35. Chapter 35

MAYA’S POV

Carina was keeping her promise and as the days went by even when I tried to make excuses not to see her so that I could isolate myself to lick my own wounds she always managed to convince me that being alone was not the best thing at that moment - and as usual, she was right because being with her quieted the voices in my head that tried to validate all the horrible words I had been told the day I ran into Lane.

It was even easier to give in to Carina's mischievous voice when she promised me a delicious dinner and cuddles in bed at the end of a tiring day at work because it was her gestures that reminded me of all the love I had in my life at that moment and it was inside her embrace that I most recognized myself, most felt myself - at least the real and most present version of myself, the Maya that I considered strong and decisive, brave and, above all, the Maya that was hopelessly in love with Carina DeLuca.

It was no longer so frightening to confront this thought in my head, there was no longer any doubt inside me that Carina was the one, and that was why her words were still engraved in my mind and repeating them in my head caused the same sensation I felt the moment I heard them in my bed nights ago.

So, you will have me forever because I want to spend my life with you Maya Bishop.

She had had the courage that I hadn't, Carina had spoken aloud the certainty that already dwelt in my heart. I wanted Carina in my life forever.

I just know that I will never love someone the same way, with the same intensity, that I love you.

And somehow it was easy to believe her words because her eyes conveyed that very feeling to me, the way she touched my face, giggled against my ear while cuddled up in bed, or the way she entwined her legs in mine so she could tuck her feet under my calves for warmth, the way she rubbed her nose against mine whenever she sought a more intimate moment, all of this, each one of these things, attested and proved her love.

And God, how I loved that woman, how I wanted every one of my glances, every one of my touches, every one of my kisses, to convey to her the same truth that she conveyed to me.

And all I wanted at that moment was to continue curled up in the sheets, feeling the skin of her back against my front as I hugged her, holding her close to me as I stuck my nose in her hair smelling her shampoo, but my alarm clock had rung more than five minutes ago, and I definitely needed to get up for work.

-Good morning. - I whispered, not sure if she was awake, but from the way her back moved rhythmically against my front and knowing how much Carina liked to sleep I knew that my alarm clock had not created enough disturbance to wake her up.

I kissed her shoulder twice and squirmed out of bed, grunting as I felt the chill of the early morning hours against my bare skin, and this only motivated me to run to the bathroom to seek the hot water. Once I was ready, I went back to the bedroom, put on one of my clothes that I had brought earlier in the week to Carina's house and looking inside her closet caused a tugging in my chest because it only reminded me of my own cowardice.

-Carina, baby. - I whispered against her ear, kissing it tenderly then. I hated waking her up, but she made me promise that I would never leave the house without letting her know because she just hated waking up and realizing that I had left the house without kissing her, even though I repeated a million times that I had indeed kissed her before I left her house. - I'm going to work, okay?

-All right, be careful! - She mumbled the words quite sleepily, turned over and pouted, and I smiled openly as my heart fluttered like a teenager, sealed our lips together for a few moments, pulled away for a few seconds, and kissed her again. - I love you, come back to me.

-I'll try my best! - I whispered as I always did and took the hardest steps I would take that day, the ones that would take me away from Carina with the painful certainty that I wouldn't see her at the end of the day since she would get home from work earlier than I would and she would probably go straight home while I would finish my shift the next morning and go to my apartment.

My strangely too empty apartment.

On the way to work it was inevitable not to think about how I wished I could spend all my days sleeping and waking up next to Carina, but at the same time there was an irrational - or rather, quite rational - fear inside me that prevented me from thinking more about it. This fear had only been reawakened by the reunion with my father; his words reminded me of how horrible the years I spent under his roof were, how he yelled all the time, how he always wanted things his way, how my mother suffered for years and years with his verbal abuse when something happened differently than he had predicted, and I was afraid.

I was afraid to be like him.

I was afraid because I knew how controlling I could be, and how sharing my space with another person was never something organic and easy for me, and it would kill me if I ended up hurting Carina's feelings if I was selfish enough to ask her to move in with me and become the same monster that my father was to my mother.

-Good morning, Captain! - Ben smiled at me as I walked through the station entrance.

-Morning, Warren, have you seen Andy? - I asked as I slung my backpack over one of my shoulders.

-Upstairs with the rest of the guys, do you want me to call her?

-Yes, please. - I gave him a small smile. - Have her come to my office as soon as possible.

I walked to my office and was soon dropping my backpack at the foot of my bunk bed as I stripped out of my civilian clothes and grabbed a uniform that was carefully ironed and folded in one of the dresser drawers. I heard the knocking against the office door not long after.

-Come in! - I shouted as I buttoned my shirt.

-You wanted to see me, Captain? - Andy spoke up from outside and I walked awkwardly out of the bunk as I tucked my uniform shirt into my pants.

-I need to be dark and messy or I think I will go crazy! - The words came out of my mouth much faster than I expected.

-Oh, okay! So not Captain, just Maya. - My friend's brows arched in surprise at my words, but when I quickly nodded a few times, she cracked a small smile. - Go ahead, I'm in dark and messy mode.

-You're the person who knows the most about my father, about how horrible he was to me, to my mother, to my brother, you know how I was, how I am, so much like him and I... - I took a deep breath, feeling the pressure in my chest decrease as the words flew out of my mouth. - God, I love Carina, and I think she is good for me, and I live and breathe for that woman, and I hate not being with her all the time...

-Then why don't you ask her to move in with you? - Andy creased her forehead at me and crossed her arms.

-Didn't you hear what I just said? - I asked back, rolling my eyes, and zipping up my pants.

-I did, I just don't understand what your father has to do with you asking Carina to move in with you. - Andy shrugged before continuing. - You're wrong, you are not like your father, you are your own person and let me tell you a much better person than he will ever be, even before Carina, even before therapy, you could never be like him. I know you're afraid to act like him, but it's precisely this fear that will keep you from coming close to being the monster he is. Well, that, and a very sassy Italian.

