Chapter 5: It's Okay to Not be Okay

Zain entered a random house, opening the doors, thinking of what he and Joey talked about moments ago, it's his shadow after all, he is the only one who can take it down.

He read a book in his giant house library, that Tusgals are Creatures which powers actually are granted from humans, if you treated your self well, be a good person, and most important respect your self, as you own yourself a good treatment, you are not alone, it's watching your every move, They try to remember everything you do, so someday they can drag you in to and get themselves out, the mirror at the end is a crossing gate between the two worlds. sometimes when you are the one on the free side, or the upper world, the reflection or Tusgal could feel jealous, you two are literally the same, they however, are First-Ranked creatures, which means they are not so strong yet doesn't mean they are not a thread, actually some old defenders once said that first-rank creatures and one of the worst! as they do not use their magic level nor they're physically strong, but their hearts are poisoned, carrying all your secrets and weaknesses, They can kill you at a glance.

If you ever come across one, just know you can't kill it, you can just convince it to reverse what it felt. it's the only way to get out alive, or it will hunt you down till you Die, but you can not runway from it, in the end you two are one.

"I know you are here… and I know that you see me now .." Zain said while he kept moving his eyes left and right, it was an ordinary house with simple furniture with two floors 

"Come out now, I know you are here " he said looking at the ceiling and upstairs.

The lighting in the house began to dim, and the electric current began to cut off

"You think you are better than me.?" A voice said behind Zain.

"No, I don't think so ...." Zain said with no hesitation.

Zain turned back to see the Tusgal standing right behind him. he could even feel the heat of anger and hate coming from behind.

Zain took several steps slowly to move a bit far, then turned around to look right into his raging face. Zain showed no intention to continue this fight, he put his hands down, raised his head, looked in the eyes of his Tusgal and remembered Joey's words, which began extend strength to himself,

"You and me .... We went through alot of difficult times "

"Believe me, my friend, if I were you , I would loved to kill me too ... I will not hide from you the fact that I may not have loved Liz, not as much as you did apparently, and after studying all these books about the underworld, i still didn't seem to know at least 1% about it all.  I'm sorry that I didn't do anything to help Liz.......or you, Sorry for ignoring you all these years, "

Zain said, as his brows drew together, in sympathy.

"It's too late. You killed her ... by your hands ..." said his reflection, with tears running down his face. his brows seemed to soften as he grind on his lips.

"Liz loved me a lot since we were young, you know right? I see her breath taking smile and shinny eyes in my dreams, still playing with me and of course with you,  you see what I see after all, you must felt her presence in our life right? I learned the art of sensing spirits and their origin since I was eight, and I felt  her aura surrounding our house in alot of times,  she was happy that I did not let her kill my grandfather.... who raised her like a daughter, and that I stopped her so she could live with no regrets or at least for her soul to be freed from any regret..... You know that this is the truth ... You also saw her, because you are me and Iam you "

Zain started to take confident steps toward the Tusgal, who suddenly became weak, meager and pitiful. The tears welled up in his tired eyes, Zain took this opportunity to speak again:

"You are stronger than me, and you know she is happy and  in a better world now...and my grandfather also is with her now... You know right? On the day my grandfather died, she was very happy.... and she told me how grateful she was for what i did that day, stopped her from dying with regret or honor, you know how she has always cared about origins, family honour and all these formalities."

Zain continued until Finally, he reached him, whose tears began to fall down his face. The Tusgal looked at him in disbelief and looking at him with all sadness and conquerance, all the feelings that he couldn't say and all the injustice that kept accumulating in his heart, was his strength, waiting for this moment when all those pent-up feelings come out, now he feels that all those feelings and repression come out in the form of tears of the past. mourning for the loss of his lover.

Zain raised his hand with hesitation, and finally put it on the other's hand which held the sword. his hands were trembling hardly along with his sobbing.

"I will do better... and I promise you that I will love you ... and take care of you ... and I will never be hard on you again ... my dear self,"

Zain said while looking at The Tusgal with a tearful eye .

"Prove it ..."

After a moment of silence, the Tusgal said to him.

" How ?" Zain asked surprisingly, feeling he will regret asking this.

"Hurt yourself,....Hurt us.... in the same way Liz  was wounded when she died," the Tusgal said

Iced water were thrown on Zain's heart as he looked at him in shock and disbelief, he couldn't utter a word, he looked around, as his eyes blinked in fear.

" I may die, how could you ask me to do so!"

" She died because if your San dagger, which could only be deadly to the Underworld Creatures, aside from that, it would only leave a scar on a human body if it to be taken care of immediately, you will be fine ...I saw it ...your friend is waiting and ready to help you .." The Tusgal said in calm and clear voice,

Zain looked blankly at the Tusgal while he was talking, then looked to the ground, deeply absorbed in thoughts, he bit his lower lip, inhaled then exhaled deeply:

"Damn this Test!, I will not get out of it before i suffer from a disability!"

He looked into his Tusgal's eyes

, "Trust yourself ... trust me," the Tusgal said.

Zain looked at him, then looked at his dagger, it's true his dagger carries this deadly poison, only to those who are from the Underworld would die from it, especially if it stabbed the heart,

was no second thought, he raised the dagger in the air after, shutting his eyes and  stabbed it into his left thigh.

Zain screamed with great pain and fell on his knees, the pain grew with time, as at first he felt it stung and hot! and the wound began to bleed badly.

The Tusgal looked at him, with sympathy, yet relief, the sword vanished into the air, he took some steps towards Zain who were laying on the floor, groaning and panting.

Zain looked up, tried to sit with the help of his hands. resting his back to the wall. taking his breath while looking at his Tusgal moving towards him, until he reached where he was sitting, he kneeled down, put his hand on Zain's shoulder ,with a sad smile.

"You... forgive me now, right?" Zain asked while the nodded then replied,

"The matter is ... Do you forgive yourself?"

They looked at each other a little then Zain Smiled closing his eyes in pain with cold sweat forming on his forehead.

"....Yeah....I forgive me .."

The Tusgal looked at him dearly

" You...take care of yourself and friends, the Underworld is unstable, don't worry about your injury, it will heal...but get out of hear before its too late .."

The Tusgal said calmly, hugged Zain and patted his back .as if he is saying ;;it will be okay::

Zain couldn't  stop his tears as he finally understood . He was too harsh on himself all this years he blamed himself for Liz's death without even knowing what kind of regret he felt, forced himself to do alot of things just for his family's honor, he sacrificed his childhood and loved ones, just like Liz, even if his family were right, Their brutal methods of dealing was always painful with no humanity involved,

its okay to not be okay but don't blame yourself for it , you must love it and protect it. dearly.

End of chapter 5