Chapter 39

He was standing at the bottom of the stairs, leaning his weight against the banister for support as Nancy continued to walk up towards the top. Her brow was furrowed and she kept glancing down at the ground as if looking for the right words.

"How did I tell you?", muttered Jonathan.

When he finished talking, Nancy didn't say anything for a brief period of time. Instead she simply took another step upwards, and then another. Before either of the two of them could reach the top of the staircase, though, Jonathan grabbed hold of her wrist and forced her to stop moving.

"Let go of me," snapped Nancy angrily, "Jonathan!"

Her voice cracked when she yelled his name, probably due to the lack of sleep, but she did her best to hide her discomfort when Jonathan pulled harder on her arm.

"Don't pull so hard!", whispered Jonathan through gritted teeth.

Then Nancy broke down in tears. Tears that ran down her cheeks without her consent. She let Jonathan hold onto her until her cries subsided. When she regained control of herself she wiped the tears from her eyes and turned towards the kitchen countertop in the direction Jonathan had pushed her.

"Why am I crying, anyway?" mumbled Nancy angrily, sniffling loudly.

"Because I'm an idiot", replied Jonathan sarcastically.

Nancy rolled her eyes before taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"Come sit next to me", she said.

Slowly walking forward, Jonathan sat across from her.

Silence.

More silence.

After about twenty minutes, Nancy broke the silence once more.

"Do you hate me, Jonathan?".

Her voice sounded so frail and fragile and vulnerable that Jonathan immediately got angry and began defending himself.

"Of course I don't hate you, Nance. Why do you ask?"

Nancy didn't reply right away.

Finally she shrugged weakly, keeping her eyes glued on the table.

"I dunno", she said. "Just...just wondering".

"Well I don't", insisted Jonathan firmly, surprising both himself and Nancy, who clearly hadn't expected that answer. "You know I'd never hate you or abandon you or...or whatever this is".

Nancy gave him a sad smile.

"It feels different", she admitted.

This time Jonathan was completely taken aback.

"Different?", he echoed.

"Like everything has changed" explained Nancy quietly. "Everything seems...fuzzy now, like nothing matters anymore. Everything looks...wrong"

Jonathan didn't reply to this.

The two friends sat in silence for a few moments. Then Nancy finally decided to speak again.

"So I heard about your mom", she said after clearing her throat. "What about it? Are you guys okay?".

"No. We're not" replied Jonathan simply. "At least...not yet. It will be fine, though".

"What happened?", asked Nancy quietly.

Once again, Jonathan didn't reply right away. For a while he didn't say anything at all, instead continuing to stare down at his hands, clasping his fingers together to keep them from trembling nervously. Then he swallowed roughly.

"My dad", he whispered softly.

He waited a couple of seconds before saying it again, forcing himself to continue talking.

"We were supposed to meet him for dinner. He should've come home ages ago, but he didn't show up. We waited for almost three hours. You can imagine how we were feeling. My mum was crying and my sister was furious. And then finally our taxi came to the door and I opened it, but my father wasn't inside. There was no sign of him anywhere".

There was another stretch of silence.

"And then the police arrived", Jonathan said softly.

Suddenly he raised his hand and touched his nose, wincing slightly as he remembered how it had collided with the steering wheel in front of his father's office. In his mind's eye he could still feel the warm blood covering his face. A wave of nausea overcame him for a brief second. He lowered his hand, squeezing his eyes closed, and waited for Nancy's response, but she didn't say anything. After several seconds had passed and nothing more was forthcoming, Jonathan forced himself to open his eyes once again and turned his head to see Nancy staring back at him. His heart skipped a beat.

"Jonathan", she whispered, "I'm sorry."

She lifted a hand to rest on his shoulder.

"Look", she said quietly.

Taking the hint, Jonathan stood up. He walked over to the couch where Nancy was sitting, and sat down beside her. Nancy leaned against his shoulder, putting her head on his chest as she rested it there.

For a long time neither of them moved or spoke. Eventually, Nancy broke the silence and asked Jonathan:

"What happens now? Does Dad want you to stay?", she asked worriedly.

Jonathan frowned. He didn't like that idea very much. It meant that he wouldn't get to go back to live in his house and spend his life with Joyce, Nancy, and Jonathan. He couldn't help but wonder whether it was worth staying away. But Nancy was right, their home wasn't any safer without him there.

"I think so", mumbled Jonathan.

As soon as he had answered her question, Nancy's body tensed up. She lifted her head from his chest and stared at him silently, trying to read his expression. She saw a mixture of hurt, sadness and anger written clearly all over his face.

"You don't mean that", she stated, "do you?".

"What are you talking about?", replied Jonathan angrily, "of course I mean it! How many times have you told me that you didn't need me!? If I'd stayed here, we'd be just like-"

"If you'd stayed here you'd be dead. Do you realize that? Don't you remember that last night? Do you honestly think Dad would have killed us because of some stupid argument you two had"?

Jonathan flinched slightly at Nancy's harsh tone of voice and looked down at her in surprise.

"You don't understand", he replied defensively, "it would have been murder. And Dad knew it. I don't care if Dad hated me forever, or even if he doesn't forgive me for the things I've done - I'm going to die today. I have to. Because if I don't kill him myself, somebody else sure as heck will".

"You're not gonna do anything. Stop it. Just stop it!"

Jonathan shook his head stubbornly.

"It'll happen tomorrow, Nance", he said in a low, intense whisper, "don't you see? It won't wait."

His eyes met Nancy's. There was a hint of fear and desperation in them. Jonathan felt desperate. He wanted to do something, anything to change things. To make things right, once and for all.

"I know", he added softly. "I know it. But I can't just sit here and do nothing while everybody dies."

Without waiting for Nancy to answer him, Jonathan turned around and picked up his jacket off the floor.

"Wait!", exclaimed Nancy, jumping up from the bench.