Chapter 20: Her Smile

In my half conscious state, i heard a beeping sound echoing within the room. The machine beeping every second, matching the rhythm of my own heartbeat. Despite the grogginess of my mind, i try to peel open my eyes and see where i was. Though judging by the sound the machine was making that was hooked up to my body, it's obvious where i am right now.

Moving my head ever so slightly to survey the room, i noticed that no one was here. I looked again at every spot, every corner of the room making sure that i wasn't hallucinating but with a hint of acceptance, i realize that she was not here.

A feeling of sadness welled up within me, a frown hanging on my face as i conclude that Lorelai was still angry at me for what i did. Indeed, it was my fault, i kept it a secret that i was planning my revenge. I hid that fact despite an overarching feeling of guilt that i did not tell her.

Closing my eyes, i thought of ways i could apologize to her later. Maybe i could buy her a gift or something. Maybe a pat on the head will work, because well, it usually does. While my mind was thinking of various solutions, the door opened yet i didn't open my eyes.

I thought that it was the nurse so i didn't bother checking to see who it was. There's a bigger problem at play here. But boy, i was mistaken.

"Malik…" a voice whispered into the air.

I open my eyes at lightning speed and realized that she was here. Lorelai was here. She was wearing blue jeans and a dark-colored sweater. And for some reason i had a feeling it was the sweater i had in my closet.

A blank expression hung on her face when she saw, and thinking that she was still mad about what i did, i was about to full on apologize for what i did but was interrupted when a certain someone lunged at me.

Lorelai crashed into my bed and into me, her impact making its presence known against my whole body and feeling the subsequent consequences of it. A jolt of pain rushed throughout my whole body, particularly the leg Bradley stabbed.

But i couldn't pay it any mind as Lorelai's eyes were full of tears. She kept sobbing in my chest while trying to form coherent sentences. But failed as the tears rolling down on her face prevented her from thinking properly.

While she cried, i tried to soothe her every way i know how, from saying kind words and pulling out chocolate bar she brought along with her. Heck, i thought patting her on the head would work and it kind of did, but she still kept sniffling in my chest, like a child trying to not cry.

Helpless, i thought of other methods of calming her down. And then a light bulbed turned on in my head. Hmmmm, maybe that would work. It worked in the movies, maybe it would work in real life too.

Grabbing both of Lorelai's shoulder, i moved her away from my chest and put her in front of me. I saw tears running down her cheeks and her eyes were so red someone would think it was a tomato. I smiled and went near her face, with my own just being a few inches apart.

I gazed at her teary blue eyes with a hint of regret, i did this to her. Before Lorelai could react, i kissed her on the cheek and held it for just a second before pulling away.

It seemed to have worked as Lorelai no longer cried and instead of her eyes being red, her face was the one turning red. Hiding from the apparent embarrassment, she tried to hide her face within her small hands, yet i could only smile in reaction.

"Come here."

Pulling her up to my bed, i buried her still hiding and flushed face into my chest as i stroked her long, soft hair. It was the two of us again in our own little world, and i have missed this feeling.

…

The sun was shining today at Memorine General Hospital. At the current moment, me and Lorelai was about to grab lunch at the local cafeteria. Because after our little situation in my hospital room, we decided that it was best to talk about it after we ate.

After Lorelai arrived, mom soon followed along with Lorelai's family. They stayed for a bit and hung out with us. Though it was a little chaotic, to be honest. On the surface, mom looked serene as a sage on the surface, but from what i heard from Mr. Adam it was the complete opposite.

Mr. Adam told me that Mom was going filled with utter rage when she found out that it happened to me again. Due to that she hired the best lawyers possible and sued Bradley and the school to the ground, making their situation even more miserable.

Hey it's not my fault that they messed with me. I thought that my punishment for them was enough, but mom took it on another level. I forgot to mention this but my Mom works for the best Law firm on the state. So it was understandable that the damage they took might be more than they bargained for.

