22. Chapter 22

CARINA’S POV

My mind had completely disconnected from any thought other than Maya from the moment those two words came out of my brother's mouth. One second I was staring at his red face as he gasped for air and the next second I was running down the halls to the emergency room and, even though I'm not religious, I was screaming a prayer in my mind and asking whatever superior being was there not to take my Maya away from me.

As I entered the emergency room my head spun, my stomach churned inside of me, and my hands trembled as I ran my eyes through the people walking back and forth; it didn't take long before I saw Andy with both hands on her face trying to contain what looked like crying and my chest tightened immediately. I took quick steps towards her, but with each step I seemed to get a little more desperate thinking that maybe the worst had already happened.

-Andy! - I called out to her, my voice shaking, showing all my nervousness. - Andy, what happened? I... Andrea... Ugh!

My thoughts were racing through my mind, I wanted answers immediately, I wanted her to tell me that Maya was fine, that Andrea had overreacted and that she had just twisted her ankle, but when the woman raised her red, swollen eyes in my direction my eyes filled with tears and my throat tightened even more.

-There has been a major fire, five alarms downtown. - Andy sniffled between words. - Maya had to help control the flames, I was inside the building, I was leaving with one of the victims when one of the cars involved in the scene exploded; Maya was thrown backwards, and some parts of the car flew with her and...

-And what, Andy? - I demanded that she continue quickly, but I brought one of my hands up to my throat trying somehow to push down the lump in my throat that was already forming.

-She was impaled by one of the metal parts, she hit her head and was unconscious when we brought her here, Carina.... She lost so much blood... God! - She cried again and this time I joined her, my hands went to my face and I screamed.

I didn't know what was going on inside of me, but I just felt this need to scream and that's exactly what I did; I let some of my pain and despair spill out of my chest, but I needed to see Maya, I needed to know how she was doing.

-Where is she? - I asked, rubbing my cheeks hard, wiping away the tears and trying to think clearly, coldly, and calculatedly. I needed to find some focus, some fulcrum to be able to think logically at that moment.

-There. - Andy pointed to one of the rooms and I bit my lip hard, clenched my hands into fists and took two deep breaths.

-Hold this for me. - I asked handing her my purse and she nodded, still trying to calm myself down. - I'll go check on her.

During the quick steps I took towards the room I was trying to talk myself into my medical mode, trying to distance myself from all the emotion, pain and anguish that was filling me at that moment. As I got closer, I could hear people talking loudly and rapidly from inside, I put my hand on the doorknob and took one last deep breath before opening the door, entering the room and realizing that it had all been in vain.

All my attempt to remain sane and professional, which had taken a lot of effort outside the room, had no effect inside. The moment my eyes landed on Maya's unconscious and partially exposed body the tears came, the tightness in my chest became even more intense and I unlearned how to breathe; the air was trapped in my chest and the feeling I had was that I was suffocating little by little with the burning in my throat making any attempt by my body to regain my breath even more difficult.

Maya had her abdomen exposed, her uniform torn long ago to give the doctors access, she was unconscious, pale, there was an oxygen mask over her face that was now stained red from the cuts that had spread across her cheeks and forehead; there was also blood on her neck and on her collarbones - even though there was no apparent wound - there was even more blood on her abdomen, the piece of metal impaled through her body on her left flank was bruising her flesh and causing blood to spurt out with each breath the blonde took.

There was so much blood. Everything was so red.

I could hear my heartbeat hammering against my ears and temples, the adrenaline in my body didn't drive me to put on gloves and help with the firefighter's injuries, it coursed through my veins from the sheer fear of losing Maya. My hands were shaking and sweating cold, the nauseating feeling in my stomach only intensified and more tears streamed down my face; I felt as if the ground had disappeared under my feet, there was no stability, no security, there was only adrenaline, anguish and fear.

-Dr. DeLuca, we have already ordered the pregnancy test in the admissions exams, was the result positive? - Meredith looked in my direction, her words were a little muffled, but they brought me back to reality. Apparently, she made my presence noticed for the first time by the other doctors and a few faces turned in my direction, including Amelia's who kept the flashlight with which she was assessing Maya's pupils suspended in the air.

