Chapter 11: Tea Time At Court

I didn't want to go anywhere today, I wanted to suffer silently and alone. I pulled the covers over my face, buried myself in the depths of my bed and cried, skipping breakfast with the family. No one asked me if I was all right either. I was alone with my pain and that was the way I wanted it. I didn't come for lunch either, Levina brought me up skewers on a tray. It was chicken with rice and carrots tossed in butter, my stomach slowly growled and I stood up. You do have something highness, I can help you, you just have to tell me," Levina was very careful to do her job well, I appreciated that about her, but not today. Then I thought about it some more, she couldn't help it, I didn't know that Livius and I were together unofficially, how should she know, she couldn't do it. "Can you answer me one question?" She nodded and smoothed her apron: "Certainly, Your Highness, ask me." I sighed: "Did you... I mean did you have something with Prince Livius that night of the ball?" She made a face, I don't think she liked it, and I didn't either. It is my private business, Princess, but since you are my superior, I will have to answer it for you." She was silent for a moment. "Yes, I had something with the prince, it was even more than you can think now." I swallowed hard, this did not make it better: "Thank you very much, you may go now." My voice failed, Levina was angry with me now, I could betray her now, she felt, but I promised her I wouldn't. She closed the door gently behind her. Tears were running down my cheeks again, but I was so hungry that I took the food on the plate and stuffed it into my mouth. I had eaten it all, I felt sick now. I ran into my bathroom and threw up in the toilet bowl. It was such a horrible feeling for me, my skin was white as marble and my hands and feet were ice cold, my back hurt. Suddenly my vision blurred, I held on to the sink so I wouldn't fall over. The next moment my dizziness was gone and my skin slowly recoloured and became healthier again. I must have been under a lot of stress, mental stress. I ran my hand through my hair, it was a little wet from the sweat that had invaded me. I turned on the tap and wet my face with water. I looked at myself in the mirror, something was different about me, I just couldn't explain what. My eyes were normal, my nose was as dainty and small as ever. I opened my mouth and flinched away from myself. I had two pointy rice teeth, instead of my canines. What?!" I cried out in despair. I could see myself touching them with my tongue, they were pointed and rounded, like a cone. This was impossible, I must be hallucinating, it wasn't true. I closed my eyes and prayed when I opened them again that they were no longer there. Sure enough, they were gone. I heaved a sigh of relief. Then I stepped into my bathroom and put on my day dress alone. A glance at the clock told me I should leave for the tea party. Should I go? What if the teeth came back? Nonsense, my father would now say, the supernatural only exists in books. I was laughing out loud now, I couldn't stop, the emotions had built up inside me. I gasped, the day corset pressing into my abdomen. Pull yourself together Dinora, go to your family and hope Lucien isn't there. I decided on a day dress, which of course covered my hickies.

Queen Layna invited everyone to the garden, and by everyone, unfortunately, she meant the French family as well. I was the last to arrive. My mother came up to me: Dinora, are you all right? You look so pale?" Did I really look so pale again, but my feet were not cold, no rice teeth. Yes, I'm fine, mother, I just didn't sleep well and lunch made me throw up. She looked at me in a way I had never seen on her before, kind of startled. "Dear, won't you sit down?" she offered. I nodded a little weakly, I was particularly bothered by the sun today, it was so burning hot, but as soon as I was in the shade I felt better. I deliberately sat as far away from Livius as possible. He let me do it, I hated him. Dinora, I wanted to ask you what your first impression of your ball was."

,King Melchior seemed in a very good mood. I played a little with a canape, then pushed it away, the smell made me sick. She really enjoyed it, father," my sister kindly jumped in, "she even had her eye on someone. That wasn't helpful Faina, I thought. "OH, really, what's his name, do you want to invite him again?", father was delighted. I think his name was Alexander and he is a citizen of this kingdom," I replied. Very nice..., that will go down well with the people if you marry someone from their circles, good move child," he was really pleased with me. I gasped: "Father, I only like him, I hardly know him, I don't want to marry him." "He's a good match father, Dinora just doesn't want to admit it, he had even defended her honour," Faina was in top form, "And she had also danced with him longer than she should have." I kicked her shin, she should please stop, everyone should stop, I don't want any more. Father was very surprised, but happy: Another gentleman, darling, you've hit the jackpot with him, I'll find him right away. Now my collar was bursting, all the voices in my head were getting louder and more intense, I could hear them all, every scratching of the forks on the plates, every breathing, every whisper and laugh. It all became too much for me, then when the sounds of nature were added, it all became too much. It was building up inside me, getting louder and louder. I stood up with a jerk and threw the chair into the meadow. It became quiet around me, finally, it stopped. Child...!" my mother cried out in horror. I turned to the king: "I've had enough, I can't do this any more, I..." Then I stormed across the meadows. I left the tea party behind me, I didn't know where I was running to, I just wanted to get away.

I came to a halt by a weeping willow. My limbs ached, I slumped to the ground. I was gasping for breath, what was wrong with me? Surely I hadn't laced the corset too tightly? I lay on my back, arms and legs stretched out. Single rays of light came out through the canopy and burned into my skin. I thought I was going to die, faintness overcame me and I saw blackness.