And it so happened that the best lawyer in that firm was the man sitting opposite of me. Mr. Adam may look like the neighborhood hunk who is super nice, but from what iv gathered from Lorelai, he has a silver tongue comparable to Aristo the Challenger.

I almost felt pity for Bradley and the Principal. But the key word 'almost'.

Talking for a while, they soon left and continued to deal with the aftermath of the situation. Mom gave me a kiss on the forehead before saying goodbye, while Mrs. Luna almost suffocated Lorelai again. But my mom soon broke it up.

Thus leaving me in a room with Lorelai. We looked at each other and began to talk about some things. Like about what happened to me and how i ended up in the hospital, or more importantly, why i did not tell her about my plan.

So after some discussion, we decided to go grab lunch first. But before all that, we decided to lay in the then hospital bed for a while. So in that morning, me and Lorelai spent a good chunk of it watching T.V. while we cuddled.

It was mostly Lorelai trying to take care of me and, by my guess, she tried to soothe my pain. And wow it worked as after watching a Supernatural episode, i fell into a deep slumber as she held my head against her chest. Ehem not to be a pervert, but it felt soft.. And comforting, of course, but mostly soft…

Lorelai told me soon after that i slept a good 3 hours in her arms with the bedsheets tucking us underneath it. It felt like home. It felt right. I knew i did not make a mistake. She was the right one for me. The best one for me.

But eventually, all good things must come to an end. Lunch time came around and Lorelai woke me up from my slumber. It was a damn good slumber,, but a man needs to eat. With that, grogginess overtook my peepers, making it a little hard carrying myself out of bed, or more specifically, ridding myself from Lorelai's arms.

It was only after a few minutes of whining from me saying 5 more minutes and Lorelai being stern about needing to eat lunch. Though i don't know if being stern meant that holding me deeper in her arms while she was saying otherwise.

Nevertheless, i got up, wore my flip-flops, and held Lorelais' hand as we went out of the room. Seeing a nearby nurse, i asked her where the cafeteria was and she directed us to where it was. So with that information, we started to make our way towards it.

Now we are here. The sun is shining through the window sills of the Hospital brightening an otherwise gloomy place. Patients walked to and fro from their rooms while some of the Doctors and Nurses either helped the patients, carried some wounded patients to their rooms, or Doctors preparing for surgery.

The hospital was just like i imagined it when i watched Grey's Anatomy, though less of Mr. Sexy and Ms. Genius Doctor, and more of the boring doctors walking the hallways.

Overall, the hospital atmosphere seemed like what i imagined it to be.

We arrived at the cafeteria and ordered some food. While i was overlooking the Menu for today, i decided to order a Hamburger and some coffee but Lorelai vetoed both of them and so, Lorelai chose a salad and some chicken for me to eat as well as some water.

I looked at Lorelai with a puppy dog's eyes, but she ignored it, looking indifferent and ice cold like the arctic tundra. I know why she was doing it but I'm not lying if i said i was a bit saddened by what she did. But hey, i gotta listen to my soon to be wife.

After ordering, we sat down and gazed at each other. Peering into each other's soul but it was more of Lorelai peering into my head, looking at me with some sadness in her eyes. What hung in her face was a frown, some disappointment with what i did. And i deserve it.

At the time i thought it was the best decision i could make. Keeping her safe and keeping my plan a secret from her was the best way i could protect her, and as well as take revenge for her. The plan was full of loopholes and it had a thousand ways for it to go wrong, implicating her in a mess of my own making.

Yet judging from the look Lorelai was giving me, the pain of my plan failing couldn't compare to the amount of guilt i was feeling inside of me. The thought of asking for forgiveness once again sprang into my head, but i have a feeling that saying sorry won't cut it this time.

A proverbial silence entered into our atmosphere, with us eating our food in silence. She did not say anything, she just ate her food and i ate mine. I thought of saying something but i believe that she won't even bother responding. And so i ate.

Lorelai finished eating after a while as the food she ordered was only a little, just enough to sate her hunger. While i on the other hand, had my hands full, literally. She brought a ton of food for me to eat from the cafeteria, almost taking 2 whole trays of food. If that wasn't enough she also brought food that she made, and i can't wait to eat it.

