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Fate/Fisted

'If violence isn't solving all your problems, you simply aren't using enough of it.' Shitty day at work cause your boss wants you to do overtime? Punch him. Kids giving you problems? Punch 'em. Supernatural entities trying to fuck with you? Punch 'em. Demon Gods trying to destroy to humanity? Punch the ever-living shit out of 'em. Nicholas Martel is the sort of man who can and will solve any and all problems by beating the shit out of them. Young masters and even tsunderes beware, his hands are rated e for absolutely everyone.

Bleap · Anime e quadrinhos
Classificações insuficientes
87 Chs

First Time?

There was just something about sending teenagers off to time periods that showed the depths of human cruelty and depravity that just didn't sit right with Kiara Sessyoin... It didn't matter that they had her-...er... questionably heroic figures of legend to aid them. 

They were all still kids.

How were their minds supposed to handle the horrors of war, drought, famine, pestilence and all that?

Those were the thoughts that passed through her mind as she sat in her comfortable, air conditioned office, sipping on some hot coffee as she read a book pertaining to the thoughts of the current generation.

The audacity of the bi-

Kiara's eyebrow twitched and she looked around, feeling insulted for some reason, "I wish I could help them out more than... this."

True, all she could really do was offer them advice and reassuring words against er... the four horsemen of the goddamned apocalypse!

She shoved her musings aside when the metal door to her office slid away, revealing a familiar mop of pale hair and curious violet eyes that just didn't match the face they were attached to, "What's up, doc?"

"Oh? You came back?" Kiara put down her cup and stood up, walking over to the bookshelf to appear calm and collected... she definitely wasn't trying to hide her embarrassment over bawling her guts out last time he was here, "How was the mission?"

"Pretty cool. We met Nero, and apparently, the history books lied."

"Mm, that depends. Nero in his early days made significant reforms to improve the lives of the common people." Kiara latched onto the topic instantly, fixing her glasses, "He also reduced the power vested in the nobility and gave it back to the people."

"She."

Kiara tilted her head in confusion, looking over at Nicholas, "...?"

"Nero's a chick." Nicholas repeated himself, straddling the chair across from hers, "A really cool one too... Can you believe she left Marie in charge of Rome?"

What?

There were sculptures depicting Nero as an overweight man.

Kiara sweatdropped and chose her words very carefully. She didn't want to hurt his brain after all, "That wasn't an uninformed decision. Miss Marie was practically designed to manoeuvre the political landscape and people management."

Nicholas nodded along, eyes slightly widened, "You're telling me she's good for something other than looking cute?"

"...She was a monarch."

"A monarch that got beheaded. On that note, somebody needs to remind me to clock the fuckers that had the bundle of joy executed."

Kiara gave up her stance with a small sigh, "Any other intriguing developments?"

"Oh yeah, finally got to summon Attila the Hun."

"Why are you happy over summoning a bloodthirsty warmonger? He nearly destroyed the Roman Empire." Kiara felt the need to correct his obviously 'strange' choice in historical figures he chose to admire, "Why can't you just admire someone like... King Arthur maybe?"

"You mean Artoria... Oh and, Atilla's also a chick." The Chaldean Master looked around in confusion, "Where is she actually? She's been following me around like a stray puppy."

Kiara put her face in her hands and let out another sigh, a much longer one this time, "Of course... Of course Attila is also a lady."

Chortling at her reaction, Nicholas leaned forward ever so slightly, "Anyway, we need to talk about Gudako. I think the singularities taking a toll on her. She's going coocoo."

Kiara paused and studied him...

He wasn't joking at all, and she too had caught the girl trying to break into the room they used for summoning servants with a cackle she'd written off as silly.

"Alright, I'll call her over as soon as I get time."

-

Nicholas walked out of Kiara's office with a faint smile tugging at his lips, "That was nice."

Satisfied that at least somebody else found everybody being a chick somewhat strange... He just hoped the literal Earth wasn't a chick too.

His eyes caught onto a figure much shorter than himself staring up at him with a barely noticeable pout... which in retrospect, stood out even less because of her heavily tanned skin. The frustrated red eyes kind of made him feel guilty though.

"Not Attila... Altera." She spoke in a faint voice, tugging at his shirt, "Altera... It's Altera."