-What if I hurt her, Andy? I would never forgive myself if that happened. - I confessed, feeling my throat a little drier and my chest already a little tighter at the mere thought.

-Maya, look at me. - And it was only when Andy said so that I realized that I was no longer looking at her face, but rather staring at my feet as fear and trepidation made me cringe. When I lifted my face, her intense brown eyes locked onto mine. - You must stop thinking that for your relationship to last it has to be perfect. No relationship is. You are going to hurt her, and she is going to hurt you, it's not ideal, but one day it will happen because you are two different people. Don't be so hard on yourself. Disagreeing with Carina or having a fight with her won't turn you into her father.

-I... - The words got stuck in my throat, so I closed my eyes and tried to remember Dr. Lewis's words; she always asked me to try to focus on the one thought that spoke the loudest, that managed to drown out all the others, that was demanding the most from me emotionally, psychologically, that was draining me the most. - I am afraid to get even more attached to Carina, I am afraid to ask her to move in with me, to love her more every day and then have her leave me in the future. Things would be much more complicated after a breakup if we were living together.

-So, you're finding ways to sabotage your present, the feelings and desires you have today, with a remote future possibility? - When Andy put it this way I felt like an insecure child, but that was precisely what I was doing, and my lack of response was all the answer she needed. - I have never seen a more in love than Carina, Maya. You say you live and breathe for that woman, and I really believe that, but you should see the way she looks at you when you're not looking, or how she just opens the most beautiful smile when she hears your voice, it's actually kind of gross the way you two are acting like two love birds, but secretly it's adorable. If, big if, you ever split up in the future, this love that you have for each other still deserves to be lived to the fullest in the present, don't you think? You've spent ten years of your life dreaming about each other, allow yourself to live with the great love of your life, allow yourself to be happy Maya. You deserve it.

-Do I? - The question came out as a whisper, and Andy pressed her lips together before nodding a few times and then smiling at me.

-You do, more than anyone I know. - She then took a few steps toward me. - You know what time it is.

-No! -I tried to take a few steps back, but my body was soon pressed against my desk.

-Hug time! - Andy sang the words before tightening her arms around my shoulders and pulling me close to her body in a tight embrace.

-I hate hug time. - I mumbled in displeasure but placed my hands in the middle of her back.

-You love hug time. - She spoke back immediately, laughing and squeezing me even tighter.

She looked beautiful.

The way her hair flew wildly behind her coat-covered body and the way she looked down as she leaned bravely on the Ferry's railing bravely facing the cold wind reminded me of the very first time I saw her almost eleven years ago. Her elegant manner had caught my attention in the past and still makes my heart flutter to this day, the way she shook her head to free her face from the unruly strands was incredibly inviting and soon my feet were leading me to the woman.

I slipped my hands around her waist, tightening my arms around her torso, seeking the comfort that only her body could provide, and soon her hands were on mine, closing around my wrists as I felt her muscles relax and Carina leaned against me, turning her face sideways in a silent request that was soon answered.

My mouth was on hers before any words were spoken, both cold and a little parched from the cold wind, but soon they were moist and warm with the intimate contact of our tongues. I opened my lips, deepening the kiss as I wrapped my arms more tightly around the woman, a sigh escaped her lungs, and I felt exhilarated, as if I was finally getting a dose of the drug I was so addicted to.

-I missed you. - Her whisper was low, her face still so close that her lips brushed against mine as she spoke the words. - So much so that I woke up early on a Sunday so I could see you.

-I'm feeling pretty important to have you wake up early on a Sunday to come see me, Dr. DeLuca. - I teased her and gave her a quick kiss before pulling away again, but soon felt Carina's nose against mine and gave in to the gesture, closing my eyes and moving my face up and down just as she did to get more of that touch that was ours alone. - I missed you too, very much.

-I hate that you're having to pick up extra shifts this week. - I felt her lips on mine again before I could respond. Carina spun around still in my embrace, her hair flying around my face because of the wind, but that didn't matter, what mattered was how good it felt to be wrapped in her arms again.

-I hate it too, but 23 had problems with one of their trucks so they are only working with their aid car these last few days, we are covering most of their calls. - Carina kissed my forehead and pulled me into a real hug; soon I had my nose against her neck and couldn't hide my contentment expressed through a low moan as I inhaled her perfume deeply. - You smell great! I missed smelling you.

-I missed smelling you too. - She spoke back and let out a low laugh. - How are you? You look tired. Are you getting enough sleep?

-No. -There was no point in lying when the dark circles under my eyes indicated my lack of sleep over the past few days.

-Because of work, or... - Carina stopped mid-sentence, but I knew what she wanted to ask me, and when I pulled away so I could look at her face I saw the concern on it. She could be beautiful even when her eyebrows were frowned upon and slightly arched, giving me those puppy eyes - her most powerful weapon to make me open my heart to her.

-I still think about that day, about everything that happened, about everything he told me. Sometimes when things are quiet and there are no tasks to be done, no reports to be filled out, I have enough time to ask myself if I really am a good person, if I really have any value... - I felt ashamed to be confessing this kind of thing, I felt as if I was sabotaging myself by allowing these dysfunctional thoughts to occupy my mind even after days and more days of conversations with Dr. Lewis and Carina, but I couldn't lie.

-Bambina... - Carina started to speak, but I sighed heavily and shook my head.

-I know what you're going to say, and I agree with you, but I can't help it, the thoughts come into my mind even when I try to keep them away and when that happens, I have to run, I have to run so that I don't think about anything but keeping my body going, which means even fewer hours of sleep for me. - Carina opened her mouth a few times to answer me, but no words came out. It was as if she was formulating the best answer as her eyes roamed over my face; her hands went up to my cheeks, her thumbs going back and forth over the area, and I was able to relax a little bit more with her gentle touch.

-How can I help? - She asked, when she finally spoke up.

