Bittersweet Reality

I collapse on my bed. Soon after that, I hear Niko shout a goodbye before the front door closes. The house is silent. A tear falls down my cheeks. Then another. Soon, rivers are being formed and I choked out sobs. I feel my lungs constricting, but I continue. I struggle to get air, but more and more sobs escape my lips.

Nothing's going to work.

You are going to die.

He knows, they know.

You are a dead man.

"Stop." My eyes open. The house is silent again. My tears still flow down my face as I begin to throw up blood. It explodes out of my mouth like molten lava shooting up and back down onto me, searing my face and neck. I don't move, instead, cry harder. The pain is numbing. I choke on the blood, making it come out even harder. I shoot off my bed and into the bathroom, still throwing up blood. I stumble over the toilet and barf up whatever blood I have left. I feel chunks of flesh roll out and plop into the toilet. As soon as it started, it stopped. My throat feels raw. My chest hurts even more, and my world is spinning. I crawl toward the medicine cabinet and stand, frantically looking for my medicine.

WhereisitwhereisitwhereisitwhereisitWHEREISITWHEREISIT?

I found the chemo drugs Alec prescribed and shoved them down my throat. I also added some more of my old pain meds, seeing if they would work. I crumble over the counter, waiting for it to go away. God, just go away. As if on cue, I slowly started to feel my breath go back to normal. My world shifts back into place as I hear knocking at the door.

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Dizzie.

This is his address, right? I started to tap my foot on the plush carpet beneath me. Surprisingly, the carpet here wasn't too bad. Why am I here anyway? I guess I got bored. I knew I didn't want to go to the club today, so I decided to call Rob and ask where he lived. God, I'm such a creep, but I wanted to see the kid again. He was...interesting to say the least. For the first time in maybe four years, I felt something stir in my chest. I knew what it was, I just don't want to admit it. Fear? Maybe.

Before I decided fuck all, the door opened.

He looks beautiful.

His golden eyes are bloodshot, tears flowing down his cheeks. Blood dripped from his mouth down to his neck. His hair is disheveled, but it never loses its beauty. His golden eyes are searching mine, trying to find something there. They're asking me to leave.

I walk up to him slowly, admiring his blood-stained face. I bring one of my hands up to cup his cheek. I feel the blood stick to my hand, but I don't care. His eyes are softer, inviting. The other hand is brought up, and my thumbs move circles on his face. The face that has been plaguing me. Stealing me away from my life and inviting me to another world.

I crash his lips onto mine. I taste the iron, but I dive deeper. His hands find their way into my dreads, running circles through them. I moan at the feeling, wanting him to run his hands through them since this morning. To feel his angelic lips on mine. I don't care that the only thing I can taste is blood. I push him back into the apartment, slamming the door shut with my foot.

He pushed my jacket off, it clattering on the floor. I practically rip his shirt off, throwing it somewhere in the living room. We land on the couch, where my hands roam his chest. His beautiful moans echo in my mouth, and I eat them all up. I move savagely, wanting more of him. He lifts my shirt up, our lips only separating for a split second before we crash together again. His hands roam up and down my back, making me shiver in pleasure. Unlike most of my subs or one-nighters, his touch sends flames down my back. We are both on fire, and it feels amazing.

My fingers rub over his hard nipples, making him arch and moan. I pull myself off his lips and lick at the blood on his face. It tastes like iron, but oh so sweet. It makes me go crazy with pleasure, my dick getting harder than it already was. I kissed down his blood-covered neck, still lapping at the blood there. His sing-song moans never left my ears, and I went into overdrive.

I allowed myself to slip into Dom-space as I pulled off his jeans along with his underwear, not even bothering with unbuttoning them. I dipped into his navel as my hands traveled down his legs, lifting one up to dance along the underside. He shuddered, moving back to my dreads and tugging on them, already knowing my sensitive spots, I was going crazy, wanting so much more. I looked up at him, already finding him looking at me. God, those eyes. Those eyes were begging for more, already giving me consent without saying anything.

His hand slips from my hair to my face, cupping my cheek. He nods his head, confirming his consent. The feeling was stirring in my chest went from a stir to a storm, commanding me to give this boy every piece of pleasure I could give. I looked down at his flat stomach, loving the way it was already decorated with hickeys I forgot I gave him. I continued what I was doing, planting kisses and love-bites all over his v-line, his hand moving back to their place on my head, moans continuously leaving his mouth. I traced the underside of both of his legs, my lips now grazing the sensitive skin near his dick. His grip tightened as I continued to kiss all around his leaking member. His hands soon left my head and covered his semi-bloody face. He looked down at me, begging me to just do it.

I licked up the pre-cum that made it's way down to my mouth, trailing my tongue all the way up to his dick. He gasped and let out a feminine moan as my tongue circled his tip. I surprised even myself as I went all the way down, his moans turned into a shriek. I bobbed up and down, running my tongue along his dick. His moans sounded like angel song as I bobbed faster, faster. I looked up at him and found his golden eyes peering into mine. I found myself lost in them, just as I was this morning. My hands find their way to his curvy hips, resting them there as I slowed down a bit, noticing his labored breath.

