And there was a deeper fantasy, one even more absurd, that Justin didn’t want to look at too closely. It was the one where that didn’t matter to Del because he was that good. And someone that good deserved better. And that deeper fantasy came with a deeper fear too, because what if Justin asked if they could stay with Del and Del said no? Even imagining that happening felt like someone had stabbed a cold blade through Justin’s gut. And he didn’t think Del would say no—Del was good—but he also didn’t want Del to want him to move in because it was the solution to all Justin’s problems. He wanted Del to want him to move in because he loved Justin and needed him in his life, and he was too afraid to ask if they were there yet.
It was complicated and terrifying and confusing, and Justin’s eyes pricked with tears as he scrolled through his messages.
Hey. Everything okay in there? Missed you guys at breakfast.
He wished now that he’d said he missed Del too.