-I thought you were going to scold me. - I confessed, laughing nervously, tilting my face sideways toward her touch.

-Me too. - She laughed along with me. - But that's not what you need right now.

-Thank you. - My heart raced faster in my chest, and I felt a chill in my gut as my stomach churned and I could almost feel the oxytocin coursing through my veins in response to all the love I was feeling at that moment.

-So, how can I help? - Carina asked again, with a small smile on her lips.

-Well, tonight I am leaving the station at midnight, way too late, but how about you make lasagna bolognese for me tomorrow night? I'm sure that will help a lot. - I gave her a mischievous smile and Carina rolled her eyes before laughing.

-I'll think about it.

-Is that a yes? - I asked, arching my eyebrows, still smiling.

-That's a "I'll think about it”.

Between trying not to think about my father and all the questions and insecurities that surrounded my mind regarding Carina and the next steps in our relationship I was completely exhausted. My eyes kept searching for my watch, but the minutes seemed to drag on purpose and I simply didn't know if I wanted the siren to sound so that we could get some action and I could be distracted or if I wanted the silence to continue to reign in the station so that I could at least relax the muscles of my body lying in bed even though my mind was going a thousand miles an hour.

My phone vibrated beside me on the bed, and I turned on my side as I rubbed my hands across the mattress in search of the device.

"Are you on a call?"

I creased my forehead at the message from Carina because it was after eleven o'clock at night and usually, she’d be asleep by now - this is something about Carina, she likes to sleep.

"No, I'm at the station, did something happen?"

"I just miss you"

A small smile appeared on my lips because it didn't matter that I had seen her earlier at the Ferry, any time spent away from Carina was enough to make me miss her too.

"Me too, baby."

"Have dinner with me?"

"It's past dinner time. Aren't you going to sleep? Why are you up anyway?"

Carina sent me a picture next and when the file finally loaded the small smile on my lips widened and again, I could almost feel the oxytocin in my veins. In the photo I could see a platter of lasagna bolognese, a bottle of wine and two glasses on Carina's dining table.

"Have dinner with me?"

"You shouldn't have gone to all this trouble, Car! But of course, I'll have dinner with you. Thank you for doing that."

"I love you and I miss being with you for a longer time than the Ferry's round-trip crossing, so it's no trouble at all and you're welcome! I'll be waiting for you! Come back to me!"

"I'll try my best."

And now looking up at the ceiling with a silly, in-love-smile on my face I was more and more sure that I wanted Carina in my life each and every single day, that I wanted to on a daily basis feel the excitement that it was to end my shift knowing that I was going to meet that woman. I was feeling brave tonight and the certainty I had at this moment convinced me to try to talk to Carina about this tonight.

The minutes dragged on and now that there were only ten minutes left before I could leave, I closed my eyes and hoped with all my strength that the siren would not sound. The station was silent except for Jack and Travis's animated conversation upstairs about some baseball game that was playing, and my muscles tensed as I followed the movement of the clock hand on the wall.

-I need sleep! - Andy complained as she came down the stairs. - Oh, you're ready to go.

-Carina's waiting for me so we can have dinner together. - I confessed with a proud smile on my face.

-Isn't it a little late for dinner? - Andy creased her forehead, pulling her uniform shirt out of her pants before beginning to undo the snap buttons, leaving her undershirt visible.

-It's not too late for dinner when there's a lasagna bolognese and a bottle of wine waiting for me. - I shrugged and smiled. - Oh, and also a very beautiful, very sexy Italian woman.

-Am I invited to dinner? I could eat... - Andy laughed and I rolled my eyes. - I'm just kidding, I don't want to be around the two of you when you're referring to Carina as a "very beautiful, very sexy, Italian woman," that means sex and I already know how loud you two can be.

-I hope you're right about all the loud sex I'm about to have tonight. I miss Carina. - I sighed heavily, once again looked at the clock hands and only two minutes still kept me at the station.

-So tonight is the night?

-For me to have very loud sex? - I creased my forehead at my friend's question and Andy let out a loud laugh.

-No! For you to tell her that you want you two to move in together. - Andy rolled her eyes as if she were stating something obvious.

-Oh. - That's all I could say.

-Won't you talk to her about it?

-I thought about it, I feel like doing it tonight, but I don't know if it's the right time. - I nervously pulled at the strap of the backpack that was already on my shoulder and looked away from Andy, trying to avoid the intensity of her gaze.

-There is no ideal moment, just do it already! - My friend snorted. - Stop making excuses to postpone your happiness, I'm sure everything will be fine.

-What if it isn't? Maybe she's not ready for that yet...

-And if she isn't, it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you as much as you love her, it just means that you'll have to wait a little longer. I know that feelings make things more complicated, but I'm pretty confident that you'll get a positive answer, just have a little faith.

-A little faith. - I sighed and nodded. - You're right, I'll never know if I don't ask!

-That's my girl! - Andy laughed and I rolled my eyes yet again. - Midnight, get out of here to meet that very beautiful, very sexy, Italian woman.

-You're not supposed to say that! - I pointed an accusing finger at her but kept a smile on my lips. - But I'll let it slide today since you helped me build up the courage to talk to her.

-You know what time it is!

-No! Absolutely not! No hug time. - I hurriedly took steps toward the door and heard Andy run after me, making me run too.

-You love hug time! - She shouted as I laughed and ran to my car.

-I hate hug time! - I shouted back as I got into the car.

During the drive my eyes scanned the stores that were still open despite the late hour, there were no flower stores, so a grocery store would have to suffice. I made a quick stop and a few minutes later I was jumping out of the car and taking hurried steps to the front door; three quick knocks were given against the wood and the sound of Carina's voice from inside made me smile openly.

-Ciao, bambina! - The woman in front of me had loose hair falling down her shoulders, the soft curls were a harmonious mess that framed her beautiful face in a mixture of sensuality and sweetness; Carina was wearing a thin, short black and lacy nightgown that allowed me to see the outline of her nipples and a bit of the panties she was wearing, and although I was finding it odd that my girlfriend was wearing so little clothing at night when she felt cold the most, I was definitely not complaining. - Maya?