-N-no. - I whispered.

-Carina, you can't stay here. - Amelia spoke up and took a first step toward me.

-Don't you dare! - I said through my teeth. - Don't you dare stop examining her to try to get me out of here. I'm not leaving, do you hear me?

-Is she a friend? - Meredith asked Amelia. - If you are friends with Captain Bishop, do you know if there is any possibility that she is pregnant?

-No. - I said back quickly. - No, she's not pregnant.

-Are you sure? - Meredith insisted and, for a second, I wondered if Maya had slept with any men in the last fourteen days, but I don't think she would do something like that to me, she knows it would hurt me, she just wouldn't do it.

-Yes. - I blinked hard and more tears streamed down my face.

-Let's get her up to CT immediately. She's finally stable. - Amelia said. - Once I'm sure there's nothing wrong with her head, you can operate.

-How critical is her condition? - I asked, and part of me didn't want to know the answer, while the other part already knew it.

-It's delicate. - Meredith murmured as she suspended the stretcher rail, and the nurses and Amelia began to make sure that everything was properly secured so that Maya could be moved out of the room. - But she is stable enough to do this scan, she is medicated, and saturating well, we don't need to intubate her yet, but the possibility hasn't been ruled out. There is no free fluid in the abdominal cavity, apparently this piece of metal has passed through her skin without piercing her spleen, which was very fortunate, but some calibrous vessels have been torn, the piece of metal is preventing her from bleeding into her abdomen.

I listened to her words but understood only a small portion of what was being said because my eyes and attention were directed to the woman lying on the stretcher in front of me; when they pushed the stretcher towards me - towards the exit of the room - I grabbed onto the railing on her left side and started to walk along with the team.

-Carina, I really think that... - Amelia spoke again, both hands holding both sides of Maya's face.

-I'm not leaving Maya. - I interrupted her, swallowing hard and rubbing my right cheek against my shoulder trying to dry some more of my tears. - I'm not leaving her.

All the way to the CT room I kept my eyes fixed on the beeping vitals on the monitor placed between Maya's legs, my attention completely focused on the EKG lines that indicated her heartbeat, it was there, rhythmic, indicating that my firefighter was alive, was fighting to stay alive. As the scan was being conducted, my body - and mind - went into a state of numbness, people were talking beside me, but the words were not being processed by my brain, movements were seen by my eyes, but I couldn't tell what actions were being performed, I just kept focused on the EKG tracing that indicated Maya's life.

-There is no sign of intracranial bleeding, but she must have developed a severe concussion due to the impact against the ground. - Amelia spoke after shaking my shoulders a few times. - She is cleared for surgery.

-Surgery. - I whispered the word that was now echoing inside my mind.

-Did you understand what I said? - Amelia shook my shoulder again to get my attention, my eyes finally focused on her blue eyes, and I just nodded once.

-She's going into surgery. - I whispered the words now looking up into her face.

-That's right. - Amelia nodded back.

-I'm going in. - I said, and for the first time I said something with some conviction and certainty.

-Carina, I don't think you should do this; I know you're worried but being inside the surgery will only make you more apprehensive. - Amelia pondered and I denied it with my head.

-I'm not leaving Maya. - I repeated the words harshly. - Meredith?

The blonde looked up at me and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

-You can come in if you promise me that if I tell you to leave, you will obey. - The surgeon spoke to me and I swallowed hard knowing that it wasn't a bargain that favored me, but it was the only one I would get so I just nodded. - Good. You will come in and sit next to her face and you will not stand up or try to watch the surgery, is that clear?

-Yes. - I nodded.

It was better than nothing.

The next few moments passed like a movie before my eyes; we took Maya to the operating room, I changed clothes and put on some scrubs that had been handed to me and as soon as I was dressed, I walked into the room to the woman now already intubated for surgery - being secretly glad that I had not seen the intubation process - then I sat down on a stool next to her face and blinked more tears out of my eyes, they ran down and were absorbed by the mask that covered my face.

