, "I killed them. Congratulations on completing your first A-ranked mission."

But this failed to comfort the trio in any manner. They have heard other Shinobi throwing the words 'kill', 'murder', and 'assassination.' Back then, they could not relate to the idea, really. To them, it was just that— words. But now when they heard their Sensei speak about how he killed the enemy shinobi, they could not relate... how it's so easy for him.

Unlike Kurenai and holding a strange form of indignance that even she could not explain the origin of, Konan questions in a quiet tone. Although they are sitting in a small clearing, Kai does not light a fire, and a sense of gloominess covers them under the pale glow of moonlight.

"Did we make you proud, Sensei?"

It's hard not to notice the dark sarcasm hidden in the usual blue cinnamon's words but easily stepping over it, Kai snickers, "What good would making me proud do to you? The real question is, are you proud of yourself?"

Konan locks her gaze with Kai as he further explains, something he doesn't do for others easily but then again, he is the Sensei. He willingly took this role and would be the damn best in it. Not like a certain, busty sensei who groomed her best talent to eat her out... technically speaking.

"You would be faced with the choice of killing or sparing eventually. You chose to end someone's life. Tell me... are you proud?"

"We didn't have a choice!"

"Everyone has a choice. You choose. And then you face the consequences of your decision no matter the intensity and the magnitude of these consequences. You felt that I want you to kill in this mission. You made a choice accordingly. For that tough decision, you have my respect."

"And if we didn't kill... would you have stopped being our Sensei?" Shizune questions. There is only one thing they wanted to know at this point but Kai exhales a soft sigh, "No, I would not."

Their eyes widen, "I would teach you accordingly. I would teach you the ways of surviving as you try to risk your life by leaving your enemies alive."

"Then what we did was meaningless... we chose to be killers... we ARE killers..." Konan comes to a chilling realization but this makes Kai chuckle.

"Why are you categorizing human life on such a pedestal? Is a butchered pig not life as valuable as a human's? Comparing a pig and a human is not to make what you did any easier on you three. Just that this time you three did the task with your hands."

Leaning forward, Kai waves the packet of jerky, "I'm eating this. Does it make me any different than someone who commits the worst sins known to man? We can be arrogant and surely think that ONLY killing another human makes us killers... but death is equal to all. A pig's life is the same as a human's."

After a few minutes of silence, Konan scoffs, "This doesn't make me feel any better at all..."

"Sensei?" Shizune questions, "What... is the consequence of us killing our enemies?"

"You become part of the fair game," Kai replies, "Now you have accomplished this task with your own hands... the last shred of innocence you felt you had has been impaled through. You have killed. You must always be prepared to be on the other side of this act. Because if you die... it will no longer be unfair even in your eyes. Never forget that."

"And if I become the strongest?" Konan frowns.

"Strength is only relative to others," Kai shrugs, "The more you learn, the smaller you will feel. And to become the strongest, you will face the strongest killers in the world."

"How... do you know all of this, Sensei?" Kurenai questions and supplants, "You're... 15 this year, right? I have read that Hashirama Senju was also a young talent and many shinobi develop early... but what you said about the life and death of every species being the same... did Tsunade Senju teach you that?"

Kai holds a moment of silence. Recalling his past... Kai smiles and replies, "Sensei did not teach me that. One of the benefits of pure rationality is that your views are no longer clouded by emotions. But... discarding emotions is just the stupidest thing I feel I can do and let me tell you, being a father before touching the age of 18 is also on the table so that's how stupid it really is. But... it has its uses."

"So we discard our emotions?" Kurenai asks.

"Did you not hear me say it's the stupidest thing? What are you without your morality? Just a beast waiting to be put down."

Kurenai lowers her head.

"What now? You said that the consequence of killing is being part of the fair game... would you teach us any differently?"

"Indeed I will," Kai nods at Konan, "I will teach you what's useful to you. Before that, do the three of you still want to be on the same team?"

His question comes as a surprise and he continues, "The three of you are willingly choosing to be your worst selves. Kurenai, you choose to be the perfect student when you understand that getting the right answers mean nothing anymore— only survival does. Konan, you choose to keep up the facade of smugness and annoyance just to keep your distance from the two of them, fearing that unnecessary attachment will only get you hurt."