...Nicholas regarded her with pursed lips, not sure how he was supposed to react to her behaviour.

Apparently, she remembered what happened in the singularity, like most of his servants did and uh... The first words she'd said to him were, "Let us talk."

Which led him to the idea that this was one of those killing machine beings gaining and feeling emotions for the first time ever and latching onto the first person that propagated the idea of them being something other than a being of death and violence.

Woah, FGO had a lot of clic-

Nicholas got bored of his thoughts and promptly disregarded them, "Fine Altera-"

"Hm."

"Why didn't you come to meet the doc?"

The Scourge of God shook her head a few times, "The pervert is a bad person, very bad. I'll protect Master."

"The Doc is a pervert."

"Mhm, mhm." Altera nodded her head up and down, "Very bad person."

"I'll uh... I'll take your word for it I guess?" Nicholas gave a confused nod, obviously doubting her.

He could tell the doctor was genuinely trying to help however she could, she actually paid attention even as a therapist.

"I see." Altera let go of his shirt, "That is good."

Chortling, Nicholas bopped her on the head and sauntered off... Only for her to take off after him.

"Master, was I bad?" Altera asked in a monotonous voice, her white veil fluttering from the pace they were walking at.

"Nope. Atilla the Hun's one of the coolest dudes I know."

"You admire... Atilla?"

Nicholas gave her a thumbs up, "For sure, Atilla was awesome."

"But..." Altera seemed conflicted, hesitating for a bit with all these new emotions, "Is it alright if I try to lead a different life this time? After we destroy the bad civilisations?"

"Sure. You can have an 'I have no enemies' arc if you want. You were badass enough as Atilla... You can put the crown down."

"Mm... I see." Altera nodded with a barely noticeable smile, eyes shining.

Well, at least she was happy?

Nicholas didn't get why she wanted his recognition for it though.

-

Yu calmly ate her chicken-heavy Ramen with a sated expression, "Mm~."

Emiya was a damn sassy bastard and then some but the guy could cook a meal to die for... She would know, being a several millennia old ha-... immortal, who'd even spent a part of her time as literal royalty.

"What do you think of Septem?" He asked from over the counter, wiping a glass with cloth.

Yu paused, thinking for a bit, "All in all, it went about tamer than how I expected it would... Wait no, to be honest, I was expecting something along the lines of him convincing the neighbouring countries to invade us. He was a general for a bit."

"Damn it..." Emiya's face paled ever so slightly, "I can see it happening... Why can I see it happening?"

Yu giggled at his expression, "First time? I'm surprised he didn't seduce the big bad aga-"

"Fuck you, four eyes!"

She ducked with practised ease, dodging the plate Jalter had flung at her with a deadpan, "Somebody should teach her to grow up. Wait..."

Her expression flashed with pure malice before she mechanically turned around to stare at the annoyed Jalter, "If you don't grow up, Nicholas will eventually get fed up of coddling you and leave you."

"What? He wouldn't!"

"You sure?" She purposely drawled, "He likes Martha because she's mature."

The Saint in question peered over with one eye closed, listening in curiosity from the kitchen.

"T...That's true... B-But he wouldn't leave me!"

"Are you sure?"

"Y...Yeah!"

"Hmmm..." Nodding slowly, Yu went back to her meal.

"...You know, I think you might have to reconsider that thing about him not... er... 'conforming' the villain." Emiya discreetly pointed to the doors, both eyes closed and a small smirk plastered on his face, "I'm thinking he doesn't know that we servants can have memories be like parts of our very being if they're significant enough."

Yu glanced behind her to see Nicholas enter the cafeteria with Altera at his tail like a puppy.

"Goddammit."

-

Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

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Here's the explanation for me having like, two works on my page at the moment.

I was dealing with what I'm thinking was burnout and churned those out like a drone along with a ton of other stuff that I didn't post to brute force my way through it. As you'd expect, it turned out subpar, at least from how I see it. It had no thought or rhythm to it, just incoherent scribbling, well, relatively.

I don know why people like my stuff in the first place.

I wrote four more (ASOIAF, GoW, JJK and Re Zero) that I just didn't post.

But, on the flip side, it worked and the 'burnout', if it ever was that, is gone.

P.S: I've been getting into Frieren and Bleach lately.

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You can find 10 chapters ahead on patre0n.com/Bleap