-You'll be fine, bambina! - I whispered, bringing my face close to hers, pressed my lips against her ear, and continued. - You can't leave me, my love. I need you to be okay, I need you to fight, I need you to come back to me, Maya. Please, I'm so sorry for everything that happened, I need you to be okay so that I can say this looking into your eyes.

Her arm was stretched out beside her body, with a support holding it up so that the IV could be reached, and I slipped my hand into hers to squeeze her inert fingers. Her face was clean, the cuts no longer bleeding - she only needed stitches in the cut on her left eyebrow - and now she looked more like my Maya, her face serene from the anesthesia, and my chest tightened at the sight of her there, eyes closed, reminding me that the last time I had seen her beautiful blue eyes was when they had been drenched with sadness the last time she had been in my office.

-I'm going to start. - Meredith spoke up next to me and I turned my face to face her.

-Please, please save her, Meredith. - I asked, my voice shaking from my incessant crying.

…

Just as Maya was being prepared to be moved into her room, I let out a relieved sigh - the worst was over - and couldn't thank Meredith enough for all the great work she had done. My heart seemed to return to beating normally inside my chest even though anxiety and worry were flooding my mind.

-There are many firefighters in the waiting room waiting for news. - One of the nurses inside the OR spoke up.

-I'm going to deliver the good news. - Meredith said taking off her gloves.

-I'm going to escort Maya to her room. - I said back and got a nod in response.

Now she looked more like she was sleeping, she was covered with sheets and only the wounds on her face indicated that she had been in a dangerous situation, and when she was placed on the bed in her room, I was quick to go to her side and take her hand.

-I know you probably can't hear me now, I know you don't know that I'm here, but I really hope that you can feel me close to you, that you can feel all the warm feelings that I have for you, Maya. - I stroked the back of her hand with my thumb in an uninterrupted back and forth motion. - Thank you for not having a cardiac arrest on the table, for not bleeding more than expected, thank you for fighting to stay here with us.

I tilted my face and pressed my lips against her forehead, kissing it repeatedly. She still smelled of smoke and looking closely there was still some soot against her skin, but I wouldn't have her any other way, she was perfect because she was alive.

I heard a knock on the door and turned to be greeted by Andy's relieved look; the woman walked to the other side of Maya and held the hand that was free.

-I... - I started to speak. - I'd like to stay with her here tonight and for as long as she needs me, I know I'm nothing to her officially, I know you're her best friend, but if you can let me stay, I'll be eternally grateful, Andy.

The woman ran her own free hand through strands of Maya's blonde hair a few times, her gaze fixed on the face of the woman lying between the two of us, and her silence stirred anxiety inside me, but I remained quiet letting her process her own thoughts and feelings.

-You are not nothing. - She spoke finally and then turned her face to face me. - You are her everything. I confess that I was upset when I heard everything that happened, mainly because I've never seen Maya so devastated by a breakup, if that's even what happened between you two, she didn't eat, sleep, or smile, she focused on work for the last two weeks as the ruthless, ambitious, and selfish person she once was, as she was when you left the first time, and I was afraid. I was afraid because it took a long time for Maya to get better, to start being a light and fun person, a friend who would let me in, and she completely closed herself off in the last two weeks, Carina. She was, she is, hurt and sad, she thinks you deserve someone better than her, but Maya is an amazing woman, and you are the one who is lucky to have her in your life.

-I know. - I whispered without taking my eyes off Andy. - I was scared, I felt exposed and vulnerable, I was a coward and I know I must apologize to her, but I also want to apologize to you because I know that you are the closest friend she has and that you are probably the one who has taken care of her all this time. I promise this won't happen again, I promise I'll be a better woman for her, Andy.

-Please stand by your word. I've never seen my friend happier than she was when you were together, you bring out the best in Maya, and I want her to be happy. I'm not stupid, I know you're the chosen one, I know you're the one who will make Maya happy, and I also know that she can be difficult sometimes, but she's worth it. - Andy spoke up and the hand that had previously been stroking Maya's head was stretched over the woman's body, I took her hand with one of mine. - And if I hadn't known what an amazing woman you are, I wouldn't have joined Amelia and Andrew in their plan to get you two back together. I was pretty committed on my side and was convincing Maya to talk to you again, it breaks my heart that something so horrible happened before this could happen, but I think that even with such a terrible situation you will find a way to take advantage of it.