-Uh? - It was only when my name was spoken that I realized my eyes were traversing every inch of her body except her face. -I'm... You are... I'm sorry... Hello. Hi Car, you look breathtaking.

-Oh, this old thing? - Carina teased me, then laughed, and my cheeks burned with the blood that had gathered in them. - What is that?

-Oh, I tried to buy flowers, but there were no flower shops open, so I guess blueberry jam is the closest thing to a romantic gesture I can come up with. - I bit my lower lip unsurely as I looked at the glass jar in my hands.

-You're something else, Maya Bishop. - She laughed and leaned forward, placing a tender kiss on my cheek before pulling away and taking the glass jar from my hands. - I loved it. Now come in, I'm freezing.

-Given the fact that you're much less dressed than usual, this is not surprising. - I followed her into the house, closing the door behind me, and when I turned around Carina had one eyebrow arched in my direction. - But I'm not complaining! I'm definitely not complaining!

-That's what I thought. - She turned and placed the jar of jam on the kitchen counter as I approached.

When I was finally close enough to press my front against her back, I put one of my hands on her waist while taking the other to her hair to pull it aside so that I could run my nose along the curve of her bare shoulder. Carina sighed heavily in response to the intimate touch, and I closed my fingers more intensely against her flesh before pulling her toward me feeling my nipples become painfully hard against the fabric of my bra.

-You smell so good. - I whispered against her shoulder before planting a kiss there.

-You have a thing for the way I smell. - She replied in the same tone, one of her hands going to the back of my neck and soon her fingers were in my hair. The scratch of her fingernails against my scalp caused a shiver to run through my body, and I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from groaning.

-I do, I really do. - I confessed and kissed her shoulder again, this time closer to her neck. I exposed my teeth and brushed them against her skin in a clear tease. - I have a thing for every detail of your body. How you smell, how soft you are...

As if to prove my point, I brought the hand that wasn't on her waist to the hem of her sexy nightgown and moved my fingers up and down her thigh before gripping it and Carina gasped softly.

-How responsive you are. - I continued to speak, now with my lips pressed against her ear, loving the way I could feel that her breathing was already a little more labored and how I could see her eyes tightly closed as she enjoyed my caress. I continued whispering then. - Everything about you is so perfect, baby. I love you. And you know what else I love?

-What? - She gasped the question, tilting her head to the side as she felt more of my kisses against the base of her neck.

-Your lasagna! Where is it? - I asked in my normal tone of voice as I abruptly turned away from Carina and looked around the kitchen. When Carina turned toward me her eyes were wide open and her lips were parted in shock and I pressed my lips firmly together to hold back my laughter but was not very successful in doing so and soon I was having a fit of laughter under my girlfriend's outraged expression.

-Oh, you'll pay for that Maya Bishop! - She pointed an accusing finger in my direction.

-I don't know what you're talking about! - I tried to control my laughter as I took off the jacket I was wearing and hung it behind one of the chairs at the dining table.

-Can I at least get a kiss? - Carina asked walking toward me with a provocative smile on her lips, her teeth brushing against her lower lip for a millisecond in one of the sexiest gestures I had ever seen, and I clenched my fists to try to control myself.

-With you dressed like that? I don't think that's a good idea. - I confessed, but soon Carina's hands were on my shoulders, trailing down my arms until her long fingers closed around my biceps and I flexed them knowing the effect my body, more precisely my muscles, had on the Italian. The way Carina licked her lips as she rubbed her fingers along the curves of my triceps should be a crime.

-Please? - Her eyes were intense on mine, the teasing little smile wouldn't leave her lips, and the urge to carry her, pin her against the table, and take her right there was almost overwhelming. - Just a little one.

-A little one. - I agreed and tilted my face, but Carina pulled hers back in a teasing game. I smiled and tried once again to capture her lips, but she smiled again and moved her face a little to the side while keeping her eyes fixed on mine. On the third advance I felt her teeth against my lower lip in a delicious bite and a second later my eyes rolled back as Carina sucked it into her mouth, her tongue immediately touching my lip, and I moaned softly in response to the warm, wet contact. Carina released my lip with a 'pop' and glued our lips together for a split second.

-Just a little one. - That was the last thing she said before she pulled away and the middle of my legs burned and begged for attention, but I knew I wouldn't have a way to fix the insistent throbbing of my clit until after dinner.

-You're mean, Carina. - I accused her, squinting my eyes.

-Me? -She pointed her finger at the middle of her chest, giving me her best version of an innocent look. - I'm trying to fill your belly, since you love my lasagna and you're so hungry.

-Oh, I'm hungry alright! - I smiled provocatively at my girlfriend.

-Be a good girl and maybe you'll get some dessert. - She winked at me. - Now open the wine!

-I like it when you get all bossy! - I teased again and Carina laughed out loud, the way her laughter came out in broken breaths just making me think about how adorable she was.

-You do, uh? - She asked as she leaned her body forward, arching her butt in my direction as she opened the oven and pulled the lasagna platter out of it.

The sight of her nightgown rising with her leaning forward, letting me get a glimpse of the beginning of the curve of her ass and the entire back of her thighs made my mouth go dry in anticipation at the same time that my heart raced in my chest, and I could feel each beat in between my legs. Carina stood upright again just as quickly as she leaned over, she turned toward me, and I wasn't able to cover up in time the way I stared at her body and soon my cheeks gave away all my embarrassment.

-Do you like what you see, bambina?

-Meh, it's okay. - I shrugged and laughed, trying to draw her attention away from my flushed cheeks and Carina's wide mouth made me laugh even louder.

-Okay, no dessert for you! - She rolled her eyes and put the lasagna on the table.