He lost it, his release exploding in my mouth. He let out an earth-shattering moan, and I loved it. The way he crumbled in my touch, his everything tasting so sweet. I licked it all up and placed a kiss on his tip. I followed my trail back up and captured his lips on my own. The flames never subsided as he traced the muscles on my back, leaving flames in his wake. At this moment, I don't care if this boy set my entire body aflame. And I didn't find a single part of my body fighting it.

Giving him one last kiss on his nose, I peered down at him. The setting sun turned his skin into gold as if King Midas blessed him. His hair became sun-kissed strands, and his eyes became literal pools of gold. Unlike at the club or hell, even moments before, they danced in the light, never leaving mine. Some would call it love, others would call it attraction, and frankly, I didn't know which was which. All I knew is a golden sea swallowing me whole, drowning me in its weight.

He was the first to speak, his sing-song voice piercing my thoughts, "Why did you do this?" I simply cupped his face in response, because I didn't know myself.

"I was going to ask you to come with me somewhere, but I got...carried away..." I rubbed my other hand up and down his waist.

He rolled his eyes, a lazy smirk growing on his face. "Why did I know you would respond with that?" I chuckled, letting my thumb run circles on his side. I noticed a scar in between his pecs. I traced the line, but before I could get to the end of it, he grabbed my wrist. Not forcefully, but with enough grip to get me to stop. When I looked back up at him, his eyes were downcast.

"Where did you want to go?" he asked, his hand that was holding my wrist started to tremor. I put my hand underneath his chin and made his eyes look at me. The edges were shining with tears, and my heart began to slowly shatter. I gathered him into my arms and held him there, and that's when the dam broke. His tears made him stick to my chest, but I could care less. I caressed his back, tracing his curves and dips. How we went from amazing blowjob to this I may never know, but I'm not complaining.

Not knowing how to calm him down, I hummed a love song my Maman used to sing to me before I lost her. Back when I lived in the middle of nowhere in France, not having a care in the world. Before she left and I left with my father to live in America. My mother was in love with Louis Armstrong and loved his adaptation of 'La Vie en Rose' so much and even though her English was broken, she would still sing it to me. It seemed to calm him down, even though I would go from English to French constantly. When I ended the song, all I could hear is his sniffles. I pulled him off my chest and rubbed away the last remaining tears. With the dry blood and his puffy face, most would turn their nose to this. But I held him like he would melt if I didn't.

"Of fucking course, you can speak French," he brokenly chuckles as he rubs away the last of the tears.

I smile and let out a soft chuckle, "One of the many things you have yet to know about me."

"Oh trust me, I know enough."

I raised an eyebrow and asked, "Oh yeah? Like what?"

"You give really good blowjobs." I couldn't help but burst into laughter. His laughter joins mine, sounding like bells. After a few moments, he started gasping and coughing. My face contorted into one of concern as I held his arms, not really knowing what to do. He tried to assure me that he's fine, but it fell onto deaf ears.

After he got done hacking, he looked up at me and smiled, "I'm okay, Dizzie."

"Bull shit. What's wrong?" He bites his lip as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down.

"I can't tell you now. But soon," he mutters. I sigh, knowing he won't tell me now, but I trust he will tell me someday. I grab his hands, rubbing my thumbs over his knuckles. He watches me do so, his hands twitching every once and a while.

He asks me again, "Where do you want to go?" He looks back up at me, the setting sun reflecting in his eyes. I don't think I'll ever get tired of looking into his eyes.

"Anywhere you want, chéri." I run my fingers through his hair, earning a smile from both of us. He leans his head against my hands, closing his eyes for only a moment.

"Let's ride down the highway, yeah?" He opens his eyes again, and I can see the highway in his vision, the night sky twinkling in his eyes as the sun faded from the sky.

"Sure. I would suggest however you get cleaned up. You're a beautiful mess," I chuckle lightly as my hands rub at the dried blood on his face. He smiles brightly, showing his pearly teeth.

"Okay." He gets up and walks down the hallway, butt naked. I enjoyed the way his ass bounced slightly with every step he took. Oh, how I wish I could ravish it.

"I can feel you staring, perv." He turns around and flashes me his million-dollar smile.

"Just enjoying the view." I flash one back as his face blushes slightly. The bathroom door closes, leaving me unbearable cold without his body close to me. I felt colder and colder, the world warping around me. I don't even hear the shower turn on, his apartment already dissipated from view.

Please, make it stop. Don't make this end just yet.

I lean backward, feeling the abyss swallow me whole. I fall slowly, my world shifting to a golden hue before I fell faster and faster. I just close my eyes, unchecked tears flowing down my face. I let them fall, already knowing this will end soon. The memory was bittersweet, as usual. And just like that, my eyes open, the sun casting my ceiling into a golden blanket. I sobbed, watching my February slowly drift away in the sunlight.