Looking at Shizune, Kai muses, "And you just try to keep in your shell just because of the thought of failure."

To be honest, Kurenai and Konan were a little afraid that Shizune would bring up the request to switch teams but they never thought that Kai would be the one to breach the topic as he clears their shock by giving the reason for his suggestion, "Don't look so surprised now. Kurenai and Konan, you two constantly try to undermine each other. What good is it for me to continue teaching you? Rivalry sounds cute when you are in the academy, not when you will take on missions that risk your lives. And Shizune, why would I want to invest in you when you choose not to make the best use of your training?"

The trio comes to a belated realization that THIS too is the consequence of their own doing.

"I'm sorry..." Shizune is the first to speak.

"No, it's not Shizune's fault," Kurenai speaks up only for Konan to mutter, "Got that right."

Feeling Kai's and others' stare, Konan raises her head, "I want to be in this team. Kurenai and Shizune are the only ones I feel I can work with after months of training. Others from the same batch including Rin, Obito, Asuma, and Guy... are just a little too weak-minded."

Kai would agree if Konan did not include Guy but who is he to correct her now?

'Like anyone would believe me saying Guy's a beast... especially the way his tenketsu are arranged,' He smirks internally.

"I think... I can work with Konan and Shizune, too..." Kurenai musters and they both direct their gazes at Shizune. Again, her outburst from the pressure of killing someone had long gone. Though still feeling a sense of guilt bubbling within, Shizune takes a moment and nods, "I think we make a good... team."

"I see," Kai smiles, "A word of advice before we return to the village. Remember that we are no saviors. Killing some innocent won't save them or you. It would kill them and leave you with more remorse."

Konan bites her lower lip, "She had nothing to live for—"

"She has a life to live," Kai teaches, "And you almost took it under the assumption you were granting her a favor. How could any of us possibly know what life has in store for her?"

This makes Konan frown in thought.

"So... all of us are just bad people," Shizune whispers.

For all Kai taught them tonight, he refrains from clearing it for them that the world was never black and white. It's just one giant grey blotch.

"You have to be 'bad' to live. Because the other option is to remain weak."

"That's not what she means," Kurenai purses her lips.

"No, that's what you need to eventually realize. Of course, I will say that you won't be 'bad' in everyone's eyes. Your enemies will think you're bad. Your friends will think you guys are good. I..."

Kai grows silent and then just stops speaking.

"You what, Sensei?" Konan huffs.

"I think you're just... too weak, you know? When we return, I'm adding wrist and ankle weights. Even weighted mesh shirts!"

The trio's expression drops and Kurenai complains, "You promised that after our first C-ranked mission, you will teach us more about nin and genjutsu! We completed an A-Ranked mission!"

"Pfft, I completed an A-ranked mission. What you did is play into my hand because I LIED! Hehehehe!"

Now knowing betrayal always come from those close to you, Konan feels despondent and mutters, "Should have seen this coming."

"I'm... hungry?!" Shizune gasps in surprise only for the remaining duo to realize that they have been feeling famished for some time now.

"Beef Jerky?" Kai offers and the trio falls silent. They recall what Kai said about eating other things, no... other beings and they fall their rousing emotions falter once again until Shizune quietly reaches out for one and slowly begins to chew on it as choked sobs begin to whimper out of her.

"Thank... Thank you..." Shizune couldn't help but speak as she felt an incredible sense of gratitude. To her food? To her Sensei? To her teammates? To herself?

She didn't know so she kept muttering while eating as Konan and Kurenai's eyes redden, too, and they eat silently in their own choked sobs.

"Damn, does it taste that bad? I thought it was good," Kai hums and shakes his head, "I have to train you three even harder until you realize how to be grateful for every meal."

And this turns the choked sobs into loud wails filled with hurtful, child-slaving accusations... hurled from one group of children to another... 'minor.'

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Alternate Title: Ungrateful Bunch

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A/N: Please don't view life the way Kai does, lol. He's a psycho but our protag so we're stuck with him with our hopes of eventual smut.

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