I walked over to Carina, but when she saw me approaching, she quickly turned to run away from me; I closed my fingers around her wrist and pulled her firmly to me, her body pressed against mine seconds later, her face inches from mine as I stared into her eyes.

-You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life, to say that I like what I see is an understatement, Dr. DeLuca. - I didn't even blink as I spoke my words and didn't wait for an answer from her, I just attacked her mouth with hunger, passion and desire. I didn't care about dinner anymore, all I wanted to taste was the sweet taste of her tongue as it danced with mine.

-Dinner! - Carina spoke between labored breaths when she interrupted the kiss.

-Dessert later?

-If you behave. - She laughed softly, still trying to control her breathing. I brought one of my hands up to her face and brushed away the strands of hair that had fallen over her eyes.

-You know I can't make any promises. - I joked, but this time I tilted my face and kissed the tip of her nose fondly before moving my mouth to her right cheek.

-But you can try.

-That I can do. - I smiled and begrudgingly took a step back.

Once the bottle of wine was open, I poured two large glasses for myself and Carina - I think we both need a good, relaxing, moment - and after putting two large pieces of lasagna on my plate amidst Carina's low chuckle we began to eat.

-This is delicious! - I said with my mouth partially full. - Thank you!

-You're welcome, bambina! Seeing you eating and praising my food warms my heart. - Carina gave me a sweet smile before taking a bite of her own food. - How was work?

-Ugh, exhausting! - I grunted and sipped my wine.

-But tomorrow you have the day off, right? - She asked, and her tone was almost anxious, as if she was nervous about my answer.

-Theoretically yes, but because of the shortage of 23 we could all be called up in case of a three-alarm fire.  - As I went on, I saw her eyes losing some of their sparkle and my heart ached in solidarity because I also hated the uncertainty and unpredictability of my job sometimes. - I know it's not ideal, but maybe we'll have a good day, with no major incidents and I'll be able to spend the whole day with you.

-Maybe we'll have a good day... - Carina gave me a small smile, but it widened when I stretched out my hand over the table and intertwined our fingers.

-How was your day? - I asked back.

-Oh, you know, a lot of deliveries, no c-sections today so I didn't have to spend so much time on my feet. - Carina shrugged and drank from her wine, I mimicked her gesture next and then went back to eating. - Andrea is not sleeping well, I am finding his mood much more sensitive to the stresses of everyday life, but he only thinks about studying and being the best resident.

-Well, he's not wrong in working hard to be the best. - The answer came out much more quickly than it should have, but as soon as I heard my own words, I raised my eyes to Carina, and she had one eyebrow raised in question in my direction. - Well, in a healthy way, I mean. He definitely needs sleep.

-Being competitive is really part of who you are, isn't it? - Carina laughed as she spoke, and the comment made my cheeks flush.

-Does that bother you? - Another bite, another sip of wine.

-Only when you're not taking good care of yourself. - Carina's answer made me take another big gulp of the wine. - But let's not talk or think about it now, I just want to enjoy your company, I missed having dinner with you and hearing about your day.

-Me too, Car. - I smiled at my girlfriend.

Dinner was filled with conversation and laughter, Carina updating me on the gossip that was circulating in the hospital and how Amelia continued to make indecent comments about her night with Gabriella weeks ago, and I told her about what was happening at the station, about Vic's mysterious boyfriend who had sent her flowers at work, and how Travis was about to have a heart attack because he didn't know who the lucky man who was winning Vic's heart was.

When the plates were cleared and the wine glasses emptied, more of the liquid was poured into our glasses before we went into her living room. Carina grabbed her phone, connected it to a speaker and soft music soon filled the room.

-This is just what I needed. - I confessed, sitting down on the sofa, and soon my girlfriend sat down beside me, turning her body so that it was facing me, her legs resting on my lap, and the hand that wasn't holding my glass soon moved up and down her calves in a delicate caress.

-Lasagna? - She asked, laughing, before drinking some more of her wine. Her cheeks were already as rosy as they usually got whenever there was alcohol in her system, and it was lovely, and I wondered if this was how Carina felt when she saw me blush.

-No, you. - I smiled shyly at my girlfriend. - You always know how to make me feel better, and I can never thank you enough for taking care of me.

-It's not a sacrifice to take care of you, vita mia, on the contrary, it's a pleasure. - Carina tilted her head to the side, her hair covering one of her rosy cheeks, her eyes sweet and ever so inviting. Looking at Carina refreshed my soul, gave my spirit a fresh breath after complicated weeks.

-These past weeks have been much harder than I expected, but having you around, having your love around, has made things easier. You can't always remind me of the person I am when I'm anxious and confused and full of bad thoughts in my mind but looking at you always reminds me of the woman I want to be. - I squeezed her calf more intensely, averting my eyes from hers as I felt my cheeks heat up as well as my chest. I had never been good with words, or at showing vulnerability, but Carina had changed so much inside me and today I could see that sometimes sharing what we feel allows us to live much more intensely whatever that feeling may be.

-Maya... - My name came out in a whisper, her eyes now shining much brighter than usual as some tears were gathered there. - Ti amo, bambina.

-Ti amo anch'io. - I love you too. - I said, smiling at Carina and leaning my body forward until I was close enough to her face to kiss her lips.

She had the fruity sweet taste of wine, her lips were warm and soft on mine, and soon I felt her free hand go to the back of my neck and I shivered when her fingers dug into my hair. I sighed with my lips still attached to hers and then she pulled away for a moment only to recapture my lips.

-Give me that. - Carina spoke before taking the glass from my hand and placing it on the coffee table along with her own.

I squirmed closer to my girlfriend as she sat back down on the couch, her legs again on my lap, but now my hand was gently grazing and squeezing her thigh as I gave myself over to her kiss again. This time Carina's hands were on the sides of my neck, her thumb going back and forth against my jawline, and it was easy to lose myself in her touch and let all thoughts disappear from my mind. I felt her warm, soft tongue against my upper lip and immediately opened my mouth to receive it, moaning in response to the intimate contact and feeling the middle of my legs heat up substantially with the mere deepening of the kiss.

