Chapter 14: The Broken Shelf

In every relationship that has ended in separation or divorce or just ended all together there was that broken shelf moment. For some people it was more like a wake-up call or a moment of clarity that made them reevaluate everything and make the decision to walk away. And for some people it was that wall that they ran full force at 50 miles per hour into faced first to hit them as hard as possible to get the realization. So here's mine...

I was sitting and having a conversation with my sons about my husband and I asked them why exactly it is that they hate my husband so much. And the response I got made me ponder for hours if not a few days.

My son said that my husband is a representation of everything that a man should never be and in his book he does not count my husband as a man. He is racist, a bigot, homophobic, dumb as rocks, disrespectful, lacking in all morals, with no self-control, no self-awareness, zero emotional regularity, and genuinely behaves like a five-year-old child with the temper tantrums, yelling, defensiveness, anger all wrapped in one. He also stated it is hard to even have respect for somebody that is so wrong and contradicting as well as politically and socially incorrect. But the worst part is that he's not even smart or funny to counter balance any of his flaws.

When I heard all of that list I realized how right he actually was. That he didn't dislike my husband because he was my husband or a new male in the household and just hadn't figured out the dynamic anymore. It was because my husband was a representation of everything that I have worked my butt off to make sure my sons would never turn into. That if any of my sons treated a woman or spouse the way that my husband treats me that I would probably beat my own son's ass, feel disgraced and like I failed as mother, and genuinely probably disown my own child. And if my daughter's ever dated a guy like my husband I would make sure that my sons made him disappear whether that was via threats or whatever path they needed to to get him as far away from my daughter as possible. So why the hell was I enduring all of this and what kind of example could my husband ever set for my son's? He is everything that I would never want my sons to be he's selfish and self-centered, conceited and genuinely has no regard for other people, their property or their families. And I was making the active choice to have that around my children on a daily and I hadn't even realized how bad it had actually gotten.

I know in many ways that I was that girl that dated a man that were like my father whether it was the addict part, the calm part, is the self-aware part, or the protective part. Every ex that I've ever had had one of those four qualities within him is why I even considered him an option. And maybe that's why my husband being an addict didn't phase me in the beginning because I understood what was needed or necessary and it was a level of comfort because it was what I knew on how to handle an addict. That I was trying to see past it and and trying to ignore that flaw I spaced out and had my drunk girl goggles on to ignore all the rest of the flaws that were there as well. And in doing that I married a man that I probably would have never wanted to have associated with if it wasn't for the fact that everything was so easy and comfortable in the beginning.

But after that rude awakening given to me by my son I realize it is time for me to walk away, and that I could do that without feeling guilty, and no matter what I knew a part of me is always going to love him but I had to do what's best for the rest of us for my own peace and for the happiness I know I deserve better than this!

If you don't know what the broken shelf theory is then let me explain. I shelf can handle a heavy load but even a shelf has its breaking point of to much weight. And in a relationship sometimes we put up with so much because we can handle it. Yet everyone has that point when enough is enough, also known as the broken shelf. I feel like I have finally hit that point. As much as it breaks my heart I will always have love for my husband. But I have reached my limit and nothing seems to be changing! So I must deal and walk away!