She sat there, looking at me with her fingers intertwined and her elbows perched against the table we were on. She leaned against her fingers and observed me in silence. Pausing from eating, i took a peek at her and saw that there was a subtle smile at the side of her face.

Thinking that it made her happy, i ate and ate and ate. I ate so much so that my cheeks were beginning to bulge from stuffing so much food into my mouth. Due to that, i almost choked on my own food and Lorelai had to give me some water so i don't die in a cafeteria.

Despite me almost dying and her being helpless to what i was doing, she had that signature smile on her face. A smile so beautiful and so bright, i could never tire of no matter how much i saw it. Even if her smile was the sun itself, i would continue to gaze even if i had to go blind in the process.

Her smile was everything to me and i would do anything to keep it. The major reason why i ever started my grand plan in the process. It is to protect that smile at all costs, even at the cost of my own.

"Malik."

Lorelai whispered gently to me. Stopping myself from further munching down on the food, i stood attention as she said.

"Eat slowly."

"Okay…"

And so i did. I took the time of actually chewing the food instead of gulping it down into my throat. Which in itself isn't a pretty picture to imagine. Picking up my fork and spoon, i savored the taste of it as Lorelai continued to observe me with gentle eyes.

It was only after a while of eating like a decent person did i finish my food. It would've went faster but whenever i did try to eat faster, Lorelai would glare at me like a mother looking at their child that was about to do something wrong. So i slowed down again and eventually, i finished.

Patting my stomach, leaned against my chair and felt the utter fullness of my stomach. It made me remember the past few weeks leading up to my plan. I barely ate anything and slept even fewer hours than i usually did. Remembering it now, it was a dumb decision and i didn't need to go through all that to be scuffled. Yet maybe it was the necessary choice.

"You done?"

Lorelai asked and in response, i gave a subtle burp and agreed. She chuckled and started to pick up the food trays on our table. I went ahead and started to help, but she raised her hand, signaling to back off.

She smiled and said.

"Let me."

But i did not relent and kept pushing the issue, that was until she glared at me with those indifferent and cold eyes liken to the endless void of space. So i did what any man would do, sat down and did as i was told so i don't piss off my fiancé.

She got the trays and went to the cafeteria to bring it back, leaving me all alone with my own thoughts.

I knew that the moment she would come back we would start talking about my 'Little Plan'. There was even a slight chance i would get slapped in the face for what i did, for it indeed was reckless and could have gotten me killed. But i had no regrets and would still do it again, though more thoroughly next time.

Well, if there ever was a next time, if i don't die at the hands of Lorelai.

A few minutes later, she got back and brought some coffee for the two of us. She put down our coffee on the table and sat opposite of me. We gazed at each other's eyes and said nothing. I took a sip of my coffee and she did the same.

I did not know how to start of the conversation and so the awkward silence persisted for a few minutes. That was until she broke the silence and said.

"Alright, tell me what happened."

And within a heartbeat, i confessed my sins like i was confusing in a church. I started to tell her what i did leading up to the event on the rooftop. From the initial planning phase, getting the USB from my neighbor Ryan and my search for the 2nd requirement in my plan as well as getting the assistance of Ace and Neil.

I also detailed the day of my plan itself, from the social hall mishap, to getting led like a sheep by Bradleys goons and also telling her what happened at the rooftop between me and Bradley.

Thinking twice about a particular situation, i decided that it was best to tell her with complete truth and honesty. I told her that getting stabbed in the leg was part of the plan and even a necessity for the plan to work. And thank god it did.

While i was proudly, but also shamefully detailing my plan to Lorelai. She kept a warm smile on her face, giving an occasional nod to some parts of what i said. To be honest, this sort of reaction was the last thing i would expect from Lorelai. But i should've waited first.

After confessing everything to her, it took a couple of seconds for her smiling face to react. She then reacted by leaning against her chair and burying her face in her arms. She gave an imperceptible sigh under her breath and sat there for what seemed like an eternity.