That was the power Carina had over me.

I flexed my fingers against her thigh, turned my face sideways to fit our mouths better, and let Carina dominate the kiss as she continued to stroke my face. I bit her lower lip when the air ran out of my lungs, sucked it into my mouth and ran my tongue along it before letting it slide out slowly.

-Come here. - I whispered, our faces still close, our eyes still closed, but the way I squeezed Carina's leg pulling her to me was all the information she needed.

Soon the Italian was moving on the couch, her legs disappearing from my lap so that she could then straddle my lap. Her thin, sexy nightgown wrapped around her waist, my hands immediately moved up and down her bare thighs, and my eyes opened to take in the sight of having Carina straddling me at that moment.

-You are so beautiful. - I murmured and leaned my face forward to place kisses on her cleavage, exposed by the low cut of her nightgown. My mouth moved up and down her warm, soft skin, from her sternum to her cleavage and then back up again to meet one of her collarbones and the repetition of the movements soon caused Carina to sigh heavily, relaxing her body and now her entire weight was resting on my thighs. - God, I could spend my whole life just kissing every inch of your skin.

-I wouldn't mind that. - I felt the vibration of her chest against my mouth when she laughed, and I took advantage of my girlfriend's moment of distraction to run my tongue down her cleavage before gently biting at the curve of her right breast.

I moved my hands to her ass and squeezed it intensely as I pressed my teeth harder into her breast and Carina hissed in response to the combination of pain and pleasure. Her hands went to my hair as she arched her back offering herself to me, her fingers closed against the strands and the firm tug only urged me to continue my caresses.

-Please touch me, Maya. - Carina moaned the words, rolling her hips in search of some friction. I moved my mouth to the base of her neck and again nibbled at her skin. - I want you so much, bambina.

-Show me your breasts. - I mumbled the words, moving my kisses down to her cleavage again. Carina took her hands out of my hair and down to the hem of her nightgown, making an attempt to pull it up. - No, don't take it off, you look so beautiful in it.

I lifted my face and looked at hers, Carina licked her lips before kissing me intensely. Her tongue invaded my mouth at the first opportunity it got, and I tried not to think too much about how my center clenched against nothing or how I felt my wetness soak through my panties. I squeezed Carina's ass again making her moan into the kiss before pulling away to draw a deep breath through her mouth when she felt my nails digging against her skin.

The Italian stood upright on my lap again, pulling the straps of her gown down and giving me the glorious view of her breasts. My mouth automatically watered, and my sex pulsed in response.

-Give them to me. - My eyes remained fixed on her inviting areolas. Carina leaned her body forward and I immediately mouthed one of her brownish peaks, sucking it into my mouth, circling the hardened bud repeatedly with the tip of my tongue.

-Maya! - She moaned, once again her hips coming to life, only encouraging me to suck her harder. - Yes! Oh my God, yes!

I massaged her ass in a steady rhythm, releasing her nipple only to suck on its twin, earning more loud, gasping moans from Carina who kept arching her back and rolling onto my lap.

-I'm so close already. - She gasped, her chin resting on top of my head for a second before she lowered her face and kissed my forehead a few times.

-You're always so sensitive. - I murmured against her skin, her nipple slipping out of my mouth so that I could nibble on it with the hardness I knew drove Carina crazy. The moan she let out was loud and sensual and I wanted more of them. - It's like your body knows who it belongs to!

-Yes! - She gasped as another hard bite was given to her sensitive bud. I slipped one of my hands back to her thigh before slipping it between her legs; I moaned as loudly as Carina when I felt her hot, wet panties against my fingertips and it was simply impossible not to move my hand back and forth, torturously slow, rubbing the delicate fabric against her warm folds. - Fuck, Maya!

-To whom does your body belong? - I stared at her face in absolute admiration, the way her lips were ajar to release her heavy breathing, with her eyes firmly closed, the crease in the middle of her eyebrows that denoted her concentration on her pleasure, the small drops of sweat that sprang from her hairline, each of these details only confirmed my theory that no woman could ever compete with Carina's stunning beauty.

Carina didn't respond, I pressed my fingers harder against her folds as I rubbed them back and forth, feeling the hardened bulge of her clit against my fingertips and hearing Carina moan languidly as she arched her back toward my body at the same time her hips bucked against my hand.

-To whom does your body belong? - I repeated the question, now drawing slow circles on her bundle of nerves.

-To you!

-Good girl! - I licked one of her nipples before sucking it into my mouth again. I moved my fingers to her crotch, pulled her panties aside, and the first direct contact with her sensitive center drew a moan from me and a loud gasp from Carina. I moved my fingers back and forth between her swollen folds, rubbing her labia all the way to her entrance, circling it in a painful tease.

-Please, please. - She moaned, begged, and in response I slid two of my fingers slowly inside her. Carina's walls squeezed my fingers as I massaged them; I went as deep as I could and then withdrew from her again so that I could go around her clit. - No... No... Inside, please!

-Your tight pussy wants to be stretched by my fingers, baby? - I brought my fingers to her entrance again, teasing her once more.

-Yes, please! I need to feel you! - Carina pushed her hips toward my fingers and they slid inside her, once again being welcomed by her warmth, wetness, and firm tightness. - Maya! Yes, yes! Please fuck me!

-You are such a good and polite girl! - I squeezed her ass hard as I penetrated her deeply earning a loud moan in response. I started a rhythmic back and forth motion, the palm of my hand slapping against Carina's swollen and sensitive clit and the wet sound of the intimate contact only made it all the more arousing. - Damn, you're so tight!

-You feel so good, so good! - Carina rolled her hips faster, my fingers were moving in and out of her quickly, it was then that she began to meet my thrusts and when Carina began to ride my fingers, I certainly thought I was going to die.

