1A-1: Nothing matters anymore

Good morning, good evening, good night. These are the lies that Issac had fed himself and others for almost a year now. Painful morning, painful evening, painful night. Painful holidays, painful Valentine's day, painful everything. If only he could make it all melt away.

But this was how he had to live now.

Lucas wasn't coming back, he knew this for sure. But it was as if part of him refused to accept it. For this reason, he had woken up in pain for the last year, or 365 days, or 8760 hours, or 525600 minutes. He would barely be able to open his eyes on every cold morning as the sun threatened to burn his eyes out. Yet he still found himself standing up and walking to the same place that made him miserable. School. He was about to graduate from college and finally start his life as an adult, but that didn't matter to him.

Nothing mattered to him anymore, not without Lucas.

Lucas had been the only one who was there for him, and now he was gone too. Everyone in his life was always so quick to abandon him, was he that worthless? He walked into his class looking like a complete mess, but no one cared. They just kept listening to the teacher and writing notes. At least they had a goal.

His classes were so boring that almost as soon as he sat down, he found himself standing up and leaving. Either it was his classes were feeling short, or he was being so lazy and useless that he was starting to arrive late. Everything was like a blur, going faster than he could keep track. Whatever, who cares.

As soon as school would end, Issac would head to the cemetery to visit Lucas every single day. He would stay there to talk with him through the evening and even stayed overnight to watch the stars with him. He… had always wanted to see the stars. Maybe this was his greatest wish… to be there.

Issac would always leave a smoking joint on his grave, just in case Lucas came back and wanted one. He was quite dumb, wasn't he? Lucas WASN'T coming back, he screamed it to himself in his head over and over and over… and yet he still had hope. What an idiot. Loser, stupid, clown.

He came home that night and didn't even bother eating, he was so tired. He fell into bed and was sure he could see Lucas up in the sky as he dozed off. He had no idea what he would see that night, sometimes he would hang out with Lucas in his dreams, but usually, it was a nightmare with Lucas chastising him for not trying to stop his addiction. But he had, Lucas just never listened, and it was the only thing that kept him happy, how could he take that away?

...maybe …maybe his death was his fault...

Play Lucifer by chitose