-Thank you, Andy. I really mean it. - I smiled at the woman and squeezed her hand one last time before unclasping our fingers.

-You should stay, it's your face she'll want to see when she wakes up. - She smiled at me, and I smiled back, hoping with all my might that she was right. - I'm going outside so that the others can see that she really is okay and then I'm going to make sure that everyone goes home and gets some rest.

-I'm sure you're all exhausted. - I commented and she nodded in agreement. - Thanks again, Andy.

-No problem. - She smiled one last time and left the room.

Maya's friends and colleagues came in and out of the room, all giving me friendly smiles and words of comfort and strength for that moment and somehow, all these gestures, made things between Maya and me even more real - and my heart rejoiced at that idea.

-When will she wake up? - I asked Amelia when she came to do a second neurological examination on Maya.

-I have asked them to keep her on morphine for at least the next six hours for a first pain management, and then I will ask them to start reducing the doses, so I guess you have at least eight hours to arrange whatever you need. - Amelia replied. - And try to get some sleep, you look exhausted.

-I feel exhausted. - I confessed. - Can you ask Andrea to come over? My phone is dead.

-Of course. - My friend squeezed my shoulder gently. - Are you in need of anything? I'll bring you something to eat, okay?

-Thank you, Amelia. - I sighed. - I'll have him run over to my place and get some clothes so I can take a shower and I think I'll use the time Maya will be unconscious to talk to Chief Bailey about getting a few days off.

-I can talk to her for you, I know how difficult it is to have a loved one in a hospital bed, we are here to support you with whatever you need. - Amelia's words caused me to swallow hard and my eyes to fill with tears; I had no idea that I would develop such a true friendship so soon in Seattle and Amelia was showing me how lucky I was to have her in my life.

-You are a good friend. - I said and sniffled a few times.

-You're a good friend too, I'm just doing for you what I'm sure you would do for me. - She smiled and gave me one last hug before leaving Maya's room.

For the next few minutes, I tried to convince myself that everything would be fine, I looked at Maya's vital signs and repeated in my mind that she was stable, that she was a healthy person, without health problems and that she would recover without any major issues, soon she would be waking up and I would be able to look into the blue eyes that I missed so much. Andrea came into the room after a few minutes and we shared a long hug, full of tears on my part and with strokes on my back on his part; we didn't say anything, there was nothing to be said, he knew how I felt and understood all my feelings at that moment, so he just asked what I needed and took the keys to my house saying he would be back soon.

-Riposa, amore mio, sarò qui quando ti sveglierai, te lo prometto. Tutto quello che voglio è che tu guarisca. - Rest my love, I will be here when you wake up, I promise. All I want is for you to be okay. - I murmured after kissing Maya's cheek a more than a few times, stroking her hair a while and sitting back in the chair beside her bed keeping our fingers intertwined.

I waited for Andrea to return and when he finally handed me a suitcase, I went to the bathroom to take a quick shower and slip into comfortable clothes to spend the rest of the night next to Maya.

-Do you need anything else? - My brother asked as I came out of the bathroom.

-No, grazie Andrea. - I smiled tiredly at him before grabbing the charger and plugging in my phone. - You should go home, get some rest, it's been a long night for all of us.

-Are you sure you're going to spend the night here? There's a chance she won't wake up until tomorrow morning. - He insisted, stuffing his hands in his coat pockets.

-I know, but I want to make sure that I'm here when she wakes up, I don't want her to think she's alone. I don't want her to feel alone. - I explained and he nodded, without insisting.

-Do you want me to get you something to eat? - He asked, heading for the door.

-Amelia said she would, I promise I will try to eat something and rest as much as possible. - I tried to comfort my brother and make him a little less worried about my state, and he gave me one last nod before leaving the room.

I knew it was going to be a long night and I wasn't even sure I would be able to get any sleep at any point, but none of that mattered, I would spend countless sleepless nights if it meant that I would be able to be with Maya during this difficult time. That was all that mattered.

Me being close to my Maya.