-Yes baby, ride me! - I groaned, thrusting harder into her, eliciting louder moans, squeezing her ass more intensely, swinging my eyes between the pleasure stamped on her face and the rhythmic bouncing of her breasts in front of me. - So sexy, so hot!

-I'm close! I'm close! - Carina grabbed my shoulders and screamed when I kept my fingers deep inside her and rubbed my palm repeatedly over her clit. Her walls clenched hard around my fingers, her nails were about to tear blood from the skin of my shoulders, and all I cared about was making her reach her pleasure.

-Let go, baby! - I sucked a nipple into my mouth, curved my fingers inside her, and massaged her bundle of nerves again with the palm of my hand, and Carina cried out, arching her back, trembling under my touch, and cumming deliciously on my fingers.

-Fuck! - She moaned, and I continued to massage her walls with my curved fingers in an attempt to prolong her orgasm; Carina was shaking involuntarily, gasping, and I released her nipple so that I could distribute kisses all over her breasts. Soon the Italian was leaning her body against mine, her head resting on one of my shoulders as her rapid, labored breathing hit my neck.

-That was amazing! - I whispered, stopping the movement of my fingers, pulling them out of Carina gently and bringing my hand to her back to hug her.

-I should be the one saying that. - She spoke between gasps of breath, let out a low chuckle, and then I felt a gentle kiss pressed against the side of my neck. - It really was amazing.

-Yes? - I asked and swallowed dryly trying to moisten my throat, my heart was beating fast in my chest, and I closed my eyes trying to calm myself. Carina kissed my neck again, now more slowly and I could feel the tip of her tongue running over my skin.

-Yes. - She whispered in response, her teeth running up and down the side of my neck, and I moved the hand that was on her back down to her ass before giving it a firm squeeze. - Now it's my turn to return the favor.

-And how are you planning to do that? - I forced my mind to formulate words, but it was difficult when Carina rubbed her hands against my torso to reach for the hem of my shirt. The Italian reached down, pulled my shirt up, and I lifted my arms to let her remove it; before I could process what was happening, Carina was pulling me forward and attacking my mouth in an intense and passionate kiss. Her hands went to my back, I felt her fingertips running up and down my spine before she skillfully opened my bra with one hand.

-I'm planning to take my time with you. - Carina replied when she interrupted the kiss. The woman ran her tongue over my still-open lips in teasing, the dirty smile on her lips made my center twitch, and when she pressed her hands against my breasts, squeezing and massaging them, pulling hard on my nipples, my eyes rolled back, and I couldn't keep them open anymore. - I want to see you, feel you, taste you.

-Yes. - That was all I could say as kisses were distributed over my neck and chest, her hands never stopping teasing my breasts, and I stirred under her touch, letting low moans escape my throat freely.

-But for that... - Carina spoke again, her kisses descending to the top of my breasts as her hands left them. My girlfriend then left my lap, my eyes opened to see what she was doing, and a shiver ran down my spine when I saw her kneel in front of me and spread my legs before taking her fingers to the button of my pants. - I need you to get naked.

The sight in front of me spurred me to help Carina get rid of my pants as quickly as possible, I shifted quickly as she pulled my jeans down my thighs and got a low chuckle from my girlfriend in response to my desperation.

-Oh, you think this is funny? - I asked as Carina tossed my pants aside, I gave her a smile, held her chin so that she was looking at me, and tilted my body until my face was inches from hers.

-I like to see that you're desperate to be touched. - She confessed; her eyes locked on mine.

-And why is that? - I asked back and gave her a quick kiss.

-I like knowing that I do that to you. - Carina licked her lips and tried to close the distance between us, but I pulled back.

-Do you really want to know what you do to me? Why don't you find out? - I asked with a small smile on my face, trying to show more confidence than embarrassment at that moment. I was choosing to focus on the desire on Carina's face and as I lifted my hips off the couch Carina was quick to bring her hands to the side of my hips and pull my panties down my legs.

I spread my legs looking directly at Carina, watching her eyes go down my center before focusing on the middle of my legs and my pussy seemed to enjoy all the attention it was getting because I felt the rhythmic throbbing of my clit intensify. I brought one of my hands down into my folds, moaned intensely when my fingertips slid across my labia and Carina opened her mouth in surprise, her eyes also widened, and I focused all my energy on keeping my eyes open when all I wanted to do was close them and give myself over to the pleasure that had immediately become the focus of my mind.

I ran my fingers up and down my sex, I was incredibly wet and there was barely any friction between my fingers and my clit. I drew slow circles, teasing myself, moaning freely and arching my back slightly as the waves of pleasure began to travel through my body.

-Let me, Maya... - Carina asked in a whisper, her hands going to my thighs as she truly got on her knees between my legs. Her eyes never left the movement of my hands, and I felt her nails sinking against my flesh as I brought my fingers to my entrance and filled myself with them. - Bambina!

-Open your mouth for me, Carina. - I spoke after rolling my eyes with the pleasurable sensation of being filled. Carina opened her lips, her eyes were now on mine and when I brought my pleasure painted fingers to her lips she was quick to capture them and suck them into her mouth. - Do you like the way I taste?

Carina moaned with my fingers inside her mouth, her tongue running around and through the middle of them and her eyes closing as she enjoyed the experience. My girlfriend nodded in response to my question, and I slid my fingers deeper into her mouth.

-Then lick my fingers clean, baby. - I muttered the words delighting myself with the sensation of having my fingers sucked so intensely by the doctor while staring into her eyes as she gave me the sexiest of looks and rolling my eyes when the vibration of her moan against my fingers made my center throb in response. I slowly pulled my fingers out of her mouth and leaned in, taking her lips in an intense kiss full of tongues and bites. - I want that delicious mouth on me now, can you do that for me, my love?

-Sì, Dio, sì! - Yes, God, yes! - Carina squeezed my thighs and leaned her body towards my center, my hand automatically went to the back of her head and the moan that escaped my lips when I felt her warm, soft tongue running all over me was almost a roar.