The atmosphere tensed while she was pondering about what i said. I said nothing and waited for my judgement. It soon came when she unburied her face and looked at me.

"Okay, let's go back to our room."

She stood up and started walking back to our room. Lorelai didn't wait for me as i followed along like a baby duck following her mother to cross the street. And in my case, the street i was crossing leads to death.

We then arrived in our room as Lorelai helped me back up to my bed. She went back and closed the door tightly, locking the room. This was not good.

She walked up to me and laid down next to me. Burying herself once again into my chest. I held her close to me as she said.

"Malik… Don't do it again."

She said with a meek voice. I felt that there was a subtle sadness laying deep within her heart. As she soon stated why she felt that way.

"I don't like that you keep secrets from me, i don't like that you try to do everything by yourself and didn't even bother to ask me for help. I don't like that you put yourself in danger just because of me. And i don't like that you don't trust me enough to involve me in your life."

I felt a hint of wetness in my chest, and it was unmistakable from Lorelai's tears. Pangs of guilt once again buried deep inside my heart. Guilt that i made her feel i don't trust her.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just wanted to protect you, i dint want to involve you in the mess i made. I just tightened want to see you get hurt."

"That is no excuse for you to start keeping secrets for me."

She pulled back from my chest, allowing me to see her teary eyes.

"Trust me. You can trust me, Malik."

"It's not that i don't trust you…"

I respond with apparent difficulty in my voice.

"Then what is it then?"

"I just done want you to see the dark side of myself."

There it is. I said it. I said the one thing i have trying to bury deep within myself. The one thing I wish Lorelai would never see in me. The dark side of myself that will tip toe the line of what is right and wrong as long as it achieves my goals. A side of myself i never want her to see.

Lorelai didn't respond and just sighed. She sat upright to hold my head with both of her hands, pulling my head closer to her chest. Her head was on top of my own as she began stroking my head. I closed my eyes to feel the warm sensation of her touch, the feeling of home being so close to her. And maybe hiding myself from seeing the possible disappointment in her eyes.

"You can be so stupid, you know that."

Startled, i asked what she meant by that and she responded with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"I am sad that you think lowly of me like that. Saddened that you think very little of my love. Malik, make no mistake. I love you with all my heart and even more than you can imagine. I love you not despite of your flaws but because of your flaws. You supposed dark side means absolutely nothing in lessening my feelings for you"

Her words filled with warmth cascaded into my mind like a tidal wave of everlasting love. I buried myself deeper and deeper into her chest, holding her tightly so that i may be near her even more.

"I love you too Lorelai."

"Yes, yes I know."

She continued stroking my frizzled hair, feeling the touch of her fingers intertwining with my messy hair. She made me feel some type of way. A feeling that i have tried to understand before, during and after i met Lorelai. A feeling that i have only felt from my mother. Yet wholly different in a certain way.

Love.

Only now do i understand it.

Unburning myself from her, i sat straight up and gazed at her deeply with my eyes, with her doing the same thing. She wore the smile i love so much on her face. I love her smile. I love her.

"No more secrets, i promise."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

I held up my pinky finger in front of her, with her giggling at what i was about to do. Yet she complied and intertwined her pinky finger with mine. A pinky promise. And before she could react as she started giggling like a baby.

Holding the side of her face gently, I pulled in and gave her a kiss. Not on the cheeks or on the forehead. No. I gave her a kiss on the lips. Her red glossy lips.

Her lips made contact with my own as i felt the inherent softness of her lips. The moment i kissed her i felt like i was on cloud nine. It lasted for several seconds until i pulled back but it seemed that Lorelai wanted it to last longer as i saw her face with a disappointed expression.

Laughing, i pulled her into me as we laid on the bed together. Holding each other close, not wanting to let go and be everlastingly bonded. This is the moment where i knew i could no longer be with anybody else.

This is where i knew that i would only Love Lorelai Hopper in this life, and in any other life.

THE END