The First 3 Months

Dating Carl is like eating candy canes, and cotton candies everyday.

I enjoyed our quiet moments and our loud moments. The time we sat at the park after a class while eating chips. We just talked about our plans after graduation. He wants to manage their family business. Help out his Dad, learn to drive and buy his parents a gift for helping him finish his studies. He wanted to ask me for ideas about what to get them, I told him for your Mom, if she already has nice bags and clothes, why don't he try to give her flowers and buy her new beddings. The premium kind, so she sleeps well at night, you can give her a letter telling her you appreciate how she sacrificed many things for your education. Carl's Mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer 5 Years ago, and they almost lost their house to take care of her medical bills, she faught bravely and has been cancer free for 3 Years now. She told him to finish his studies even if she is weak from chemotherapy and most of his years in University, she was in the hospital and cannot see him often. Although I told him it's up to him if he buys her more than flowers. He hugged me tight and told me how lucky he is for having me as his girlfriend.

During our semestral break we celebrated out 1st monthsary, and we would go hiking and biking, although I can see he was struggling sometimes, I didn't think anything is wrong with his heart at the time. I knew he had asthma attacks, but he always tells me, he can do it. I motivate him more and cheer him when he succesfully hiked a mountain or biked for 20 km or more. He just wants to make me happy, and live like it was his last day.

1 Month before our graduation, we went on a trip with our whole class, and we toured around the tourists spots and ate dinner where they sat us on a long table. And everyone teased us, that it was our wedding and it's our wedding reception dinner. We all laughed hard and enjoyed our time together mostly. I remember we were walking and watching the sunset, over looking a bridge, he took out his phone, and took a picture of me. He smiled, look at me he said, I didn't know he was taking pictures. It was candid and sweet, he laughed and said I look like the sunset. You are beautiful. Like this sunset.

He embraced me, put his arm on my shoulders. And we watched the sun go down hoping we always stay like this. We kissed and a tear fell down my face. I started to cry. "I love you", that as the first time he told me. And I kissed him and told him I love him too.

That night I snuck into his room and we slept for the first time together. I cried a lot thinking I want to get pregnant with his baby so much. I only wished it never ends. He was touching me, wanting me like his life depended on it. We rolled around the bed, and tried every position we could think of. He was so gentle, but also like he was possessed, he went in so deep I moaned loudly, we finished and cuddled together on the bed all night, and by morning I snuck back into the room where my friends slept in.

Our 2nd Month we joined a pageant for our Organization. He was my partner, he taught me how to do the salsa dance for our talent night, and we sang in our pre-pageant eliminations. He was very confident we could win. He was super handsome, and I was looking pretty by his side on the night of the pageant finals. He was satisfied even if we only came in 4th place. We watched the video of the whole night afterwards and we laughed at ourselves. We always end the day smiling and laughing. We had our disagreements too, there was a time he didn't call me for 2 weeks, I was anticipating the worst, that he was tired of me and can't keep up with the dates, making him weaker. But he surprised me with the biggest bouquet of flowers and a teddy bear, showing me he just had to take a little break to appreciate our time apart and he said he missed me so much. I told him I missed him even more.

Then the by 3rd monthsary we've gone to a house party and celebrate a classmate's birthday. We drank so much he was red all over, his Dad picked him up, we left the party with him sleeping at the back of their pick up. His Dad dropped me off at my house, and looking worried I said take care, and waved goodbye.

I didn't think he would get sick after that. The next morning his Mom called me up, and asked me to go with them to the hospital. Where he was treated of pneumonia, and we found out his heart possibly needs operation.

The 3 months of bliss, ended with the fear that I might be causing him harm, than happiness.

The thought of leaving him is unbearable, but for him to live longer I must cause myself the greatest

heartache of my life.

I want him to live longer I wish I could do it, although it's going to be painful for him too.

A week later...

We spent the day in their big house at the farm, and that was the last date we ever had.

The next day he was in the operating room, fighting for his life😭❤