-My God, fuck! - My head hung back, my eyes closed tightly, and Carina repeated the movement as slowly as the first time, making me shiver beneath her mouth. - Don't tease me, Carina.

Carina pulled her face away from between my legs for a few seconds just so she could laugh softly, she turned her face and bit the inside of my thigh and I hissed at the mixture of pain and pleasure before gasping when she sucked on it. I entwined the fingers of the hand behind her head between the strands of her hair and pulled them lightly, drawing her attention and Carina soon let my skin slide out of her mouth as I brought my face close to hers.

-I said don't tease me. - I spoke the words in a low, husky tone. - It's your time to behave and be a good girl. Just suck my pussy and let me cum in your mouth, baby.

-Yes, Captain. - My girlfriend nibbled her lower lip and I leaned back against the couch, loosening the grip of my fingers and letting her move closer to my body again.

Carina really knew how to please me, her tongue went straight to my clit and the licks she gave against the sensitive spot were firm and cadenced, from bottom to top, top to bottom, in a repetition that made my hips bounce off the couch trying to meet the precise movement of her mouth.

-You feel so good! Don't stop! - I gasped at the words, Carina sped up the movement of her tongue as she brought her thumbs up to my labia and massaged them following the same movement of her tongue. Carina always knew how to increase my pleasure, my hips rotated with her movements, and I moaned loudly when I felt her lips closing around my clit. I was already so close, the heat in my abdomen only growing and spreading through my body with her precise movements. - Yes, yes, yes! Suck me! You're so good at that, keep doing it!

My body was starting to spasm involuntarily, I forced my eyes open to find Carina staring at me intensely as she continued to suck me off; my parted lips allowed the moans to slide out of them freely, I creased my forehead and held her hair in a makeshift ponytail as I began to feel my orgasm approaching.

-Fuck, Car! I'm... - I rolled my eyes and groaned loudly as Carina slipped her tongue inside me without warning. - Oh, shit! Shit! I'm close! I'm close, baby, fuck me with your tongue!

Carina bobbed her head as she slipped her tongue in and out of me and the slight stretching of my walls along with the incredibly erotic sight in front of me brought me close to my orgasm. I felt my muscles contracting, I kept my eyes fixed on my girlfriend and her actions, a breath caught in my lungs and seconds later I intensely trembled under her touch as a glorious wave of white heat and pleasure took over my body.

-Carina! - I moaned her name, hanging my head back, arching my back and feeling my clit pulsing intensely. I cried out as Carina moved her lips over it and sucked it into her mouth and what seemed like the end of my orgasm only became the beginning of a second one that was rapidly approaching me. - Don't stop! Don't stop! I'm gonna cum, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Carina sucked harder and the contraction of my abdominal muscles was so intense that both my back and my thighs slid off the couch as my legs closed around Carina's head and I screamed as I was overcome by a second full-blown orgasm, just as intense as the first.

-My God! - I gasped, with Carina's lips still against my pussy. - Stop... Please stop! I'm too sensitive.

My breathing was rapid and labored, I felt my heart beating against my chest and brought both hands to the center of it as I closed my eyes and tried to focus on calming my body.

-I love you. - Carina spoke as she kissed my thighs. - You're wonderful.

-You're wonderful. - I laughed, still a little breathless, stirring my body in response to Carina's tickling kisses. - Come here...

-No! Shower! - Carina put her hands on my thighs and jumped to get up.

-In a second. - I closed my eyes and let my head hang against the back of the couch.

-No, you'll just keep stalling, and you'll end up sleeping on the couch smelling of sex! - Carina held both my hands and pulled my body forward, making me stand up too.

-The smell of sex is great! - I mumbled as she pushed me toward her bedroom.

-Not after eight hours of sleep. - Carina laughed behind me and a smile came to my lips.

Inside the bathroom we took a relaxing shower, full of kisses and innocent caresses and it was this domesticity, familiarity and warmth that made me want more and more of Carina, more of what we had, more of these moments.

-I'm so glad you're here. - Carina spoke as we slid under the covers after putting on our pajamas.

-Me too, Car... I've missed you with all the crazy hours of my shifts. - I opened my arms and my body completely relaxed when Carina came into my embrace, and I could squeeze her body against mine.  I stuck my nose in her hair and inhaled deeply, her arm wrapped around my waist and one of her legs went between mine so she could slip her icy foot under my calf. - You need to start sleeping in socks.

-It's uncomfortable. - Carina murmured, turned her face around and kissed the exposed part of my chest where her head rested. - And your calves suit me just fine.

-I can see that. - I whispered, still laughing softly.

-I've missed sleeping with you. I always sleep better when you're here, even when you wake me up early. - Carina laughed softly too, and maybe this was just the universe giving me the signal I needed to talk to Carina. - Why is your heart beating so fast?

-Move in with me. - I spoke the words before I could process them. I should have thought of a more romantic way to do this, but now it was too late.

-What? - Carina jumped on the bed, sitting up next to me in a matter of seconds, her eyes wide in surprise, her eyebrows almost reaching her hairline.

-You just said it, you miss sleeping with me, and... God... I miss having you with me all the time, Carina. I am always devastated and incredibly sad on the days I come home knowing that you won't be there, that I won't see you, that I won't be able to hold you and smell your hair, or hear about your day, or laugh when you start dancing in the kitchen. I want that, I want all of that. - The flood of words came out faster than I would have liked, and Carina still had the same surprised expression as I spoke. - When I had my accident, you said that we weren't ready yet, but I feel like we are now, so... Will you move in with me?

-Maya... I... - Carina licked her lips, her eyebrows still arched, and I felt the adrenaline rushing through my veins as I waited for her answer. - Bambina, I can relate to everything, I completely understand what you are saying...

-But? - I asked when she stopped talking and felt my eyes burn as well as my throat, I wanted to cry at the thought of the rejection that was probably coming my way.

-But... - Carina began.

TO BE CONTINUED