I came to only one decision

"I've told myself this countless times," he continued after clearing his throat. "I've gone over a thousand scenarios regarding what you were there to tell me, what kind of plan we would have formed, and how I could have stopped you from getting hurt." Aria shook her head upon hearing this, but didn't say anything.

Joseph continued, "But that is all after I have had time to reflect. That night, the worst night of my life that I will never forget, I came to only one decision." Aria was afraid to ask what that one decision was. She could already see it in his eyes, and she knew that Joseph's heart would break if he really voiced it out loud, solidified it.

She would never have asked what decision Joseph had come to, but he didn't seem to need a question as he spoke, "As I realized what you had been trying to do after I saw that note on your table, I knew, I knew that I didn't deserve to love you. I never have and never will. And when Helen landed in my arms and I saw that she was unharmed and safe, while you were being tortured for her sake, I knew at that moment, that I didn't even deserve to be your friend." Joseph hadn't really known Aria was being tortured while Helen was safe at the Scott mansion until yesterday, when she had been telling everything to Professor Thomas. But that had only served to increase his self loathing.

Aria closed her eyes as Joseph continued. She could feel tears leaking out of them. "And then I saw you as my father brought you back, all battered and beat up, looking like broken doll. I watched as you were brought in, looking so lifeless, I was seriously scared at that point that you weren't breathing. And that was when I knew, I knew that I didn't deserve to live if you had died." Joseph spoke, his voice cracking.

Aria opened her eyes to see tears pouring down Joseph's cheeks, ones he didn't himself seem to have noticed. "But I didn't die, Joseph. I didn't die." Aria spoke, her own voice cracking, tears now freely flowing down, wetting the bandages on her face Miss Anhao had insisted that she needed.

Joseph shook his head. His gaze had fallen back on his shoes somewhere during his words. "I know. . . ." he continued, "And God knows how thankful I am for that. But, once I was sure you were alive, I-I . . . I saw . . . . I saw you without those bandages, sometime during the day. And that was when I realized, I knew then and there that I wasn't good enough to ever speak to you ever again, I am not even good enough to look at you, admire you from afar. I have absolutely no right of even thinking about you, for what you had to go through for me and my family."

Once he finished, Joseph sunk into silence. Aria searched for words, for she did not find any.

Not knowing what else to do, the two sunk in silence. Aria knew how Joseph was feeling. And though she didn't agree with him saying that he didn't deserve her, she had no idea how to tell him that.